Three For All - Part II

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The crowd was silent as Corey leaned back on the couch. Anna and Keagan were wiping their eyes a bit.

Brandon: “And you think she’ll actually believe you?”

Corey: “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Anna: “Yeah what IS that supposed to mean Brandon?”

Brandon: “Oh come on. Does anyone here think that Corey Casey has really changed? Sorry. Let me rephrase that. Does anyone here think that Corey Casey physically has the ability to change? I know I sure don’t”

Keagan: “Don’t be such an asshole Brandon”

Corey: “I can see why Brandon is so skeptical. I’ve never been a model citizen. I’ve never even tried. So it must be hard for people to believe me when I say that I’ve changed. But you just have to trust me.”

Brandon: “Like anyone would trust a guy who got a rise off of making people bleed. You’re just a piece of trash and you’ll always be one. You can’t change, I know your type”

Anna: “Brandon, this man is desperately trying to apologize to his ex-fiancée, and you’re berating him because you don’t believe him? What’s wrong with you?”

Brandon: “Nothing. I’m just speaking the truth”

Corey: “Look if you don’t believe me, that’s fine. I’m not going to sit here and try to convince you that I’ve changed. I just want Jess to give me a chance”

Brandon: “Why would she give you a chance? What have you done to deserve one?”

Corey: “It’s not what I’ve done. It’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to be there for my children, I’m going to be there for her. I’m going to be the person that she always wanted me to be.”

Brandon: “I hope Jess is watching, just so she can see this pathetic lie that you’re putting on”

Keagan: “Brandon!”

Corey: “Is there something wrong Brandon? Where is all this coming from?”

Brandon: “There’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t propose to a woman, have two kids with her, then run away from all of them and leave them all high and dry just because I have some sort of personal problem. Because that’s just despicable”

Anna and Keagan both put their hands over their mouths as I stared Corey down

Corey: “Look, Brandon, if you have a problem with me, we can take care of this after the show. I didn’t come on here to be berated like this; I just wanted to talk to you guys. If this is going to be a problem, then I can just go now”

I stared at Corey who stared back at me. We stared at each other for a few moments until I grinned slightly and relaxed back in my chair. I turned to look at the audience.

Brandon: “Ladies and gentlemen, if that right there isn’t proof that Corey Casey is a changed man, than I don’t know what is”

The audience was silent as the realization of what had just happened slowly came to all of them. Anna and Keagan and Corey all figured it out too.

Anna: “So wait…”

Keagan: “You said all that shit just to prove that Corey was telling the truth?”

Brandon: “You think that everyone would believe Corey’s word? No offense Corey, but your word hasn’t meant a heck of a lot in recent years. So even though I know you’re telling the truth, how can anyone really trust you, right? I just proved it. I just spent a few minutes insulting, taunting, and provoking Corey Casey. If this were the old Corey Casey, he’d have snapped long ago and attacked me. But he didn’t do anything. He kept his cool and stayed calm. That’s what being a good guy is all about, and Corey Casey is that guy. You saw it here folks”

Anna: “Wow…”

Keagan: “Wow is right. Looks like Brandon actually did something right for a change”

Brandon: “Anyways, that’s all the time we have with Corey Casey folks. We have our third and final guest coming up after the break, so don’t turn that channel!”

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I stood up from my chair. I walked over to Corey and shook his hand.

Brandon: “Sorry about that dude. I had to do it. It was the only way that I could convince people that you were really changed. Especially Jess.”

Corey: “You think she’ll forgive me?”

Brandon: “I’m not really one to speculate, but I think this didn’t hurt your chances.”

Corey: “Thanks again Brandon. I really hope Jess will watch this”

Brandon: “We’re watched by millions every week. I’m sure if she wasn’t watching, one of her friends was. She’ll see it, don’t worry”

Corey: “Alright. Thanks again Brandon”

Brandon: “Really, it was nothing. Show’s about to start, so I gotta say goodbye. But thanks for coming on the show”

I shook Corey’s hand again as he walked backstage. I made my way back to my chair as the producer counted down. I looked at the audience.

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Anna: “And welcome back yet again to Three For All, with all of us here at 30 Rock.”

Keagan: “We’ve had a great show so far, and the best has yet to come”

Brandon: “That’s right! We still have one more guest to bring on the show”

Anna: “And he’s by far the best guest we’ve ever had on this show”

Keagan: “And the hottest too”

Anna: “Ladies and gentlemen, our third and final guest of the night is…”

Keagan: “Brandon Macdonald!”

