Chuck Teaches Sex Ed

[20:44:50] The Mexican Samurai : Tiffany don't worry. Regular sex is nothing like that.

[20:44:54] @ Aaron O'Shea : finger

[20:44:55] The Mexican Samurai : In fact, Sex rules!

[20:45:00] @ Chuck Matthews : YES TIFFANY. WE DONT NEED TO RELIVE IT

[20:45:00] The Mexican Samurai : you will learn that some day.

[20:45:42] Tiffany Starr : Thats just I will never watch 2 girls and 1 cup or pain olympics ever again.

[20:45:59] @ Chuck Matthews : havoc may say otherwise, but believe us tiff. sex is not supposed to be a waking nightmare

[20:46:04] @ Aaron O'Shea : haha, 1 guy 1 cup

[20:46:30] @ Aaron O'Shea : its nothing to do with shit buts its horrible

[20:46:31] Tiffany Starr : Ok

[20:46:51] Tiffany Starr : Whats it have to do with Aaron?

[20:47:17] @ Aaron O'Shea : a guy a cup and a nightmare

[20:47:33] Tiffany Starr : NEVERMIND..

[20:47:56] @ Aaron O'Shea : watch it, its an experience

[20:47:58] Tiffany Starr : 2 girls and 1 cup made me vomit and I didnt eat ice cream for months.

[20:48:47] Tiffany Starr : and pain olympics made me cry.

[20:48:54] The Mexican Samurai : It's called Scat porn.

[20:49:01] The Mexican Samurai : I had the pleasure of watching it once before.

[20:49:08] @ Aaron O'Shea : well this will make you laugh

[20:49:08] The Mexican Samurai : Ugh..

[20:49:33] The Mexican Samurai : Don't worry, Aaron and Tiffany. When you lose your virginities, it's a lot better than internet videos.

[20:49:39] The Mexican Samurai : And a lot slower too.

[20:49:43] The Mexican Samurai : Unlike pornography.

[20:49:50] @ Aaron O'Shea : yeah i know mex

[20:50:12] The Mexican Samurai : Oh and Aaron, a girls vag is the best feeling in the world. :-)

[20:50:13] Tiffany Starr : Um I'm not going to do that stuff until after college lol

[20:50:42] @ Aaron O'Shea : okay i know mex relax, your like a father giving "the talk"

[20:52:08] Tiffany Starr : LMAO.. I remember that day

[20:52:39] @ Chuck Matthews : I missed out on the talk...bummer

[20:52:49] @ Aaron O'Shea : i dont when my dad showed signs of coming to talk to me i ran out and got on a bus to town

[20:53:23] Shadow Demon has joined the chat the Sat May 30, 2009 8:53 pm

[20:53:26] @ Chuck Matthews : "Aaron, can i talk to you?" "NO!!!"

[20:53:45] @ Aaron O'Shea : exactly how it was

[20:54:02] @ Chuck Matthews : did you scream like a little bitch and wet your pants?

[20:54:03] Tiffany Starr : well my dad told me in the car. and my mom told me while i was in the bathroom getting ready for school lol

[20:54:14] @ Aaron O'Shea : not quite

[20:54:17] @ Chuck Matthews : cuz thats what i pictured youdoing

[20:54:20] Shadow Demon : Woah

[20:54:31] Shadow Demon : This is quite a conversation you guys are having

[20:54:34] Tiffany Starr : Lol its ok Shadow

[20:54:51] @ Chuck Matthews : we're talking about sex shadow. sorry we know you feel left out

[20:54:54] @ Aaron O'Shea : yeah mex is my father now, and hes giving me the talk

[20:55:13] Shadow Demon : Whatever you think Chuck lol

[20:55:29] @ Chuck Matthews : no no. samurai doesnt know shit. my talk is much better

[20:55:41] @ Chuck Matthews : here's what you need to know aaron

[20:55:51] @ Chuck Matthews : condoms are overpriced. dont waste the money

[20:56:02] @ Chuck Matthews : babies are easily disposed of

[20:56:09] @ Aaron O'Shea : okay got it

[20:56:14] @ Chuck Matthews : stds are a myth. that rash is normal

[20:56:30] @ Chuck Matthews : h.....if it lasts longer than 4 hours call a doctor

[20:56:33] @ Aaron O'Shea : okay good cos i think i got one lol

[20:56:47] @ Chuck Matthews : there was one more...shit

[20:56:49] Shadow Demon : LMAO

[20:56:53] @ Chuck Matthews : Oh yeah!

[20:57:01] Shadow Demon : Cmon Chuck

[20:57:06] @ Chuck Matthews : You get bonus points if she cries. trust me

[20:57:07] Tiffany Starr : What about me? Am I getting the talk? I guess not!

