It’s what he tried to tell himself over and over but it never worked. Why would it? Look where he is. He’s stuck in a prison because of who he is, who he's become. The people that are supposed to love him unconditionally have turned their backs on him. In their mind, they are helping him to overcome this demon, but in his mind they have abandoned him. He felt so guilty. After that night, after everything he put his brother through, here he was. Nick was still willing to help and support him. If it were anyone else, they would have walked away which is what Mark expected Nick to do. After all, his dad, mother, sister and friends did just that. They walked away! But Nick was still there! Mark's reckless out-of-control renegade ways, placed Nick’s life in danger, Nick.....his younger brother and that’s something he could never forgive himself for. He loved Nick, growing up, he had his back....always. Maybe....just maybe this was a wake up call for Mark Silverstone. No matter how defensive or ruthless he was, Nick ignored all of it. He could see his best friend, his brother in trouble and he reached out while everyone else didn't, even though it was his older brother's reckless, ignorant and self centered attitude that pushed him to get into the car on that night. Even after he fucked his girlfriend, his brother still looked up to him. Perhaps that’s what puzzled Mark the most. Of everybody who's been there for him it's his little brother Nick, who refuse to turn his back. After all the shit, Mark didn't deserve his brother's friendship and he knew that, but Nick didn't care. But it burned Mark up inside, it wasn't Nick's fault. Nick was just beingd the best brother anyone could think of.
It's been a week since Mark was released from prison, some nine months after he was found guilty in a race that almost took his brother's life. Since then Nick has recovered fully, which have surprised many doctors. And although he's the last person his dad, mother, sister and closest friends want to see. However despite everything his brother Nick forgived him. Since leaving jail and knowing that his family and friends turned on him over the months, Mark traveled outside of Vancouver and headed to the mountains and lake side, where his parents own a cabin. It was a way for him to escape from reality, away from the people looks at him funny and whispers as he by as those he once knew talk behind his back. With only the sound of the wilderness around him is exactly what Mark needed. For the past week Mark used this time to reflect on the mistakes he has made in the past and even more importantly, try make something of his brother's forgiveness.
It was a warm summer afternoon, as Mark sat on the balcony overlooking the lake and the snowcapped mountains breaking the horizon. His brother Nick was sitting across from him, with a smile on his face. Mark questioned how, after everything that happened, Nick can still smile infront of him. It still haunted Mark at night, knowing what he did and what could have happened. Somehow Nick was able to push it aside and look at him as his big brother. Some how Nick moved on, while everybody including Mark himself, still had the accident in mind.
Nick Silverstone
I haven’t heard from you in like what? .....Since you came out? What's up man? How are you holding up?
He didn’t speak, instead he wondered how Nick did it. How Nick became so content with life… Somehow he overcame all the shit he's been through, came out okay. Mark envied his lifestyle, because it seemed so easy to move on. Mark knew he's the reason Nick and Jennifer broke up, he knew he's the reason Nick couldn't compete in the Olympics. What he didn’t know or wasn’t fully aware of is that Nick kept the pain he's been through to himself. Unlike his older brother, who pretty much told his parents to "Fuck Off", Nick dealt with it on his own. While Mark was serving his time in jail, it was this very cabin, after Nick recovered, he came to to get away and escape the reality of life. It's the shit his brother has put him through, from the soap opera with his girlfriend, to the life threatening accident that helped shaped him into the man he is today. Nick refuse to be bitter and angery, his code is forget and move on. If only Mark Silverstone looked a little deeper, he’d find the answers and understand.
Nick Silverstone
Well?! Are you just going to sit there and stare at me all day?
Nick tried to lighten the situation, but he knew what Mark was thinking. He knew the trouble he was facing inside his head. He partially blamed himself for it. Had he been not such a jackass and pressure his brother Nick to race, perhaps Nick would have had that Gold Medal around his neck today. It's the reason why he gave him a few days after being released from prison. He knew Mark needed sometime, a few days by himself to try put things together mentally.
