Feed Me

Looking for some feedback on my RPs this week. First two everrrrr with this character, so I'm wondering what works and what doesn't. Be gentle though, I'm a big softy.

Just kidding, be dicks if you want. I give no fucks.

I liked the part where he came in and shit.

Just read it. Solid work, especially for a debut RP. My only real question is whether that was just a solid debut, or if that's what we can come to expect from you. But yeah, I like what I'm seeing there, man. Keep it up.

I realize this was pretty shitty feedback

I'm going to be a little honest, the character comes across as...like, if Tony Montana was a wrestler...and he wasn't Scott Hall. He's got this ego out the ass, and he hasn't even laced up his boots. There were a lot of things that were cliche, I felt. The "hands and feet are lethal weapons" bit, that's been overdone. That's been overdone, pop culturally to death. Why does this guy have an ego? That's what you either need to answer, or maybe drop out. And what was the thing with the finger gun at the plane captain? Is this guy supposed to have drug cartel ties? I feel that a lot of this was what I like to call "badass just to be badass". You see it a lot with e-fed characters. People want the character to seem badass, so they do all these cool things they see real wrestlers, or movie characters or tv cops or whatever do, and they don't stop to think about where it fits into the character. Figure out what fits into the character, drop the rest. This is a completely new character, and remembering when Stygian was a new character I'm willing to hang back and see where this guy is in two months, because I promise you, he'll be a derivative of the guy he is now. You'll cull what doesn't work, and embrace what does.

Wow you obviously didn't read the rp homie, at least with my feedback you could tell I did

Stygian wrote:

I'm going to be a little honest, the character comes across as...like, if Tony Montana was a wrestler...and he wasn't Scott Hall. He's got this ego out the ass, and he hasn't even laced up his boots. There were a lot of things that were cliche, I felt. The "hands and feet are lethal weapons" bit, that's been overdone. That's been overdone, pop culturally to death. Why does this guy have an ego? That's what you either need to answer, or maybe drop out. And what was the thing with the finger gun at the plane captain? Is this guy supposed to have drug cartel ties? I feel that a lot of this was what I like to call "badass just to be badass". You see it a lot with e-fed characters. People want the character to seem badass, so they do all these cool things they see real wrestlers, or movie characters or tv cops or whatever do, and they don't stop to think about where it fits into the character. Figure out what fits into the character, drop the rest. This is a completely new character, and remembering when Stygian was a new character I'm willing to hang back and see where this guy is in two months, because I promise you, he'll be a derivative of the guy he is now. You'll cull what doesn't work, and embrace what does.

The thing with the character is that he IS "that guy". He does shit that he thinks is cool, badass, etc., because he's a tool. He's gonna talk himself up and he'a gonna make an ass out of himself. We see it, people around him see it, but he doesn't. He's a douche bag and he's kind of corny. He confuses that corniness for cool though because he thinks he's something he's not. He seems cliche because he is. He's a walking caricatur, but he's too wrapped up in himself and this lifestyle he imagines (to some extent) that he lives to have a clue.

Why does he have the ego? Well, a number of reasons that will be revealed over time. I don't like to introduce a character by waving all his backstory, motive, etc in your face. In real life if you meet someone like this you're not instantly going to know why they're the way they are, you're gonna say "This dude is a cock, what's his deal?". And the more he's around, the more you'll find out.

Not to say I shouldn't have maybe done a little bit more in that department in the first 2 RPs. There's a chance that I held back too much in trying to reach a certain end. I'm not sure if I found that medium I wanted. That is, to give some clues but not to give too much away.

After all that, I do appreciate the feedback. If nothing else you've made me reflect on and defend the character, his motives, etc. and that is never a bad thing.

Thiago Oliveria wrote:

The thing with the character is that he IS "that guy". He does shit that he thinks is cool, badass, etc., because he's a tool. He's gonna talk himself up and he'a gonna make an ass out of himself. We see it, people around him see it, but he doesn't. He's a douche bag and he's kind of corny. He confuses that corniness for cool though because he thinks he's something he's not. He seems cliche because he is. He's a walking caricatur, but he's too wrapped up in himself and this lifestyle he imagines (to some extent) that he lives to have a clue.

Why does he have the ego? Well, a number of reasons that will be revealed over time. I don't like to introduce a character by waving all his backstory, motive, etc in your face. In real life if you meet someone like this you're not instantly going to know why they're the way they are, you're gonna say "This dude is a cock, what's his deal?". And the more he's around, the more you'll find out.

Not to say I shouldn't have maybe done a little bit more in that department in the first 2 RPs. There's a chance that I held back too much in trying to reach a certain end. I'm not sure if I found that medium I wanted. That is, to give some clues but not to give too much away.

After all that, I do appreciate the feedback. If nothing else you've made me reflect on and defend the character, his motives, etc. and that is never a bad thing.

As long as you know why he's a douchebag then, that's fine. If you know what you're doing fly your flag, man, fly it high. I just run across a lot of guys who make this kind of character and go "RAWR I'M A DICK". Yeah, okay, why? Most guys don't have an answer for it. If you do, great! I'm just reminded of this interview I read from Alice Cooper who would get these young bands who would open for him and he said they would be so young and angry and full of energy and Alice would say, "Yeah, but where is the song." What he meant was where's the substance for your style. If you have the substance keep rocking the style. But still, don't be surprised if the character changes on you in the weeks to come. Stygian did a lot from where I envisioned him. He was originally going to be a...well the more I read his old old stuff I realize he was going ot be a "Twilight Undertaker", and I realize it was hideous. Don't get a concrete picture of the character too soon, in fact I always say don't get a concrete picture of the character ever. Don't be afraid to embrace something that works cause it doesn't fit the picture in your head. Change the picture in your head if what comes organically is working.