The crowd was silent for a moment before slowly beginning to applaud as I stood up and waved to the audience. I walked around and shook Keagan and Anna’s hand before sitting down on the couch.

Keagan: “So Brandon, you’ve got a pretty important match coming up. How are you preparing for it?”

Brandon: “Well I’m eating healthy, training hard, getting lots of sex. You know they say sex is healthy for you when preparing for a physical event”

Anna: “I’ve never heard that before, but it doesn’t surprise me”

Keagan: “Yeah, and trust me, Brandon has been preparing a lot!”

Brandon: “This is true. But seriously, I’ve just been training really hard. This is a submission match, so it plays right into my strengths. I’m probably the best submission artist in the entire IWF, so Steel Angel will have to summon some magic if he thinks he’s going to beat me”

Anna: “I was just about to ask, what are your thoughts on him accepting your own match?”

Brandon: “He’s an idiot. Pure and simple. Look at the last few months. No one has beaten me, and those have been in regular matches. Now just think about this for a minute. He accepted a match that I designed to specifically advantage me. You can only win using submissions. I’ve been trained by the Gracie family. I’ve never tapped out in my entire life. Tell me, how on earth does Steel think he’s going to get me to tap out? He’s a speed guy, a high flyer. He doesn’t know a thing about submissions. I’m going to tear him apart out there”

Keagan: “You haven’t lost in over four months. You’re the IWF Champion. You’re dating the hottest girl in the world. Tell me, how does that feel?”

Brandon: “Well, I gotta tell you, it feels pretty good. Especially that last bit. I mean, the winning is great. Don’t get me wrong. But it isn’t everything. I’m sure Anna can attest to this, but last year, it was all I cared about. I was always winning, but I wasn’t having fun doing it. It seemed like too much of a job. It wasn’t something that I enjoyed doing. So everything else in my life was shitty. But now, I’ve realized that winning isn’t everything. Yeah, it’s a great bonus. But what’s even better is finishing that match, and going home to the most beautiful woman in the entire world. Or going out clubbing one night with my best friends in the world. That means a lot more to me than a silly victory. That’s how I’ve changed from last year, and I think it’s really helped me relax a bit, and focus more on having fun”

Anna: “It’s true, he was pretty boring and depressed a lot last year”

Keagan: “And none of that was your fault right Anna?”

Anna: “Of course not, I tried to cheer him up everyday, in any way that I could”

Brandon: “It’s true, she really did help. It was just me. But I think I’m a lot better and more fun and less depressed now.”

Keagan: “Brandon, there’s been a lot of insults thrown your way from guys further down on the IWF roster. Do you have a response for any of them?”

Brandon: “Yeah. A big fuck you. Seriously. That’s all I have to say. If you want to talk trash about me, get up to my level. Don’t sit there, hiding behind your midcard title and saying that you’re better than me. Once you beat me, then maybe I’ll give you some respect. Until then, shut your god damn mouth”

Anna: “Strong words. So Brandon, as we all know, you’ve been dating Keagan here for the past few weeks. Tell us, what’s it like dating her?”

Keagan: “Wow, really?”

Brandon: “Well Anna, it’s the best thing ever. I don’t mean to offend you or anything, because you know I love you. But Keagan is just the one. I’ve known her for so long, and we’ve always been best friends. And you know how sometimes, best friends try dating, and it’s really awkward and doesn’t work? That’s not happening. I realized that I loved her, and that I wanted to be with her all the time. So that’s what happened. In my opinion we’re perfect for each other. I think she would agree with all of this too”

Keagan: “I do”

Anna: “Maybe we’ll be hearing those words again soon?”

Brandon: “We’re going to take it slow. We’ve both rushed our last marriages, so we don’t want to do it again. But maybe some day in the future, you’ll be hearing that from both of us.”

Keagan: “So Brandon, there’s been rumours swirling that the New England Patriots have offered you a try-out for their team this offseason. Any truth to that?”

Brandon: “Well, yes and no. I’ve been offered a few tryouts this offseason with a few different NFL teams. But not the Patriots. Although I hope that I get an offer from them.”

Keagan: “Why all these sudden tryout offers?”

Brandon: “Well, as a lot of teams are finding out this year, finding a good wide receiver is not so easy. And I’ve been told that I impressed a lot of people when I tried out and made the Alouettes last year, even though I decided not to play. A few teams have offered to at least have me try-out. Whether or not they are serious about it remains to be seen”

Anna: “Would you go to the NFL if you had the chance?”

