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 Lord Jaguar's rp

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Lord Jaguar's rp Empty
PostSubject: Lord Jaguar's rp   Lord Jaguar's rp I_icon_minitimeSat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm

I haven't rped in a few months and would appreciate any thoughts on my latest work.
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James_Betterman




Posts : 21
Join date : 2013-07-03

Lord Jaguar's rp Empty
PostSubject: Re: Lord Jaguar's rp   Lord Jaguar's rp I_icon_minitimeSun Jul 07, 2013 12:45 pm

I liked your Rp. You shooting on all the opponents was good trash talking. Also if you can give me FB on my rp to.
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Butthead




Posts : 20
Join date : 2013-07-03

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PostSubject: Re: Lord Jaguar's rp   Lord Jaguar's rp I_icon_minitimeSun Jul 07, 2013 2:15 pm

It was pretty good. Nothing mind blowing, but no one is going to think it sucked. Though there are a few things I wanted to point out and give my professional opinion on.

First off.. Drop the song. Even though I am a big Trevor Moore and The Whitest Kids U Know fan, I would've dropped the song. It isn't really relevant.
You added in a few metaphors, like the zebras in Africa, and such. I liked that. It was pretty cool.
"James, do you think air humping some skank called Ms. Melons is going to help you do anything other than catch the clap?" I wanna talk about that for a bit. It is easy to spot that you are refering to James' entrance. But the thing is that James hasn't debuted yet. So how does Lord Jaguar know that James humps Ms. Melons during his entrance? Is Lord Jaguar an NLWF fan and watched James in NLWF? (Which he cannot be because he later fails to recognize who Brenton Cyrus, Chuck Matthews and Corey Casey are.) Can Lord Jaguar see the future? We assume that no, he can't. So how does Lord Jaguar know about this? Are you following me here?

For me, a story is everything. I know this is an opinion based thing. Some people don't like stories. The actually they are pretty important. Because now, without a story, to me Lord Jaguar is nothing but mask-wearing Nazi prick. I know nothing more about him, so he becomes a bit generic and boring..

But other than that, I thought it was a good shoot and it made for an alright RP Razz
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Lord Jaguar's rp Empty
PostSubject: Re: Lord Jaguar's rp   Lord Jaguar's rp I_icon_minitime

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