What's that smell?

Sunday, March 15, 2015
South Philadelphia, PA
7:00 PM
~ON CAMERA~


The scene opens inside a very small apartment.  The camera scans the room, it's a studio apartment.  The kitchen and bedroom are not separated by walls or doors and the only other room is a tiny bathroom.  The camera scans to the corner of the bedroom where Tim Patrick is sitting in a beanbag chair drinking a pint of Guinness.  There is a man sitting on a folding chair in front of him, we never see his face...only the back of his head.  

Tim Patrick:
Are we on?

Cameraman:
Yes sir, start anytime.

Tim Patrick:
Hey everybody.  You all know who I am but you don't know the guy sitting with me.  His name is Chris Everett.  He won a contest on my fan page to be the person to interview me for IWF for the final time.  

Chris Everett:
Tim, it's an honor.  I'm a huge fan.  

Tim Patrick:
No problem, buddy.  Let's do this so we can go hit the bars after.

Chris Everett:
Well my first question is, what are we doing here?  This is a bad neighborhood, there are rats in the hallway and you have a bunch of money.  Why decide to live here?

Tim Patrick:
(Laughing)
Well I live in two places.  In Seattle with my soon-to-be wife Savannah is where I am most of the time.  We're loaded with money.  She comes from a very rich family and we've both mad a ton of cash in our wrestling career.  Money makes me uncomfortable.  I'm a socialist.  

Chris Everett:
A rich socialist?  

Tim Patrick:
Sounds stupid, right?  It's about love.  I would never want to change Savannah's life so much where she has to live in a dump like this but  I need to be around working class people a few times a week or else I go crazy.  Besides, I donate half of my paychecks to causes I believe in and charity.  

Chris Everett:
What have you been up to these last few months?

Tim Patrick:
I've been managing Savannah in the wrestling promotion she's involved in.  She's into hardcore wrestling just like I am so training her and watching her fight from ringside is real fun and honestly it's pretty fuckin' hot.  Ever see your girlfriend beat the shit out of a man with a baseball bat?  It's pretty wild to see.  One minute she's at home with me in a cute outfit and the next minute she's nearly killing another person in an arena full of blood thirsty fans.  (Laughing) My life is pretty crazy, dude.  

Chris Everett:
If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you about your past here in IWF and some personal life issues.

Tim Patrick:
Go right ahead.  You caught me on a good day so the chances that I kick you in the face are pretty slim.

Chris laughs nervously, assuming Tim is joking.  Tim just sits there with a straight face.

Chris Everett:
Ummmm...okay.  Let's go back to NLWF, No Limit Wrestling Federation.  You got your big break there instantly becoming a household name after nearly beating Corey Casey in his Double Cage Horror match.  You became the ultimate underdog and then evolved so quickly that by the time you showed up here in IWF people were calling you a hardcore icon.  What is it about Corey Casey that took you to the next level?

Tim Patrick:
Corey is a machine.  One of the greatest ever.  I needed something to launch my way out of the bottom of every card I was booked on.  I was facing goofballs like Knife 2 Know You and Gunther.  Hard to be taken seriously when you fight an “evil clown” and a creepy European sex addict who sings about his own cock.  One day I was walking around backstage and saw Corey disrespecting Ashley Matthews.  Good god, remember Ashley Matthews?  Jesus Christ.  For some reason I thought she was hot.  One too many chair shots to the head at that point I guess.  But back to what happened....I saw him saying nasty shit to her and I stepped in.  I don't tolerate men bullying women.  That was his whole thing though.  He was a tough bad-ass jerk and that's how he made his money.  People loved to hate him.  As soon as I saw my chance, I stepped in and challenged him.  Then it got to the point where he was pulling strings backstage with management and was getting involved in my matches.  One time I was supposed to fight him but instead Knife 2 Know You came out.  I was so pissed off that I couldn't focus and I lost.  That's classic heel shit.  Looking back on it...it was genius.  He got in my head, started bringing up my childhood.  It got so personal and crazy that I became somebody else.  There were two Tim Patricks.  One was a guy who lived before the the Double Cage Horror match on Alcatraz Island and one was a man who was born the moment the bell rang to start that battle.  It was a classic and turned me from a kid fighting for his life every week to a man without any fear of any other man.  I wish we could have had 10 rematches but NLWF went out of business and then something would come up whenever we were about to fight in IWF.  Shit happens.  I own the life I've been living for the last few years to him.  

Chris Everett:
What do you think of former NLWF owner Brenton Cyrus?

