Duke Dice [vs.] Jinx

‘James…James, Let’s stay out tonight.’

A Charlie Sheen celebration has nothing on a bat-shit crazy clown’s. For a whole week, Jinx was celebrating nonstop. He was the Full Throttle Champion, and he had a date with a former Hi-Jinx contestant, you would think he was the world champion the way we were celebrating

Tonight was no different

We happened to be at a random Liquor store (I said celebrating, I didn’t say it was a rich Celebration) In fact I don’t believe I ever saw Jinx pay for a damn thing. If it didn’t come out of my pocket, he just simply stole it.

‘Grab me some Brown Liquor…’

Walking into the store my eyes didn’t notice Jinx toying around with the security camera, I noticed the store clerk tied up. The guy had a smile from ear to ear, I didn’t understand what the hell was going on

Clerk
“BIG TV STAR…”

James Walker
“Excuse me?”

Clerk
“I’mma be a big TV Star….Reality right? I’ll be the Hindu Spencer Pratt…"

‘Just like Spencer….with a hint of curry’

I was dumbfounded; I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Jinx was robbing this poor man and he was praising the idea of being a douche? If I didn’t know any better I would have though this fools name was Beno

‘I’m in the mood for brown liquor…What about you, Jimmy James? What are you in the mood for?’

I still couldn’t get over the clerk

James Walker
“Ah…”

‘Name it—Take it…It’s my sandbox. The whole thing James, the store, the Insurgency, there all opportunities for me to do as I please with’

The different Liquor isles were beyond trashed; the scene looked like a frat party…Nothing but utter chaos

‘And you’re in it with me.’

Yes I was

In it with Jinx

Where I’d wanted to be…

We headed for the exit of the liquor store

‘Hindu Pratt, be sure to send the bill to the board of IWF, I’m sure they have more then a few bucks to spear.’

Clerk
“No problem, my friend”

I would lying if I didn’t expect him to go Abu on us with a ‘Thank you come again’ Fuck, I watch way to much TV. We left the store, and headed to the express hotel the Insurgency had booked us. Jinx seemed to be thrilled returning to the hotel room, which was surprising considering the reservations hasn’t changed. Sure a champion in IWF got a spiffy locker room, but the sleeping arrangements never changed.

But there was Jinx, happier then Duke Dice going bust at a Vegas casino

It wasn’t until we skipped are floor in the hotel elevator that I realized Jinx didn’t plan on sleeping in the same ‘everyday’ room. He was on top of the world and he wanted to be treated as so.

NEXT STOP THE PRESIDENTAL SWEET

Jinx quickly nailed down in front of the door that was donning a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign

‘Shhh’

James Walker
“What are we doing?”

‘I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU MORONIC TWIT’

Inside the room

Guest 1
“Brian…Somone’s here!”

Guest 2
“Probably housekeeping….HEY DUMBASS….DO NOT DISTURB”

We walked right into the room, I spotted the couple on the bed before Jinx

James Walker
“Who are these people?”

‘Who…CARES!’

Brian the guest backed off when he saw the clown. Suddenly he wasn’t so brave.

‘We're not housekeeping’

Brian
“What do you want? Take whatever you want”

‘I want the world chico…and everything in it’

He looked over at me, as Brian darted for the door and Jinx dropped him with a shot across the jaw

‘Told you Jimmy James, I do a KILLER Tony Montana impression’

Impressions? Were in the middle of a B&E and he’s doing impressions?

Guest 1
“Please…This is our honeymoon”

‘Really? Considering the hotel ol’ Carl got for you two I would have guessed it was a Booty Call more than a Honeymoon.’

He grabbed her by the hair, and the poor girl pissed herself. Right there in front of the whole world. Pissed all over herself and the bed.

‘Just how I like em’ Fowl smelling, covered in piss and cheap…I take it back, this has the makings to be a great Honeymoon’

He tossed the girl into the same corner Carl, her newly husband was laying in. I couldn’t believe this, we were here for a match against Duke Dice, and I was sure I was going to be leaving North Carolina with a skew of criminal charges.

‘You know what I hate, Jimmy James’

Jinx plops down on the piss covered sheets, and kicks his shoes off

James Walker
“…Everything”

‘My, My…Is it you’ve learned a lot…Or you’re smarter than you look? And by the by, I’m not saying that you’re right.’

He rolled off the bed, sniffing the sheets

‘You are close though. I’ll give you that…But what I want to know is, why do you hate yourself?’

Here we are, after a mini crime spree, a Battle Grounds match in less then a few days time he wants to know why I hate myself?

James Walker
“I…”

‘…Don’t kid a kidder’

James Walker
“Sorry”

‘Didn’t I ever tell you NEVER to apologize?’

James Walker
“Yeah”

He walked to the window, which I’ll admit had a great view of the mass of nothing that is the city of North Carolina. The emptiness was kind of soothing

‘Then Don’t’

James Walker
“You don’t get it, Jinx…I am sorry”

‘I can’t think of a worse way to die. And I know ALL of the bad ways, inside and out. My friend Jimmy James…What I hate more than EVERYTHING…is apologies…Can’t for the life of me stand someone one saying there sorry. It’s like there begging. Would I’ve made it this far if I made a habit of apologizing? Would I have became the Full Throttle champion if I apologized for beating Beno, Tom Sykes, and Jason Hawk? Fuck no. The world is too small to be apologizing.’

That confession from a man who never confessed…

Maybe he was focused, and all of this was his way of venting…

At least that’s what I was hopping for; if I didn’t I would never believe in Jinx making it out of Heroes Also Die II as the Full Throttle Champion…

I saw the blue and red lights racing to the hotel, my heart sank

'You know what they say Jimmy James, What happens in NC...no one gives a flying fuck about'



Duke Dice, I would be bullshitting the world if I said I understood the reason behind this week's match. If anything you should be on your knees fondling my crusted nut sack for making you relevant again. Before your camo on Hi-Jinx the world pretty much forgot about Duke Dice. You couldn't get booked even if you plugged anal beeds in the asshole of Corey Casey!

