Oh damn it. Not you again.

Ever had the feeling that you really fucked up? Did something really really really really stupid? Something that you should be regretting for a long time, maybe even the rest of your life? But still you can't help but smile and laugh about it? Wait.. that may just be the alcohol kicking in.. but anyways, wait.. where was I? Damn alcohol! Fuck! I looked down at the dark figure laying in the bed next to me. Oh yeah, that is right! Now I remember. Have you ever fucked up so bad that both you and everyone else know it? I looked back down at the dark figure. I removed her brown hair from her face.

Taylor O'Day.
Hi baby.

I have. Lets rewind time a few hours so I can explain.

….

I sat in the backyard just looking at all the flowers and the big tree. Rachel loved gardening. I never liked it but now that she was gone I didn't want to get rid of it. It reminded me of her. I had been sitting there for hours upon hours. Even though I am not a big fan of flowers there were other things in this backyard. When I had settled down with the thought of Justin I had set up a goal. For every sport that uses a goal. Even a basketball basket. I don't know what sport he was going to like. Now I'll never know I looked over at the empty chair next to me. This backyard was the image of the family I will never have. Sometimes I can hear his laughter. I can see his smiling face as he runs around the yard. I look over at the chair next to me and I can see Rachel smiling back at me. Then comes the reality check and just like that they are both gone and here I am. Alone in a backyard. I ran my hand through the beard. Ever since Rachel died I hadn't really cared about looking good. I had let the beard grow out again. Kat had said that it made me look more badass. So I guess there is something good about. I ran my hands through hair and leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes and I fell asleep.

I was awoken by the sound of a laughter. I looked at the yard and kid was running around. Suddenly I felt a hand on top of mine. I looked at it. Then up the arm and then her face.

Jason Hawk.
Rachel!?!?!?

Rachel Hawk.
Morning.

Jason Hawk.
But.. you..

No, let it go. Just live for the moment.

Jason Hawk.
Hi!

Rachel Hawk.
Hi Sweetie. You been out for a while.

Jason Hawk.
How long have I been asleep?

Rachel looks at the watch on her wrist.

Rachel Hawk.
Not that long actually. About twenty minutes.

Jason Hawk.
Power naps for the win!

Suddenly I feel a sudden pain on my face.

Justin Hawk.
Sorry daddy!

I watched as the basketball fell to the ground. Rachel laughed. The ball had been tossed by my eight year old son, Justin. It was weird seeing him. Considering that when Rachel passed away he was still not born. So not only had I lost my wife that day, but also my unborn son. Imagine seeing your son for the first time and he is already eight years old. Weird, huh? I picked up the ball and threw it at the basket. It went in.

Jason Hawk.
BEAT THAT!

Justin smirked and looked at me. He picked up the ball. Took a few steps away from the basket, turned around and threw the ball. Again it went in.

Jason Hawk
OK, you win this one little man.

He laughed as he began to play again. Rachel looked at me with a smile.

Rachel Hawk
Whoa! A man with your ego letting a kid beat him? You don't see that every day.

Jason Hawk.
You gotta let the kid win from time to time. I don't want to totally ruin his self confidence.

Justin ran up to us and jumped onto his mother's lap.

Justin Hawk.
Hi Momma.

It was so nice to see them both. Rachel was still as beautiful as ever and didn't seem to have aged at all. Even though it is eight years since she died. I could see myself in Justin. That little smirk of his. It is just like the one I had and still have. Though I am not really sure where he gets the love for Basketball from. Suddenly I could hear gunfire and Justin faded away with the wind. It was as if Rachel did not even notice. I watched as everything around us started to shake. More and more things faded away until everything was gone. Everything was just black. Only Rachel and I were left. Still it seemed like Rachel did not even notice any of it. She just looked at me. A look of concern on her face.

Rachel Hawk.
Something wrong Jason?

Before I could answer I was standing in the barn. The every same night that Rachel was murdered. I could see her tied to the chair and gagged. He was there too. Nick Ridicule. The douche with the red mohawk. I hated that mohawk. It just screamed out “Hey! I am an self centered egotistical maniac!” But there was something weird about him. He was just pacing back and forth. He seemed nervous. He seemed... scared. His hands were shaking and he was breathing heavily. I started to walk towards him. Maybe this was just a dream, but I am not letting Rachel die again.