Tim Patrick:
Ever wake up in the morning and take your first step out of bed and step in cat vomit in your bare feet?  He's the human version of that exact feeling you get when that happens.  Fuck him.   Fuck Nick Ridicule, too.  A lot of people in this business are lousy bastards and most of them hold management positions or think they're better than everybody.  I've never gotten along with people like that.  

Chris Everett:
You're known for your history in the Irish Republican Army and even formed a group with other Irish wrestlers to take on the Right Honorable Gentlemen when IWF first began.  Are you still involved in the Irish Freedom movement?

Tim shakes his head as he takes a sip from his pint glass.

Tim Patrick:
Not so much.  The movement went to shit when people started following leaders instead of the cause.  

Chris Everett:
Your involvement in the IRA led to your most infamous moment in wrestling and possible the craziest match in IWF history.  Tell me about your match with Gordon Fury in Belfast when you won the High Impact Championship.

Tim Patrick:
That was a riot, literally.  Craziest experience of my life.  I've been in war, in prison, abused as a kid...but nothing compares to being locked in a cage while half the arena wants to kill me and half want to lift me on their shoulders.  And by the end of the match, the fans were fighting each other.  Hell, even the broadcasters had to be locked inside this silly looking protective box to keep them from being hit with bottles and chairs.  Everybody knew the shit would hit the fan.  I'm shocked the city even allowed this event to happen.  IWF was banned from the north of Ireland after that night. And it was the start of the biggest run I ever had here.  I went on to fight and beat Flex Johnson, Parker, Storming Raven...all in classic matches.  

Chris Everett:
You never got your revenge on Alexander Remington though.

Tim Patrick:
I don't need that kind of shit in my life anymore.  That part of my life is over.  Almost dying and being held in captivity for that long...karma will come for Remington one day, trust me.

Chris Everett:
What are your thoughts on Blyss Lockhart?  You two were super close for a while.

Tim winces when he hears her name, and puts his hands over his face for a moment or two. You can see pain in his face.

Tim Patrick:
She was my little sister.  Not really but I treated her like one and thought of her as family.  I loved her....so fucking much.  We lived and trained together.  We shared our deepest secrets and feelings with each other.  The way she turned her back on me and then ignored and told me off every time I tried to make everything right between us....words fail me.  It's not some wrestling storyline, bro.  I'm really hurt by her on a level that I've never been hurt before.  I hope she loses and gets embarrassed in her final match here.  Maybe that will humble her two-faced ass.

Chris hunches over, holding his stomach.

Tim Patrick:
You okay, man?

Chris Everett:
Something's up with my stomach.  I think I'm gonna be sick.

Tim Patrick:
You eat anything today?

Chris Everett:
Yeah...a cheesesteak from the food truck on the corner.

Tim Patrick:
Jesus tap dancing Christ, dude.  Never eat a cheesesteak from a food truck.  You probably have food poisoning.  

Chris Everett:
Tim, I need to use your bathroom!

Tim Patrick:
Go right ahead.

Chris Everett:
Ummmm...how about you stand on the other side of the door and we'll continue the interview that way.

Tim Patrick:
That's hysterical and gross.  Let's do that.

Chris rushes to the tiny bathroom and immediately Tim and the camera mic can hear what's happening.  Chris is having super diarrhea.

Chris Everett:
So..final question (grunts, farts, poo splash).  What are your thoughts on this final match you're having?  You and Jacob Figgins are (long fart followed by multiple squeaky ones) very close friends, right?

Tim Patrick:
Before I answer, how about a courtesy flush.  My apartment now smells like Big Foot's dick.

Chris Everett:
Sorry!
(flush)

Tim Patrick:  
I'm gonna sit back down in the corner away from you for a while....time to get serious.

Tim walks over and sits back down in the beanbag chair and lights up a cigarette.  The camera zooms into his face.

 

Tim Patrick:
Figgy, you're my brother.  I love you like one.  You're just as crazy as I am.  We've never really clashed so I have to admit I'm kinda nervous about this.  The other day I was shaving and gave myself a little cut above my lip.  Brother, I got such a rush from that.  I always have.  When I see my own blood, it's almost like I have to fight from turning into a werewolf or something.  We're going to be in a bloody hardcore brawl and I'm going in there to do it for the fans.  Normally I don't care about winning or losing but when that bell rings, it'll be my final time out there.  I'm not losing, Figgy.  When it's over I'll hug you and drink with you like always....but for as long as that match lasts, prepare for war my friend.

~~CAMERA FADES TO BLACK~~