'Twas the Night Before Christmas-IWF Style

IWF Productions…

…In conjunction with Matthews Entertainment…

…Proudly Presents…

IWF’s NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS!

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The scene opens with an aerial view of a snow-covered suburb. The homes below are all lit up and the faint sound of sleigh bells can be heard somewhere in the background. White, puffy snowflakes fall from the sky and the stars overhead shine brightly as the clouds continue to move through the night sky. Suddenly, the sound of Corey Casey’s voice can be heard

“Twas the night before Christmas…”

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A lawyer’s face is suddenly seen filling up the entire screen

Lawyer
Hello, my name is Harry Paratestes and we here at IWF would just like to remind you that legally, we do not endorse any specific holiday celebration. Which is why, effective immediately, this holiday story is…

A massive blur suddenly spears the lawyer down to the ground. A man who speared the lawyer stands up, revealing the smirking face of Chuck Matthews

Chuck Matthews
Go ahead CC

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The picturesque suburb at night in the snow shot once again fills the entire screen

“Thank you Chuck. Ahem, as I was saying…’Twas the night before Christmas…”

The camera slowly begins zoom in on one house imparticular. The windows are filled with fog and the sound of a loud bass can be heard coming from inside. The camera moves around to show the front door, which suddenly bursts open.

Ryan Apollos
HAPPY…BBBLLLAAAAAHHHHHHH…

Ryan Apollos begins to throw up into the snow. The camera moves into through the front door to show the inside of the house…which is filled with kegs, people, and members of the IWF roster generally having a massive party

“And all through the house
The IWF Roster was raging
To the sound of Deadmau…”

“Ghosts and Stuff” by Deadmau5 can be heard all throughout the house. The camera manages to maneuver past a couple making out on one of the couches and is now showing a large fireplace

“The titles were hung
By the chimney with care…”

The New Blood, Tag Team, High Impact and IWF World Heavyweight Championships are shown hanging above the fireplace. A picture of each respective champion proudly sits above each title

“In the hopes that a hot gyaldem
Would stop and would stare”

The camera suddenly turns as the sound of people cheering is heard from all around. Jason Hawk and Chuck Matthews are shown doing keg stands as Matt Biggars and Rick Christian hold up each man’s legs

“The Tag Team Champs
Had booze rushing to their heads
As visions of hot naked women
Danced in their heads…”

The camera turns to show Corey Casey and Jessica Matthews sitting side by side on one of the couches. A bemused smirk is etched into Corey’s features as he and Jess hold hands and laugh as Matt Biggars nearly drops Jason Hawk. Jessica Matthews has a fashionable black, red and yellow scarf tied loosely around her neck and Corey Casey has the new “Corey Casey: Vengeance is Mine” fitted baseball hat on

“And Jess in her kerchief
And I in my cap
Were thinking of going upstairs
And banging in the sack”

The sound of Ryan Apollos’ screaming suddenly sounds out from all around. Somewhere within the party, someone turns off the music. Jason Hawk turns and looks at Johnny Electric, who has just walked into the living room of the house

Jason Hawk
What the fuck is he yelling about?

Johnny Electric shrugs

Johnny Electric
Maybe he’s ELECTRIFIED by the thought that his entire career has been nothing more than one long SHORT-CIRCUIT?!

Jason Hawk laughs as a few people standing around Johnny Electric groan and facepalm

Ryan Apollos
YOU GUYS! IT’S MOFUCKIN’ SANTA!

Ryan Apollos falls face down into the snow, completely passed out

“When out on the lawn
There arose such a clatter
I sprang from the couch
To see what was the matter”

Corey Casey immediately leaps to his feet and gently sets his keg cup down. He quickly runs over to one of the windows and throws it wide open

“Away to the window I flew
Just like chain lightning
and threw that bitch open
with a show of strength that was frightening”

The snow is cast in a bright white light as the full moon above in the sky shines down and highlights the winter wonder world. The camera starts to zoom in on a female figure that has seemingly passed out topless in the snow a few feet from Ryan Apollos

“The moon on the breast of the new-fallen hoe in the snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below”

Corey Casey sticks his head and shoulders out of the window and his gaze narrows as the hears the sound of sleigh bells coming closer and closer. The camera follows Corey Casey’s gaze and zooms in on a strange sight over head…

“When, what to my drunken eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny, Tim-like reindeer”

The camera zooms in to show that the reindeer are actually just 8 men dressed up in bondage gear. All 8 men have spiked collars and ass-less chaps on. The spiked collars all have a length of chain going through them

“With an ETA driver
Who was screaming like a prick
I knew in a minute
It must be “Saint” Nick"

Corey Casey turns and shakes his head as his bemused smile widens

Chuck Matthews
Who is it?