[20:57:25] @ Aaron O'Shea : okay ill try get the high score then

[20:57:29] Shadow Demon : Didnt you already have it Tif? lol

[20:57:45] Tiffany Starr : Nope chuck didnt tell me

[20:57:49] @ Chuck Matthews : tiffany, i'm not a girl, so i don;t know if its different, but i'll give it a shot

[20:57:55] @ Aaron O'Shea : 1 guy 1 cup is your sex ed

[20:57:58] Shadow Demon : Chuck you bitch....

[20:57:58] Tiffany Starr : ok

[20:58:17] Tiffany Starr : Aaron Im not watching that after seeing 2 girls 1 cup

[20:58:27] @ Aaron O'Shea : its different than that

[20:58:41] @ Chuck Matthews : guys that wear condoms are losers. they say otherwise, but trust me: they dont love you

[20:58:45] Tiffany Starr : But I dont care anything that has to do with 1 cup is nasty..

[20:59:01] @ Chuck Matthews : never cry during sex. you're the defender. make sure they dont get those bonus points

[20:59:03] @ Aaron O'Shea : its funny as shit

[20:59:03] Tiffany Starr : Ok Chuck

[20:59:18] Carmine has joined the chat the Sat May 30, 2009 8:59 pm

[20:59:22] @ Chuck Matthews : especially if the guy is named "aaron" cuz you never know...

[20:59:26] Tiffany Starr : Hi Carmine!

[20:59:27] @ Aaron O'Shea : haha chuck is a great sex ed /gym teacher

[20:59:27] @ Carmine : THE LAST TWO MATCHES TO GO

[20:59:32] Shadow Demon : lol

[20:59:34] Shadow Demon : This should be interesting

[20:59:43] @ Chuck Matthews : Carmine's missing out on a great talk

[21:00:00] @ Chuck Matthews : hmm...what else should girls know?

[21:00:01] Shadow Demon : Poor Carmine

[21:00:04] @ Carmine : I wish I could join in, but I got two matches and this show is done

[21:00:13] Shadow Demon : But on the plus side, he's writing the show

[21:00:18] Shadow Demon : Keep going Carmine!

[21:00:20] Tiffany Starr : But why shouldnt I cry? My brother told me it was going to hurt..

[21:00:24] @ Aaron O'Shea : babies are the trophy?

[21:00:33] @ Chuck Matthews : don't fall for shitty pickup lines. theyre a sign of desperation

[21:01:03] @ Chuck Matthews : fyi, "hey my name is chuck matthews, and i am god" is not a pickup line. its a lie. i am the only chuck matthews

[21:01:04] Tiffany Starr : lol, like in other words when there doing you, and they call you names?

[21:01:16] Tiffany Starr : lol

[21:01:39] Shadow Demon : "If you were the next mc donalds burger, i'd call you mcbeatiful

[21:01:50] Shadow Demon : Dont fall for that one lol

[21:01:56] @ Chuck Matthews : that leads me to my next point. if he calls you kinky things during sex, its a good thing. it has nothing to do with the fact that he forgot your real name

[21:02:03] @ Aaron O'Shea : oh sd thats the lamest one i have ever heard haha

[21:02:36] Shadow Demon : lol yeah

[21:02:55] @ Chuck Matthews : never fuck guys that call themselves "demons of the bed." you know, if the word demon is associated with them in any way, its a no go

[21:02:59] Tiffany Starr : that made me laugh so much sd..

[21:03:08] Shadow Demon : Oi shut up

[21:03:09] Tiffany Starr : Ok Chuck.

[21:03:14] Shadow Demon : (chuck)

[21:03:32] @ Aaron O'Shea : demon of desire haha

[21:03:34] @ Chuck Matthews : last point and your chuckified sex ed is complete.

[21:03:45] Tiffany Starr : Thank you Chuck

[21:04:03] @ Chuck Matthews : if you get knocked up and dont want the baby, adoption means you;ll have to go through labor pain.

[21:04:13] Shadow Demon : [21:02:55] @ Chuck Matthews : never fuck guys that call themselves "demons of the bed." you know, if the word demon is associated with them in any way, its a no go

[21:04:13] Tiffany Starr : I've had to much sex talk today.. and seeing porn that someone trick me into watching

[21:04:28] @ Chuck Matthews : the better option is to suck out the baby through a tube. this process is commonly referred to as "abortion"

[21:05:04] Shadow Demon : Even though everyone hates it

[21:05:13] The Mexican Samurai has been disconnected the Sat May 30, 2009 9:05 pm (session timeout)

[21:05:13] @ Aaron O'Shea : always go for the chodes haha

[21:05:16] @ Chuck Matthews : congrats tiffany and aaron. you are both graduates of Chuck Matthews school of sex. here's your fake degree

[21:05:33] Tiffany Starr : thank you chuck

[21:05:33] Shadow Demon : lol

[21:05:41] Shadow Demon : Well done Chuck

WTF?!?!?!

I sign off for one night and AOS, SHADOW DEMON, MEXICAN SAMURAI AND TIFFANY STARR ALL SIGN ON?!