Dawning the Stripes

Subject: Dawning the Stripes Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:16 am

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…:::...Dawning the Stripes…:::…
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So, this week it seems that I am going to be dawning the old zebra stripes and stepping into the ring to help out a colleague of mine truly make a name for himself. Wait…Ruben Ricardo Leon doesn’t need to “make a name for himself.” Hell, if you don’t know just who the fuck Ruben Ricardo Leon is by now then CLEARLY you have been living under a fucking rock for some time now! This is the guy who managed to beat Brandon Macdonald and attain his first ever IWF World Title. This is the guy who managed to pretty much put Chuck Matthews out of business back in NLWF when Bad Company finally broke up after Ruben legit almost PUT CHUCK THROUGH SOME FUCKIN’ STAGING EQUIPMENT! This is the guy who managed to give me a big time run for my money during the Corey Casey Invitational Gauntlet Match. Hell, RRL almost fucking beat me in the first ever inaugural Path to Valhalla Match.

Like I said, if you don’t know who Ruben Ricardo Leon is…then clearly you’re fucking retarded

Now, let’s look at his fucking creepy little opponent shall we?

Seriously…Dark Archangel? That name alone sounds like a bad fucking cartoon or comic reject. Like, perhaps you should be teaming up with Wolverine and Storm to stop Destructo and the Silver Surfer or some shit. Seriously man, I don’t know what kind of a fucking theme you’re looking for here…but unless it’s some sort of failed Marvel comic book guy then you’re just making yourself look foolish.

Although, if you’re trying to make us all laugh, then you’re doing an amazing job! I mean, there is nothing funnier than having a guy who runs around in fur coats telling you that he’s the “Reaper of Death” getting his ass kicked again and again and again by any number of people. And not even just Upper Limit people…Dark Archangel got his ass handed to him last week by Stygian of all people!

STYGIAN!

I mean, if that isn’t funny then I don’t know what is. Although I don’t suppose I should be talking too much shit about Stygian considering that old Styggie just traded away his title for a chance to get his fucking ass handed to him by the single greatest IWF World Heavyweight Champion of all time. It’s almost strangely poetic that Styg decided to give up his gold for an ass whoopin’. I mean, not too many people have the courage to give up a sure thing to try for something greater…

…OH WAIT! RUBEN DID!

Ruben gave up his chance to book a match on every single show in order to cash in his briefcase and defeat Brandon Macdonald. I’d say that launches him up into the upper echelon of IWF talent now wouldn’t you agree?

But that’s what this is all about isn’t it? I mean, we have a bunch of fucking slumdogs running around the mid-card screaming about how they’re the future, or how they’re the “Reaper of Death” or how they’re creepily obsessed with their pop icon girlfriend…

Oops…is it bad luck to mock a dead guy? Meh, who gives a shit right?

The long and short of it is this ladies and gents: until you’re won IWF World Heavyweight Gold, then you aren’t worth SHIT in the eyes of the fans, in the eyes of Upper Limit, or in the eyes of professional wrestling history. Until you’ve held as many titles and had as many World Title reigns the members of Upper Limit have, then you are nothing more than a fucking little squawk box…a little bitch who just likes to run around and claim that he is “the future of the best of the brightest of the awesomest of the moistest bestest evers!”

You want to know what Upper Limit is all about?

“Put up or shut up”

I bet Rick Christian is just foaming at the fucking mouth this week though. I bet old Ricky boy is just DYING to see Upper Limit fall flat on our faces and see his precious little Dark Archangel walk into this match and, somehow, someway, manage to work it out so that Mini-DA walks out of Battle Grounds the victor. All I have to say to you Rick Christian is…

Shut
The
Fuck
Up

Now, don’t get me wrong, I plan on being as impartial and as fair of a ref as I can be. Unlike Death-Angel, I can ACTUALLY count to three. I won’t forget and I won’t be dancing around the ring like a jackass while Dark Archangel gets in some offense. That’s just not how I roll anymore. The days of me being a gigantic douche are long behind me. But you want to know what the best thing is?

I won’t have to cheat or play dumb

You know why? Because I guarantee that Ruben Ricardo Leon walks into that ring and takes care of business the way that RRL has shown that he can take care of business again, and again, and again in his career. This is the guy who was one of the fastest rising stars in NLWF…RRL is the guy who managed to defeat the greatest IWF World Champ…RRL is a guy who knows what it takes to be seated at the top of the mountain. You think for 4 seconds that he’s going to overlook Mini-DA?

Not a chance

Oh, and one other thing…Ruben Ricardo Leon might be the single best high flier in IWF history. Don’t get me wrong, Jason Hawk was good [back in NLWF]…and Aric Voss and STEEL Angel had a pretty epic match…but when it comes to the pound for pound best high flier in IWF history? You don’t need to look any further than the masked Mexican warrior known as Ruben Ricardo Leon.

I can’t decide what’s going to be sweeter…the look on Rick Christians face when Ruben Ricardo Leon absolutely OWNS Mini-DA this week…the look on Mini-DA’s face when he realizes that he just got squashed fair and square…or the look on Ruben and I’s faces when we stand side by side and I get to raise his hand in victory as we stand over the fallen corpse of another one of Rick Christian’s failed IWF Hitmen.

You can’t stop me Rick
You can’t stop Upper Limit
Vengeance will be mine
And you better believe that I will repay it in full