Jason Hawk.
Jason, stop

I stopped and turned around. There they were. Rachel and Justin. Hand in hand.

Rachel Hawk.
You could have saved us both that day.

Justin Hawk.
Yeah, daddy.

Rachel Hawk.
Can't you see that Nick was never going to kill me. Look at him. He is a nervous wreck and you aren't even there yet.

Jason Hawk.
But I saw him do it! I saw him shoot you!

Rachel Hawk.
He didn't do it. He was never going to.

Jason Hawk.
Who was it then? Nick was the only one with a gun!

Rachel Hawk.
Yes, but you are missing a very important detail. Just watch.

And so I did. I watched as I entered the barn. Listened to the war of the words between Nick and myself.

Rachel Hawk.
Close your eyes sweetie.

Rachel said as she covered Justin's eyes with her hand. And there it was. That moment that would forever change my life. Nick finally pointed the gun to Rachel's forehead. His finger on the trigger. He was stalling it. He hesitated. But then.. gun fire was heard and Rachel's lifeless body fell forward. The real me fell to his knees and tears ran down his cheeks. But this was not what caught my attention. I looked at Nick's face. He was staring at his gun in disbelief. He was in shock. He let the gun fall down to the ground and stumbled away from it.

Rachel Hawk.
So did you notice?

Rachel asked. I shook my head. The only thing I noticed was that bastard killing my family again.

Jason Hawk.
What is it that you want me to notice?

Rachel pointed to the corner of the barn. I could see a dark figure. Laughing. It seemed familiar, but I couldn't really tell who it was.

Jason Hawk.
Wait...

I turned back to Rachel but she was gone. So was everything else. Slowly everything turned snow white and completely silent. The silence was broken by an evil laughter. It was the same dark figure. It was just standing there. Laughing. Who was this?

Jason Hawk.
Who are you?

I opened my eyes and I was back in my backyard and I looked right up into the smiling face of Monster. I jumped out of the chair.

Matt Biggars.
Damn it Monster! You woke him up!

I looked over at Matt who had a electric razor in hand.

Jason Hawk.
Matt? What are you going with that.

Matt Biggars.
Nothing!

Jason Hawk.
What?

Matt Biggars.
...shave your head...

I laughed. Matt was always great for a good joke. They could become a little to much sometimes but still funny. Lately I had really began to enjoy hanging out with Matt. He got my mind off things. I could relate to him. He also had some sad history like I do. I had been in love with Kat for years and the when finally got together she cheated on him. Because she had fallen in love with Nick. Even though Kat and Matt were cool again now I still think that Matt had some feelings for her. I looked back at my chair. Monster had taken my seat. Monster was a great guy too. He was one of those guys that don't really talk, but is still great to have around. Much like Matt, I had really start to enjoy hanging out with Monster recently. Kat had re-introduced me too them. I had first learned to know them in Crude Ambiguity. Though I had never really gotten to know them back then. I honestly didn't really want to be in Crude Ambiguity anyways, so I didn't care. I just did as a favor to Nick.

Jason Hawk.
Wait! Hold on a second. Neither of you two are high!

Monster.
Yet...

Matt Biggars.
Yeah, Kat said that she was going to bring it. So you have us sober for a while.

Jason Hawk.
Great.

I said as I walked towards the little fridge I had put out there. I opened it and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. Johnny Walker. I poured me some. I took a good long sniff. Enjoy every single straw that went through my nose. I took a sip. Mouth open a little more then normal. I let it rest on top and under my tongue for a while before I swallowed. The way that you are suppose to drink whiskey. I put the glass on top of the mini fridge. I pulled a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of my pocket. I let the cigarette hang between my lips as I lighted it up.

Matt Biggars.
Since when did you start smoking?

Jason Hawk.
Since I lost Rachel. She was a smoker. It reminds me of her.

I handed Monster the pack and he lighted one up too.

Matt Biggars.
You too?!?!?

Monster.
It is better then nothing.

Matt Biggars.
True, true.

Monster handed Matt the pack and we sat in silence, just smoking.

Matt Biggars.
How are you holding up Jason?

Matt looked at me. Matt wasn't exactly the one I wanted to have a heart to heart conversation with but when I think about it I don't really have a whole lot of other people to talk to about it.