Corey Casey chuckles softly as the sounds of “Saint” Nick screaming at his reindeer can be heard from above

“More rapid than Dan came
When Victoria Justice moans in pain
He whistled, and yelled and called them by name”

The camera zooms in to show the face of each man in bondage gear pulling “Saint” Nick’s sleigh as he yells out their names

"Now Havoc! Now, MS! Now, Bobby Ocean and Demetrius Randall!
On,Jaxon! On, Swan Lee! On, Tilli and Barry Hall!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now fuck them! Fuck them! Fuck them all!”

Everybody inside the party immediately starts laughing hysterically at “Saint” Nick trying to drive the sleigh of chained up men in bondage gear. The camera zooms in to show Stygian talking to Ruben Ricardo Leon

Stygian
Wow, this guy is kinda fruity

Ruben Ricardo Leon
I think you mean he’s kinda que…

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The lawyers’ face suddenly fills the screen again

Lawyer
YOU CAN’T SAY QUEER! IT’S A HATEFUL SLUR! WE’LL GET SUED!

Ryan Apollos suddenly picks up the lawyer and drives him down to the ground with a Silencer

Ryan Apollos
IF ANYONE IS SUING ANYONE, IT WILL BE ME SUING CHUCK!

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“Like shit that’s not tied down before a hurricane fly
When the bondaged men meet an obstacle they fly high in the sky
So with “Saint” Nick still screaming horrible things, yes it’s true
The somehow got up on the roof
The sleigh, “Saint” Nick’s bag, and “Saint” Nick too!”

Everyone inside of the party suddenly looks up at the roof as a loud “THUMP” is heard. Several of the drunker guests scream in terror and run out of the house, leaving only a few guests and every member of the IWF Roster

“And then, in a moment, up on the roof
The partygoers heard the sound
Of Swan Lee tinkling on the roof”

The camera zooms in on the couple who had been making out in one of the chairs. The couple finally stops sucking face to reveal the faces of Ashley Matthews and Alison Williams. Both women have lip stick smeared all over their faces and their eye-liner is beginning to run. Alison Williams slowly stands up and looks around

Alison Williams
Is someone…PEEING ON THE ROOF?!

Chuck Matthews looks over at Alison Williams and Ashley Matthews

Chuck Matthews
Oh good, you two are alive. I was about to go and get the Jaws of Life to stop you two from choking each other all night with your tongues

Brandon Macdonald suddenly walks down the stairs, holding Keagan Davis-Brown’s hand. Keagan’s hair is all messed up and Brandon Macdonald has a number of hickey’s on his neck

Brandon Macdonald
Guys…did you know that there is someone on the roof?

Chuck Matthews turns and looks at both Brandon Macdonald and Keagan Davis-Brown

Chuck Matthews
WHY IS EVERYONE AT THIS PARTY GETTING LAID BESIDES ME?! I need a fucking drink…

“Before any of us
Knew what the fuck was going down
“Saint” Nick came falling down the chimney
With a loud obnoxious sound”

A massive cloud of ashes and soot fills the living room of the small house as a figure carrying a medium sized bag and not wearing a shirt falls down the chimney

“Saint” Nick
FUCKING INGRATES!

“He wore a hat made of fur
Or possibly pubes
He had on no shirt
And wore green tights and shoes

He carried with him
A large burlap sack
It smelled like it was full of weed
Or possibly crack”

Silence descends over the entire party as everyone stares at the disheveled “Saint” Nick. Finally, Chuck Matthews breaks the awkward silence

Chuck Matthews
Dude…you look like shit…

“His eyes were sunken
Deep into his head
Like he hadn’t slept in a week
Or maybe he had just risen up from the dead”

The camera zooms in to focus on “Saint” Nick’s eyes. Massive bags hung under the once anger filled eyes. The only thing that the eyes that once saw the future of NLWF were filled with now was bloodshot lines

