How I Won My First World Championship Part IV: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Baby vol. 2

Voice: KIDS! Bathroom break is over. Get your butts back here!

The sofa, normally filled with the said butts of two teenage kids, a boy and a girl, is currently empty. There is silence for a few seconds as no children appear.

Voice: KIDS?!

Silence again for a few seconds.

Voice: MARIA!

Another few seconds go by before an attractive middle aged woman walks in to the picture, dragging two children behind her by their ears.

Boy & Girl: Ow, ow, ow.

The kids land down on the sofa again, looking hurt and dejected.

Maria: I found them both trying to hide in the refrigerator... You should pay attention to your father, kids, it's a very interesting story.

Girl: Have you ever sat through it?

Maria: Honey, I LIVED through it. That means I can exercise the right to never hear about it ever again.

Boy: But mom...

Maria shoots the kids the kind of withering 'Do as you're told or there'll be no ice cream for dessert' look that only a mother can give. They both try and fight the look but quickly discover that the desire for ice cream overrides the desire not to be bored stiff for 3 hours at a time.

Girl: Fine, we'll listen...

Voice: Good, thanks Maria.

Maria: No problem, honey.

Voice: Well anyway, your mother and I needed to get to the doctors office fast. I never learned to drive and your mother hadn't started by this point, so the best thing we could do was call a taxi. Luckily your uncle Rodrigo owned a taxi company and he wasn't on a fare at that point so he came round right away...


A taxi pulls up in front of Ruben Ricardo León's house. He is stood on the pavement outside, along with Maria. They are both looking very nervous and concerned. A man steps out of the taxi and walks up to the couple.

Ruben Ricardo León: Rodrigo. I'm so glad you could come.

Rodrigo: Anything to help out, amigo. What's up? It sounded like an emergency.

Maria: It is. We'll explain the car.

The three get in to the car and Rodrigo starts the engine, before moving off. After a few seconds of nervous silence, he turns slightly to face the pair in the back seat.

Rodrigo: So what's this big emergency? One of you break something?

Ruben Ricardo León: Maria might be...

Ruben tails off.

Maria: ...Pregnant.

Rodrigo: Oh, guys, I'm so happy for you?

It was definitely a question and no mistake. It was the sort of question that everyone asks in this sort of situation, where they are unsure whether this is an anticipated event or a rather more unwelcome one.

Maria: Thanks...

The three remained in awkward silence for the rest of the cab ride, which lasted about 10 minutes. It was 10 of the most nerve-wracking minutes of Ruben and Maria's relationship. Eventually they finally pull up outside the Doctor's office and leap out of the cab. Ruben gets some money out and tried to pay Rodrigo, but he refuses to accept it.

Rodrigo: It's cool man, I owe you one anyway. Best of...err, luck, I guess.

He gets back in his car and drives off as Ruben and Maria glance at each other before rushing in to the Doctor's office. They get inside and run straight up to the front desk. The receptionist is a pretty typical doctor's receptionist. She is middle aged and is wearing horn rimmed glasses, has her hair tied back in a tight bun and is chewing gum whilst reading a trashy magazine. As Ruben and Maria rush up to the desk she completely fails to notice them. They stand there for a few seconds, waiting for her to notice, before Ruben eventually gives a subtle cough and she slowly looks up from her magazine.

Receptionist: Can I help you?

Maria: It's an EMERGENCY.

The receptionist sits there looking at the couple skeptically whilst methodically chewing on her gum.

Receptionist: What's the emergency?

Ruben Ricardo León: She might be...

Maria: PREGNANT!

The Receptionist continues looking at the couple, her expression not changing at all.

Receptionist: See that guy over there?

She gestures with her head.

Receptionist: He just broke his arm in a car accident and is waiting for it to be set. See that girl over there?

She gestures again.

Receptionist: She just got sexually assaulted and is waiting for an inspection so they have evidence to pin it on the guy. THOSE are emergencies and THEY have to wait an hour to see a doctor. You have a long time to decide on what to do with yourselves. We don't have an appointment for three hours, take it or leave it.

Maria and Ruben look at each other dejectedly.

Maria: Fine...


Boy: Did you wait the three hours?

Girl: Yeah because no story about you and mom sitting in a Doctor's office reception for three hours doing NOTHING is not worth listening to just to have ice cream tonight.

Boy: So, did you wait?

Voice: No, duh... Your mom's friend turned up to start her shift and suddenly there were some free appointments. We waited about a half hour.


The scene has cut to the inside of the Doctor's office. Ruben and Maria are sat in chairs by the desk and the Doctor is looking at some still ultrasound images on a screen. Ruben and Maria are holding each others hands tightly. The Doctor rolls back to the desk on his chair and turns to Maria and Ruben.