Jason Hawk.
It goes, I guess.

I took another sip of whiskey and another drag.

Matt Biggars.
You seem pretty depressed.

No shit sherlock.

Matt Biggars.
I mean you started smoking and you're drinking whiskey.

Jason Hawk.
It happens when you are alone.

I was not in such a talking mood.

Katrina Costick.
It is OK JHawk. You have us!

Where the fuck did she come from.

Matt Biggars.
Kat! Weed! No more stupid regular cigarettes

Katrina Costick.
You boys, ready to get JHawk in a better mood?

Matt Biggars.
Hold on a second.

Matt took a drag of his joint.

Matt Biggars.
Now I am.

Katrina Costick.
Lets go hit the clubs! When I say clubs I mean we are going to the Kat Box for free

Fine but only because it is free. Kat took my hands and pulled me up to my feet.[/color][/b]

Katrina Costick.
You are coming with us if you want it or not Jason!

Jason Hawk.
But I don't wanna..

Katrina Costick.
I am not going let you sit her all alone! And I need my wingman.! And because I have been driving all the way from LA just to get you with us.

I smirked.

Jason Hawk.
Fine lets go.

I watched as Matt and Kat almost danced their way out of here. Monster laughed and followed and against me will I decided to tag along. Who knew, maybe it was going to be more fun then sitting alone here smoking and drinking whiskey.

The music was pumping and the mood was great. For everyone. Except this guy. Pretty much all night I had just been sitting at the bar. Watching as everyone was having a great time. Kat and Matt had disappeared pretty quickly so they were no fun. Well, for each other they probably were. Monster was so high that he thought I was a four headed midget that wanted to chop off all his toes and sell them. So he was hiding from me. So here I was. Sitting alone at the bar. Not that it was such a bad thing. I knew everyone that worked in the Kat Box. But it was a busy night, so I couldn't really talk to Joe the bartender. I had just exchanged a few words with a some IWF fans that recognized me. This night has pretty much sucked. I have just been sitting here getting shoots after shoots.

Jason Hawk.
Give me another one Joe.

Joe.
Wow. This must be your seventh or so?

Jason Hawk.
Just fill it up.

He took the entire bottle of whiskey and placed it in front of me.

Joe.
It is from the young lady at the end of the bar. You would probably drink it all anyways.

He said as he walked off. Lady at the end of the bar? Who? I looked over at the end of the bar. Everything was blurry. I couldn't recognize anyone. I shook my head and grabbed the bottle. I didn't care to fill up the glass anymore. I just drank it straight from the bottle.

“Since when did you start to drink so much?”

The voice sounded so familiar. I followed it.

Jason Hawk.


Taylor O'Day.
Did you miss me?

No! Why are you here??!?!? I never want to see you again! Why am I not saying any of this?

Jason Hawk.


Say something you jackass! And stop starring at her boobs! You know nothing good will come fomr it!

Taylor O'Day.
I know that I have great tits, but my face up here.

Jason Hawk.
Yeah, but your boobs are down here.

She laughed. Ugh, I hated that laugh. I hated everything about her.

Taylor O'Day.
It is OK. Every guy does and you are just the typical guy

Jason Hawk.
I am no typical guy! I am Jason Hawk!

Taylor O'Day.
That is what I said baby.

She said as she laid a hand on my shoulder. I grabbed her wrist and removed it from my shoulder..

Jason Hawk.
Do not touch me.

I said before I released her wrist.

Taylor O'Day.
Aren't you a feisty one?

Jason Hawk.
I am out of here.

I grabbed the bottle of whiskey and walked away.

Jason Hawk.
I hope I never see you again!

She rolled her eyes. I left the Kat Box and walked out into the night. I had to sober up and just go home. Staying here didn't make any sense. I kept walking. I didn't really know anything in LA. So I just kept walking and I made a wrong turn. I walked into an alleyway and I could suddenly hear people. I turned the corner to see who it was. It was Taylor and some guy. Nevermind then. I was about to turn around when I saw that he hit her. She cried for help. He hit her again. Damn it. Now I have to do something or else she'll probably get raped. No nevermind. Let her get raped. She deserves it. I looked back at them. No. I can't let that happen to her. I stepped out from behind the corner.

