Can i get some help here

Any feedback you can give me would be very appreciated

ok I've taken a look at your rp and already I can see a few things that need to be improved.

First off, your text is too cluttered up, try spacing your text to distingush between what is going on and who is talking and whenever actions are being presented.

Example

Man 1: You talking to me?

He stares back at the guy.

as oppose to:

Man 1: Youtalking to me
Hestares back at the guy.

Make sense?

Also try coloring the text of whenever a person is talking that way we have a easyier time determining interaction between characters. Plus it stands out more when you add color.

If you're curous as to how color code works, here's the formula:

color=red (with [] inbetween them) and /color again with [] between it. Also make sure the that any text you want colored is in between the two brackets.

Example: [ color=red ] Yuko [ /color] without the spaces of course.

Other than that it's not bad for a starter's rp but if you follow these guidlines it will help you big time.

There's my feedback, Steel Angel out.

Please, ;et me know what you think

Alright Damo, I enjoyed your RP this week. Your CD showed bits and pieces on what makes Damien tick, plus left the whole HFF thing up in the air, making people wonder why you had to do to Axle's? What is going on? I thought it worked well.

The only thing that stood out to me as a negative was your shoot. Now I did like that you snuck it into your Cd, it was creative, and imo it worked. What I didn't like was that it was only one paragraph. Now yes it is hard to shoot on someone you know nothing about, but when in doubt, talk copious amount of shit. Draw on your wins, draw on your CD. Even though the points are empty (they nearly always are against new opponents), expand on them, talk yourself up as much as you can.

In general I liked it, and once you start really shooting liek a monster, I can see great things from you Mr. Drake.

Gordo.