Over the Top (Not Just a Crappy Stallone Movie Anymore)

A Whole New World.....

Starring:




Vincent Van Rose: The Main Man




Lori Ann Van Rose: Vinnie's Old Lady

And a cast of a half dozen or so.....

PartII -- Over The Top

I had just flopped down on the bed in the flea bag motel room IWF had put me up in when there was a soft knock at the door. It was that lil fairy looking desk clerk and he had a half slip of paper in his hand. Figurin' it was the bill or something, I told him that the Fed was pickin' up all charges so he could just send it to good ol Sly. He said it wasn't a bill, but a message for Lori Ann....This ain't good, she always comes back and apologizes with incredible make up sex. She never just leaves a note. I snatched the note from his hand and dismissed him by slammin' the door in his face. I flopped down on the bed, just staring at the words scrawled in her beautiful writing.....

Vinnie,
I just can't do this anymore.....I have told ya thousands of times if ya keep up ya ways I just can't be in your life anymore. If I ain't good enough for ya, you need to just come out and say it. What you do speaks for itself. I am headed back to Knoxville, and probably then goin' to Mama's up in Hazzard....Don't expect me to be there when you get back. I do love you more than you know, that's why this hurts so much babe.....

Love ya Always,
Lori Ann

I was shocked to say the least, in my mind what had gone down with the red head just a few hours ago wasn't anything to throw a tantrum about. I done way worse back in our early days right after we got outta Hazzard. Hell, there was this one time I had three blondes and two red heads in a hotel jacuzzi with Dwayne runnin' the camera. Lori and I were engaged then and she threw a royal bitch fit, but she never did this. Then there was El Segundo, Damn El Segundo was amazing and she ripped me a new one for that one too, but she always came back. Crying into my shoulder, slapping me, throwing drinks in my face, but she always came back. This....This just seemed so not us...Ya know what I mean. We were a volcano meets a tornado. We were a bronc' and that stubborn mare no one could tame. We weren't the leave nuthin' but a note behind.....I looked down at the note and some of the words were smeared by lil blotches, she must have cried writing it. At least she felt something. No, wait, I touched my cheek and my fingers came away damp. Dammit, Lori Ann a Van Rose man doesn't cry...They kick ass and take names, but never cry. That's what Papaw always told me.....

Vinnie: Damn, I need a drink, I wonder what that shit hole lobby bar has to offer a guy like me. Only one way to find out......

I made my way to the elevator and lit a cigarrette while I was waiting. I never could have done that back home, damn smoking bans everywhere ya went. The door finally opened after what seemed like an eternity and as it slid open there stood the most gorgeous raven haired beauty I had ever seen. She had on what Dwayne and I called CFM's, or Come Fuck Me heels. A good 6 inches and stilleto, just the way Daddy likes. And to compliment the heels she had the most amazing sparkiling grey/blue eyes. Amazingly enough all I could muster was 8th grade "Hey" lines.....

Vinnie: Hey...

Raven: Hi there...

She did that flirty toss of the hair thing but I didn't even notice....Me, Vinnie Van Rose, the guy that beds women like it's goin outta style and I didn't notice the flirty hair toss or the amazing clothes and eyes. All I could think about was how my old lady had left me and was probably never coming back....The Raven haired chick got out on the second floor. I punched the side of the elevator hard, grumbling about women in general as the doors slid open to the lobby....Folks waiting jumped back as I sheepishly slid out of the door and down the hall.

The bar was typical hotel fare, dimly lit and a lot of brass fixtures. I slid onto the nearest open stool and flagged down the bartender. He was short fat and starting to go bald, and judging by his age, early.....I mumbled an order for Beam and Coke and I told him to leave the Beam....He nodded and in a few minutes I was on my way to the warm fuzziness that is my wheel house. The bartender tried to make small talk with me and a few other bar flies, to no avail....I wasn't in the mood for talking and neither was the rumpled suit crowd either. He went back to cleaning the spot on the bar that wasn't there and wiping down various glasses. This bar was not even in the same class as the Nail...The etertainment consisted of a Billy Joel wanna be on the piano that would only play 70's Joel...Funny enough he even called himself the Piano Man. On top of that it was rollin' close to midnight and there hadn't been a fight and not a soul had been tossed out.