Brandon: “I’ve given it a lot of thought. I’m still not totally decided. But if the circumstances were right, I would leave the IWF and go play in the NFL. Like if the Patriots offered me a spot. Imagine being able to catch passes from Tom Brady. To be coached by the legendary Bill Belichick. There are some things that you just can’t pass up, and this is one of those things. Being an NFL player has been a dream of mine all my life, so to get the chance would be phenomenal”

Keagan: “Speaking of the NFL, you got any advice for those betting on games this week? There are a bunch of important ones as the regular season winds to a close”

Brandon: “Yeah I can think of a few bits of advice. First, don’t bet against Tim Tebow. Two bad games does not mean he’s lost all of his late game ability. Denver plays the Kansas City Chiefs. While they were the only team that beat the Packers this season, I don’t see them beating Tebow. This is a playoff game for the Broncos, and they all know it. That defense is loads better than the Packers defense, and will not get shredded by Kyle Orton. And the offense is based on ball control. Tebow is going to have a good day and lead his Broncos into the playoffs, I’m telling you right now”

Anna: “What about the Jets chances of making the playoffs? And who do you think makes it, Giants or Cowboys?”

Brandon: “Well I think the entire Giants and Cowboys game rests on Tony Romo’s hand. If it’s not a significant injury, and he can play through it without much pain, the Cowboys win this game. But if his hand is bad enough to make him just a little off, the Giants will feast on it and win. It’s really a toss up of a game. And as for the Jets, well, I don’t even think they can beat the Dolphins, so them making the playoffs is a moot point. Mark Sanchez is not an elite quarterback, and should not be a Jets player any longer if they actually want to make Rex Ryan’s guarantees a reality. He’s an extremely average player on an extremely average team, and the Jets don’t deserve to be in the playoffs. Those are my big three picks of the weekend”

Keagan: “Some nifty picks there from our NFL expert. Is there anything else we wanted to talk to him about Anna?”

Anna: “I can’t really think of anything. Oh wait! UFC 141 is tonight. For those of you interested, you can find us at Mickey Mantle’s Sports Bar down the road. We’ll be watching the fights from there, so you’re all welcome to join us.”

Keagan: “And you’d better get there fast, since I’m sure they will fill up pretty fast now”

Brandon: “No autographs though please, I’m just going to be there to watch my friend fight. Thanks”

Keagan: “So Brandon, give us your main five picks”

Brandon: “Alright, here we go. First fight of the night, Jim Hettes and Nam Phan. Now I like Nam. He’s a good fighter, and a great guy. But Hettes is just something else. This kid has a phenomenal ground game, getting all nine of his wins by submission. Nam Phan was impressive against Leonard Garcia, but Hettes won’t stand and throw with him. Hettes will take him down and tap him out on the ground. Next we’ve got Gustafsson and Matyushenko. Close fight. Both these men are great fighters, great athletes. I see them going back and forth for the first two rounds, before Matyushenko takes the third round and the decision. Jon Fitch and Johnny Hendricks. A lot of people think this will be a close fight. I disagree. Hendricks will win this one easily. Jon Fitch’s only strategy in fighting is to dick around on his feet a bit, then take the guy down and lay n’ pray for three rounds until he gets a decision. He’s going to have a hard time getting a two-time Division I national wrestling champion onto his back. Fitch can’t hurt a fly in the stand up, and he can’t take Hendricks down. Fitch loses this one, and it’s not close. Nate Diaz and Donald Cerrone could be the fight of the night. There’s a good chance that both of these men stand up and swing away for three rounds. Well that’s if we’re lucky. But I see Cerrone winning a close one, since Diaz rarely presses the action inside the octagon, and never seems to show any kind of urgency. Finally, Brock is going to beat Alistair. Yeah he’s the best striker that Brock has ever faced, but I see Brock coming back and proving a point. That he is one of the best heavyweights in the division, and that no one can handle his wrestling skills. Brock comes back with a bang, and then regains his title from JDS later on this year”

Anna: “Is it over yet?”

Keagan: “We asked for picks, not a novel”

Brandon: “Whatever. What’s done is done. Any more questions?”

Anna: “Nope. Because we’re out of time!”

Keagan: “That fast? Darn.”

Brandon: “Join us next week when we’ll have the winner of Brock/Alistair on our show, as well as other guests!”

Anna: “Good night folks, merry Christmas, happy holidays, happy new year, see you all in 2012!”