Mark Silverstone
I’m sorry... for everything man!
He paused between the apology as Nick looks at him.
Nick Silverstone
You know you don't need to apologize man.
Mark looks shock as he looks at Nick.
Mark Silverstone
It’s fine bro, I do.....want to apologize, but I don’t really want to talk about it anymore.
Nick shook his head. He wasn’t going to force his brother into it, but it was something he knew Mark would need to talk about at some point.
Nick Silverstone
Mark, I know you don’t want to, but you have to talk about it one day. I mean, you can't continue to blame yourself for the past.
Mark Silverstone
Why not? It was I who fucked up! It's because of me, you broke up with Jennifer. I'm the reason, you couldn't go to the Olympics, because of my shit you spent months in a hospital bed.
Nick Silverstone
And I've forgiven you man!
Mark Silverstone
Look, just not today.
Nick nods as he accepted Mark’s request and quickly changed the subject. He wasn’t going to pressure Mark into anything. At the same time though, he wasn’t going to totally dodge it either. After all he didn't come miles away from the city, in the middle of nowhere to avoid the subject.
Nick Silverstone
The weather’s looking good today isn’t it..?
He hid a smile as he said it, as he looks straight forward, while his brother stares at him.
Mark Silverstone
Nick, stop it. I know what you’re trying to do.
The younger Silverstone let out a brief laugh.
Nick Silverstone
What are you talking about? I’m just saying how great the weather been, especially up here in the mountains.
Mark shook his head, not amused at all.
Mark Silverstone
Yeah except you’re not really.
He didn’t know what Mark wanted from him.
Nick Silverstone
Well you’re the one that asked me Mark. I figured you needed someone to talk to for advice. If we can’t talk about that then what do we talk about? Why am I here?
Nick’s tone changed slightly. There was a slight frustration in his expressions. He was trying to get across the point that they wasn't here to talk about the weather. They were here for a reason and Mark needed to stop beating around the bush. Nick’s been so patient with him, but the patients is slowly running out.
Mark Silverstone
I wanted to apologize about that night Nick, but this is hard for me.
Nick nodded his head slightly.
Mark Silverstone
Everything about that night. I was just so stupid and I know you were still pissed with what had happened at the party, I tried hard, because I wanted you forget. Forgive me! That's why I asked you to drive my car, knowing it was the one thing you always wanted to do, but it was the one thing I cherished. I know you said you forgive me and you stood by my side, instead of Jennifer, something I know I didn't deserve. I was wrong and I knew you were still pissed off with me. Our friendship, as brothers was never the same. So I thought I was doing something good, but fucking shit happens you know. I accomplished to turn all friends, mom, dad, Diana against me. And you.....for some fucking reason, all the shit I did to you, you forgive me. I don't fucking understand......
"Fucking understand!"
Marcus finds himself staring in the mirror.
Marcus Silverstone
So you want to a Non Sanctioned Match against me at Ragnarok? Non Sanctioned! Do you fucking understand what you got yourself into? I know you're injured Ryan, I know you're not one hundred percent as you claim you are. After the beating I give you, not even superman, would be one hundred percent today.
He pauses as he continues to stare in the mirror.
Marcus Silverstone
I'm going to hurt you Ryan! And there's not going to be security, medical personel and referees and backstage crew members rushing down to stop me. Because this company will not be held accountable. I will not be held accountable for my actions. I get to be your judge, jury and executioner. I can do whatever the hell I want and it's all legal.
Yet again he pauses and looks at the mirror.
Marcus Silverstone
Do you fucking understand?!
He smiles as he raises his right arm up, showing that he is holding a sledgehammer.
Marcus Silverstone
Maybe now you understand!
He slams the sledgehammer into the mirror, shattering it.
Subject: Escape: Do You Understand 
Sat Jun 23, 2012 11:58 pm