Jason Hawk.
Hey! Let her go!

The man turned around.

Jason Hawk.
I killed you.

Bryan Pryce.
You again? I thought you were out of her life! And I didn't die. Though I still have the scar!

He raised his shirt revealing the scar on his stomach. Bryan Pryce was another of Taylor's exes. When Taylor met me, she broke up with him because she fell in love with me. Bryan never got over it. One night I had saved Taylor from him. He had tried to rape her. I had shoot him in the stomach. I thought he died. I must have been wrong.

Jason Hawk.
Why are you trying this again? The last time you damn near died!

Bryan Pryce.
This time you wasn't suppose to show up!

Taylor O'Day.
...Jason..?

Her voice was weak. He had drugged her.

Jason Hawk.
Really Bryan? You drugged her?

Bryan Pryce.
She deserves it that bitch!

She does actually. Why am I still here?

Bryan Pryce.
Why do you even care? Didn't she break your heart too?

Jason Hawk.
That is not important!

Bryan Pryce.
Pathetic.

He tackled me down and the punches rained down over me. I faked getting knocked out.

Bryan Pryce.
I thought you were a professional fighter. Soft!

He turned his attention back to Taylor and I slowly got to my feet. I looked at my bottle of whiskey.

Jason Hawk.
Sorry Johnny but your death will go to a good cause. Not really actually.

I tapped Bryan's shoulder. As he turned around I smashed the bottle of whiskey in his face.

Jason Hawk.
Lights out baby.

I walked over to Taylor. I couldn't just let her lay here. I picked her up and walked with her back to the street.

Taylor O'Day.
.. I am sorry Jason.. about everything... you know that I love you... I just had some problems...

Jason Hawk.
Just shut up.

I quickly found a cab and we got in. I figured that it was best just to let her crash at my place so she could sleep it off. We eventually made it back to my house. We got inside and I put her to bed.

Jason Hawk.
I'll just sleep on the couch.

As I turned she grabbed my hand.

Taylor O'Day.
Jason.. Is there ever a chance for the two of us again?

NO! NO! NEVER EVER AGAIN!

Jason Hawk
… I don't know...

Taylor O'Day.
Stay with me. I don't want to be alone tonight.

I stopped in the door. I just stood there for a while. Wondering what to do. I turned around. I walked back into the room and got into the bed next to her. She cuttled up next me.

Taylor O'Day.
I missed this..

Jason Hawk.
Yeah...

….

James Shark vs Vincent Van Rose!

The Match we have all been waiting for for so long! The talking is over! It is time to put your money where your mouth is and back up all that trash talking! And VVR and James Shark have done a whole lot of that! It is time for us all to see who the better man is! This should be an epic match. But there is one thing that confuses me about this match.

Why am I in it?

VVR and Shark are the ones that have problems with each other. Why do I have to be put in the middle of that? Let those to figure out their differences. I don't have to be involved. Seriously. Does two haven't even noticed me! Even when VVR donated a little of his camera time to me he still talked about Shark more then he talked about me!

I AM THE FUCKING CHAMPION!

They are talking more about each other then me. Aren't you suppose to always go for the champion? Apparently not. I don't know. But sure, I'll let them fight each other if they want. I have no problem with just sitting there. Waiting for one of them to get knocked out then the other one can come at me. Sure if that is how you want this match to go, then sure! I say go for it!

No problem!

Anyways. Vincent Van Rose! The man that gets beat up by women! Why do you think you stand a chance here? Both Shark and I are miles ahead of you! It is exactly as Shark said. This will be just like Bloody Sunday. The only differences is that you have taken Death-Angel's place. You beg to differ but I doubt that. I haven't seen you do anything impressive here in IWF. A few weeks back you barely beat Sean O'Rourke. You have 4 loses.

That twice as many as Shark and I combined.

Nice VVR. You really did something right there And now you are suppose to hand my the ass whipping of my life? Not really. You will not even get close. You can probably knock Shark around for a while. But you ain't coming near me. I dare you to try. Just like the last time I will easily counter and reverse anything you try.

Only difference is I will not disappoint and leave early.

Come Sunday I am walking in the Full Throttle champion and I leave the Full Throttle champion.

One way or another!