"The skin on his face
Was drawn taunt like a bow
And under his nose
He still had a bit of blow"

The camera slowly pans down to show “Saint” Nick’s hollowed out face. The camera zooms in on the thin white line underneath “Saint” Nick’s nose/on “Saint” Nick’s upper lip

“His bead was a fake
Anyone could see that
But he had it tied on
Tighter than Taylor O’Day’s snatch”

“Saint” Nick slowly reaches into his tights and produces a bowl. He also grabs a small baggy of weed from his burlap sack and packs the bowl. “Saint” Nick clenches the bowl in his mouth as he sparks it up and looks around

“The stub of a bowl
He held tight in his teeth
And the ‘weed’ he was smoking
Smelled more like an oak leaf”

The camera zooms in on “Saint” Nick’s ribs….since he very clearly hadn’t eaten in quite some time and his ribs were pressed up against the surface of his skin

“He looked like an addict
Who belong on the shelf
And I just couldn’t help it
I laughed, in spite of myself”

“Saint” Nick suddenly flings the bowl and weed baggie back into his burlap sack. He then turns and tries to look as scary as possible

“His face was all fucked up
His soul clearly broken down
And all the partygoers knew
They had to run this prick out of town”

“Saint” Nick suddenly clenches his fist and screams out the members of the IWF Roster



“All the partygoers laughed
At “Saint” Nick’s empty threat
So “Saint” Nick wiped his brow
As he began to sweat”

Corey Casey suddenly takes off sprinting. The camera follows CC as he runs down a small hallway. Both CC and the camera stop outside of a large black door at the end of the hallway. CC slowly reaches out and knocks on the door. The sound of heavy footsteps are heard getting closer and closer to the door. Suddenly the door opens and Death-Angel is shown standing in the doorway

Death-Angel
What do you want, Casey?

“This was way too funny
For me to pass up
So I knew I had to go
And wake Death-Angel up.

With DA in tow
We went back to the strange stage
And DA and I laughed just laughed
As “Saint” Nick screamed at Ashley Matthews
‘AREN’T YOU STILL UNDERAGE?!’”

Death-Angel walks across the living room and grabs “Saint” Nick. “Saint” Nick begins to kick and punch Death-Angel but his drug addicted blows don’t even register to Death-Angel. Jason Hawk follows Death-Angel and, when he gets close enough, grabs “Saint” Nick’s burlap sack.

“The mighty Death-Angel
Took one look at “Saint” Nick
And said to him softly
‘Good bye you fucking prick”

Death-Angel suddenly jams “Saint” Nick up the chimney. Death-Angel punches and kicks “Saint” Nick, trying to get him all the way up the chimney. All the while, “Saint” Nick is screaming loudly

“Saint” Nick
YOU ALL WORK FOR ME! INGRATES, ALL OF YOU ARE FUCKING INGRATES! I HATE YOU ALL! IWF ONLY EXISTS BECAUSE I LET IT BE SO! I AM GOD! BOW DOWN TO ME!

Corey Casey and Brandon Macdonald both exchange mischievous smirks. CC disappears for a brief moment and, when he returns, he is holding two cattle prods. Brandon Macdonald and CC both slowly walk towards the chimney as Death-Angel moves aside

“”Saint” Nick wasn’t going
Without some sort of fight
So Brandon and I
Helped to set things right”

Brandon Macdonald and Corey Casey shove the cattle prods up the chimney, electroshocking the fuck out of “Saint” Nick. Screams of agony and pain are heard as “Saint” Nick quickly climbs up the chimney in order to avoid being cattle prodded any more

“He sprang into his sleigh
As Swan Lee let out Tim whistle
And away the bondaged men all flew
Like a car or a missile”

All the partygoers run to the windows to watch as the sleigh and “Saint” Nick start to disappear off into the snow

“The IWF Roster all laughed
As “Saint” Nick rode out of sight
So Marry Christmas to all
And to all a good FIGHT”

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I suddenly sit bolt upright in my bed, sweating profusely. I look around the darkened room as I feel a confused look creep across my face

Corey Casey
What the fuck was that all about?

I turn my head and look out the window on the left side of my hotel room. I can see snow falling outside, blanketing the city of Chicago in snow. I swear I hear a noise screaming at me from outside in the streets below

“Saint” Nick
I WILL BE BACK
AS BRENTON CYRUS NEXT YEAR!