Check that two skinny cracked out looking guys just started to scuffle in the corner....Balding bartender clearly had never broken up a fight, but waddled over to try anyway. I shook my head and realized I was the only one in the bar that could really do anything to help....I sighed and walked over to the scene as it was developing....

Crackhead #1: He said he was gonna go upstairs and do the rest of the 8 ball and fuck my old lady man...I am gonna kill that mutha fucker....

[i] Crazy crackhead number 1 proceeded to break a beer bottle and start swinging in wide drunken arcs. Inmy experience this type of guy could hurt a lot of folks and even himself, so I stepped in just as his equally cracked out old lady jumped on the back of the bartender screaming incoherently....Clearly this situation was gettin' way outta hand.....

Vinnie: *Holding the two crackheads apart* Ain't no one gonna kill no one fellas....Why don't we all just go our seperate ways and forget this lil dust up ever happened 'k? Sounds like a good idea right??

Crackhead #2: Hell no it don't, I sold my lef' nut fro that 8 ball and I am finishin' it off man.....

Vinnie: Whoa, Whoa ... Hold the phone, did ya just say ya sold yer left nut for crack??

Crackhead #2: Yeah man, and after I am done snortin' that shit I am gonna fuck Ami, she's my chick man, not his....This is fuckin' bullshit man....

Vinnie: Man, if you actually sold your left ball, ain't no woman gonna wanna get anywhere near your mini me, even Courtney Love over there, trust me. It's gonna be more like the Elephant Man, or that kid from the movie Mask than say, John Holmes or some shit.

I couldn't take this anymore I picked up Crackhead 1 and 2 by the scruff of the neck and headed toward the door....By this time the whole bar, which was all of a dozen people mind you, was riveted by the scene. I decided to play it up for the folks a lil bit, but Crackhead 1 had other ideas. He squirmed free making me have to put the other guy down to grab him, both idiots decided that instead of runnin' outta the bar it would be a good idea to rush the guy that was ripped and twice their size. I had to let 'em know that was a bad idea..... the first dude tried to rush me and I knocked him back through a table with what I like to call the Brick Shithouse, basically a superkick to the head. Looking over to make sure he was out of the picture, I turned my attention to his buddy....I was pissed off now so when he tried to come at me he got a hundred percent of Ragin' Vinnie and got tossed right through the big picture window on the recieving end of a kick to the gut and a sidewalk slam I like to call the Bayou Bitchslap....Picking up his buddy outta the table rubble I tossed him on top of the other guy and turning back to the crowd I smirked .....

Vinnie: No ticket....

[i]....The crowd roared with laughter, but evidently the owner didn't think it was that funny. He had called the cops and they intern decided to arrest me for drunken disorderly....DAMN!! My night just kept getting better....I was in Canada, my woman had just left me, and now I was headed to the drunk tank....Oh by the way did I mention I was in CANADA!!! Hopefully good ol' Sly can get me outta this mess by Bloody Sunday.....

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On the Match.....

So it seems the MacDonald boy has his jock strap in a twist over Good Ol Vinnie here....Well listen up junior I am only gonna rip into ya this once. I have heard all the Southern jokes and rips ya can throw at me. Corey threw about half of those twice as good as you. I don't sleep with my Ma, Sis, or cousin...Hell if ya read up on me on IWF.Com *cheap plug*, you would have seen that my sainted Mama, Betty Jo Van Rose, is sleepin' with the angels and has been since about 94 or so. As for not knowing who ya are, I am an SEC guy to the core, Go VOLS!!, and the SEC is historically just better than your lil Buckeyes...So they tend to not be onmy radar. I think the past three or four times the SEC has faced Ohio St., your boys have gone down in flames. So ya see I am busy watching Title games while your scarlet and grey are either gettin there ass handed to 'em or whipping up on every tiny school the state of Ohio has to offer. And as for the Rams, they are sad to say the Rams...So about the only people that give a healthy shit about them live in St. Louis or are related to you...Everyone else is focused on teams with something called talent and skill, ya know, like the Tennessee Titans football club. My boy Chris Johnson is too busy settin' records and juking slow ass defenders to worry about your sorry ass. I know ya say you came here for something to do while your billionaire owners kept you from doing what you love, and I feel for ya, I do....But I am gonna be the one that sends ya back to that locker room with your tail between your legs like a coon dog who just pissed on my lady's favorite rug....SEE YA SUNDAY MY MAN!!!