Doctor: I'm afraid I have got some bad news.

Ruben Ricardo León: Dios mio, she's...

Maria: ...PREGNANT?!

Doctor: ...You don't want to have a baby?

Ruben & Maria: NO!!!

Doctor: Well then, I guess it's good news. You aren't pregnant.

Ruben and Maria jump up and hug each other tightly, with the most relieved looks possible crossing their faces.

Ruben Ricardo León: THANK YOU!

The couple walk out of the Doctor's office, arm in arm, as the Doctor follows them out, a puzzled look on his face. He leans on the doorframe as one of the receptionists walks up and stands next to him.

Doctor: I don't understand. I've never seen a couple so relieved to not be having a baby...


The girl and the boy are sitting on the couch with theirs eyes wide and their mouths open. There is a silence of a few seconds.

Voice: What?!

Boy: You didn't want kids THAT MUCH but there's two of us sat here?! How does that work?

Voice: We didn't want kids then. When we had both of you we were ready for it and had been together some time. Kids, what you have to realise here is at this point your mother and I had only been together for 6 months. Neither of you have had a serious relationship yet so you won't understand, but when you're at that stage of a relationship. It could kill it dead.

Girl: I have too had a boyfriend already.

Voice: We'll talk about that later...

Boy: I understand what you're saying but even so, that's a bit of an extreme reaction.

Voice: Put it this way, I think that at this stage your mother and I both knew that this was something special and that having a kid, or having to make the choice to have an abortion, would have changed the dynamic of the relationship completely.

Boy: Fair enough. So what's next? Who handed your ass to you on a silver platter in the next match?

Voice: Actually, I managed to chalk up the first win of my IWF career against an English guy called William Darlington in one of the quickest matches of my career. Then it was on to the second round of the Battle for the Briefcase tournament.

Girl: Who did you fight then?

Voice: ...Corey Casey again.

Girl: Did he hand your ass to you again?

Voice: Well now, THAT is a very interesting story...


Ruben Ricardo León: Corey Casey... we meet again. So soon after last time, where I was just a whisker away from putting you away and earning myself the Number 1 Seed in this little tournament of ours. But that wasn't to be and here I am, having failed once again to live up to my potential. But everyone is given a second chance, a chance to redeem their mistakes, right? Well this is my second chance.

I'm sure you will come back and try and say “Actually, Ruben this is your five hundredth chance and you're just a stupid Mexican jackass” or something equally ignorant, just like you always do. Your problem, Corey is that you're always running your mouth, well this time Corey, I'm asking you to put your money where your mouth is. I want you to show me what you're really made of. You know why? Because you made it personal.

You made a big mistake when you mentioned my girlfriend the other week on Battle Grounds. What makes you think you have the right to bring my private life in to this? You don't see me hounding Jessica Matthews in to the ground to get the psychological advantage over you, do you Corey?

I know what you were trying to do, you were trying to get me angry, to lose control of rationality and make a stupid mistake when I get in the ring with you. Well, I'm sorry to say that your plan to rile me up has failed. The thing is Corey, you think you are some kind of mind games expert, that you can pull peoples strings and use them as pawns in some kind of game. But I've got sour news for you, Casey, it's not going to work this time.

You see, your little plan to get me all angry and riled up has failed. All you have done is poke a caged tiger, and very soon that tiger is going to be released and then he is going to fuck you up. You didn't make me angry, you just made me determined. Determined to show you that I'm not going to stand for your shit, and that someone other than Brandon Macdonald is willing to take a stand against your manipulation.

It's not often I agree with Brandon on something, particularly since he has joined forces with those English nutjobs, but I think it's fair to say we're both on the same page when it comes to wanting to kick your head clean off your shoulders.

The best thing about our little return match this week is that YOUR fiancée gets to watch you be humiliated by the guy you were oh so confident of beating.

Corey, I also heard your little comments about me this week and I'd like to take the time to respond. Am I embarrassed that I tapped out? No. You beat me, and I can't deny that, but you seem to be overlooking one little factor. Your description of the match was more one sided than if it had been a Fox News report about how many balls Obama was sucking this week. Yeah, you put me through some pain. Pain so bad I had to tap out, but you appear to have forgotten that you were a millimetre away from not tapping out, but from being declared KNOCKED OUT.

I think we can both agree, that almost being knocked unconscious by the pain of MY Boston Crab is slightly more 'fucking embarrassing' than being physically conscious enough to tap out to yours. Don't expect me to go easy on you this time either Corey, because last time you may have won the battle, but this time, I am going to win the briefcase.