Are you mad that you weren't the one getting humped by Big Dick Johnson?

Duke Dice your nothing more then a degenerate gambler, who loses more times at a poker table then Charles Barkley. Up until Isolation the world forgotten just who the hell you were. Every mention of your name had people scratching there head mistaking you for Andrew Dice Clay. But you weren't missed, not by a long shot. Everyone was hoping that you forgot that you worked here and would just wander off into a volcano somewhere. But here you are again, probably ready to spout off about how you deserve to be something more then a glorified jobber

When's the last time you mattered? When's the last time you were taken as a threat to a championship? Duke, you blow opportunities like Ron Davis blows saves.

You have no chance in leaving Battle Grounds with a win, you can't because You haven’t solved the riddle of Jinxy, and I can guarantee you my chocolate bubble gum, you never will. I give no fucks that you picked up a win against two nobodies at the last Battle Grounds. Those two cats are nothing more then skid marks on my favorite boxers shorts compared to me

This Week, I’m at my best. You’re going to see an even better Clown than the one who dominated Isolation! A Clown that will stop at nothing to smack your nappy ass back to the shit hole casino's where you belong.

Until Battle Grounds ...

ToOoTlEsSs

"Living life on the edge."

That's not just a saying, the what's I'm doing right now. After that big win last week I just felt like having fun, so me and Brian went to the Big Hand Casino in hopes of striking it rich. I never tired of this place, it's huge, there's so many diffrent games to play ranging from slots to blackjack table to roulette wheels. Before that though I needed to put on the beer goggles on so I went to the bar they have set up and ordered some old scotch. It's been some time since I've drank any acholic beverages, I think the last time was when we went clubbing and Brian had to get all piss drunk dispite being underage and me and Yuko had to carry his ass back home. Here though they don't fuck around, if your here to drink you better show so I.D otherwise they won't serve you no matter who you are.

I was downing my drink while Brian at a distance is sitting in front of a slot machine and popping tokens in before pulling the lever. I just smiled as I watched his expression, the guy just could not stand still. He was just praying for the slots to give him and payout but then he threw his head back let out a groan which told me he didn't win anything. I downed the rest of my drink and tipped the bartender while slidding off my chair.

Duke Dice: Keep the change.

He nodded to me and went back to serving any other people who were waiting for their drinks. I moved over to where Brian has popped in some more coins. I leaned to the side and folded my arms while watching Brian look like he's having a seizsure.

Duke Dice: So you win anything yet?

Brian Picther: Shut up don't jinx me dammit!

Duke Dice: Jinx huh?

That made me think of my upcoming match this week. I get to take on the Full Throttle champion himself, I'm not stranger to this guy in fact I was one of his guest for his little "gameshow" of his. I haven't forgot the fact that he made a fool out of me and to tell you what, nothing would give me a better peace of mind then to smack that poser clown and show him a new meaning to the term "whack-O-clown'.

Then I heard Brian groan again as he was unable to get anything to line up. I decided that I've seen enough and grabbed his shoulder.

Duke Dice: Here let me try a shot.

Brian Pitcher: Dude I'm telling you, this damn thing is rigged.

Slot machines are not rigged, they are designed in such a way to give you up to a 70% of winning. One coin gives you a 25% chance because only one lane is available. Two coin open two lanes and 3 open all 3 of the lanes, it's still a 70 to 75% chance which trust me, it might seem like good odds but sometimes has a reverse effect. The trick to winning a slot machine is to balance the odds.

So I put 2 coins instead of three and pulled the lever, the 1st slot hits a 7, now as anyone who plays the game or has seen it would know that the 7's are always a good thing because they are the "lucky" numbers. If you can get 2 out of three, you'll get some money though not much (depends on what you get for the 3rd slot). Now if you get all three 7's you get what's called the jackpot, the big money, odds of hitting all three is very small even with all three lanes opened. I then see the 2nd slot hit a 7, Brian's eyes at this point are going all buggy as he could not belive it. I have amazing luck, something that I've gotten from my dad who was always a poker expert.

Then came the third and final slot which nails the final 7 I needed to hit the jackpot. Money started flowing out the machine as Brian and I help to gather the winnings. People started flocking us and I was trying not to lose face here, my luck does sometimes have a way to mess me up.

Duke Dice: I'll be honest, I wasen't thinking that was gonna happen.

Brian Pitcher: How is it you are able to win everything man?

Duke Dice: Come on Brian, I don't win all the time.

Brian Pitcher: Well lets just get all this and cash in our winnings, I'll take half and you can take half.

Duke Dice: Whatever, it's not like I'm hurting for money anyway.

Indeed I'm not, we took our loot to the main desk and it took the guy a few minuites to count it all. About $12,000's worth, and because it's such a small chunk there's no tax that we have to pay meaning we get to keep all of it. Once we got our money, we bailed out of that place like a pair of robbers who just stole from the national bank. We made out with our money and I just floored the gas petal, I could not wait to spend this dough, I could use some better clothing.

Duke Dice: What a day huh?

Brian Pitcher: Yeah we should do this more often.

Duke Dice: Yeah should.

I can only hope my luck holds out for this week.



Well hey if isnt the poser of the ICP Mr. Jinx.

You might have got a fast one on me last time but this week the joke is on you.

I've never met a clown that I didn't want to beat the living fuck out of.

And tonight is a great chance for me to do that.

Your luck is gonna run out, and I'm going to hit the jackpot!

Bank on it.