JHalc [vs.] Bobby O'Day

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The Jack of trades goes one on one with Mr. Butthead.

Posts : 20 Join date : 2013-07-03

Julian Jacobs? What a complet joke!

Seriously? Is this really how highly IWF rates me? I cannot wrap my head around the fact that IWF rates me just good enough to face that Butthead! I am really not more worth than that? Fucking James Betterman was booked higher on the card than me! Joey Miles! A complete retard when it comes to wrestling! How are these absolute disgraces to wrestling and society being rated while I am being booked against the biggest joke since Chris Cryptic's career!

But hey! I am not the only one that got completely screwed over! Pariah! The only guy besides myself on this shitty show with some talent gets booked against a fucking broom! What? What is IWF management smoking? Because I don't want any of it. I enjoy a good high as much as the next guy, but when hiring Brooms and Jay Stuff becomes a good idea I am going to pass.

Mr. Stuff! Yes, his last name is sadly Stuff. Obviously his parents didn't love him. Or his grandparents didn't love his parents. The first guy to call himself Stuff must have thought it was an hilarious joke when the rest of his family decided to join in. What a Butthead What is he even doing here? Just the fact that his last name is Stuff should be enough of a reason to fire him. Speaking of firing people. Ezekiel Task should never even be hired in the first place! Who is this relegious lunatic that thinks he is some kind of the second coming of Jesus? I bet he doesn't know that Brandon Macdonald already claimed that title, and failed miserably in doing so.

Why am I being associated with such lowlives? These men, I shouldn't call them men, these boys have already proven that they aren't worth shit! While I on the other hand has destroyed everything and everyone that has been put in front of me! So why is it that IWF forces me to stay down here. At the very bottom of the food chain! Just the fact that a guy like Noah Marshall is on the roster proves just how bad it is! Who is he? Some guy who hasn't even wrestled before coming to IWF? Why did he get hired? What's wrong with IWF? A lot of things! In fact there are too many things wrong for me to talk about here. But I can say that the first thing that is completely and utterly wrong is Underground.

No one cares about it! No one cares about the tomorrow. People only want the today and Underground is not what is hot today! Therefor it is not suitable for Bobby! Bobby is the hottest thing since ever! Nothing has ever been hotter than Bobby and nothing ever will be as hot as Bobby! That is false! If Bobby is reborn than Bobby will be even hotter than Bobby! Only Bobby and beat the heat of Bobby!

And you know what! The fact that this guy I am facing this week is a former world champion means absolutely nothing! James Betterman was a world champion too! So for all I know JHalc might be just as good as James Betterman! Perhaps Betterman for once is actually better! But this I do highly doubt! But why do I even bother? I have be running straight through whatever IWF has put infront of my so far! Why should this guy be any different. I find it difficult to find any motivation to show up for Underground when the quality is so low.

God...

I just took a piss on the entire Underground roster and what are you going to do about it?

Nothing

Because you are all a bunch of Buttheads

Subject: Re: JHalc [vs.] Bobby O'Day Thu Jul 25, 2013 2:38 am

He sits. The camera is on its side on the table. The world, for all intents and purposes, has been skewed by ninety degrees. The viewers turn their heads awkwardly to the side, craving what they feel like is "normal" but failing to grasp it. His hands aren't on the table. The smile is gone from his face. Before he even opens his mouth, his eyes roll, and he sighs.

"It's funny to call someone useless. It is in all good fun to break them down with words. In fact, I get paid to call people names, because there is some company that is willing to put my name on a check. Me, of all people, gets to cash a paycheck because my personality is as big of a joke to them as it is to you. The comedy, at least for me, is supposed to come from tearing it all down with me, and watching people fight to stop it. The problem, at least for me, is when the people trying to cling to life, or prove to themselves that they aren't just a joke, are as easy to flip on their side as this camera."

He reaches forwards and turns that camera to its normal position. The viewers are no longer craning their necks, but nobody really gets the picture.

"I am not going to sit here and make confessions of the soul like you hear others do. That isn't my thing. I like to play games. I like to say something to a crowd and then watch it play out in front of me while I do nothing. I want to twist and turn a situation so that I known that my hands are dirty, but nobody else in the room understands why. By the time all of the chips fall, I want the eyes to be so far off me, that people forget that I am in the room at all. Can any of you understand that? Do any of you i-den-tif-y with that? This isn't a fun, "I like to keep everyone guessing" kind of thing. This is more of a set your house on fire, and stand in the crowd that forms on the street outside, holding a can of gasoline and having nobody be the wiser. To IWF that kind of thing is marketable. They see a video of someone talking about blowing their brains out a window to sharing their knowledge with the passersby and think it is a gimmick. They see a video of someone firing a live round into the floorboards of an apartment and they think a guy is just committed to his character. Next week, they will probably think that he sat in front of a camera irritated because it was the best way to make you people buy into the fact that it is all real."

He sighs, more heavily this time than he did the first, and turns his head to look out the window. His bottom lip quivers in irritation. He knows that no matter how he tries to explain it, nobody is going to understand. Instead of having fun, he is bored. Instead of weaving another joke, he blood is boiling. He pounds both of his hands on the table so hard that the camera takes a reactive bounce off the table. As it hits back on, the picture flips out and scatters in all directions, before it refocuses.

"A joke isn't funny if you have to tell it twice. A punchline loses all its punch when you have to have it explained to you. I am supposed to be watching you people try and play a game while I hide the directions. I am supposed to be setting you up one direction, and delivering something completely different by the end of the night."

At this point his heart is racing nearly as fast as the words that are coming out of his mouth. His eyes dart back and forth as he talks, as if he is breaking it all down for himself, and not just for the delight of whoever happens to watch the videos that IWF has him post.

"I am supposed to be taking a bow and smiling at the end of the night while you people boo me but not because you don't like me. You are supposed to be booing because you have been tricked. You aren't supposed to go into the night with me telling you that Brad Franklin is a joke, only for him to prove every word of it to you in what could be argued was three minutes of fluff time. He is supposed to try and prove me wrong, so that you sympathize with him when he falls. I set the bar low. He tries to raise it. I bring him down with a tire iron while everyone is busy looking at the sparkly lights at the top of the arena. You aren't supposed to go in, with the bar set so low, only to find that it wasn't set nearly low enough. That isn't funny. That isn't watchable. That is garbage."

He stops. His frustrations are vented. The elephant has been placed in the room, and has been acknowledged by everyone. He reaches forward and turns the camera on its side again, before he sits back in his chair. He takes his hands off the table, placing them in his pockets, and pushes back off the floor with his heels. He licks his lips as he raises the front two legs of the chair off the floor. When he finally opens his mouth, the sound of his tongue clicking off the roof of his mouth is loud enough to be picked up on the camera.

"This week, we are going to do this a little differently. Not because I don't feel like videotaping another game of Russian roulette, but because I refuse to be your dancing monkey. I am not going to cut someone down, and then lower the bar too far. Instead, I am not even going to utter this person's name. I am not going to address anything he has said in the past. I am not going to tell you how this match is going to end even though I already know. Last time we met, I gave you all the pieces and you put them in the right order before you were supposed to. This time, I give you nothing. This time you just get to sit there and watch, not knowing what to expect. You better hope that this time, you don't let me down when the curtain drops."

He pulls his left hand from his pocket and drops the chair back down on its front legs. He holds the back of his hand, fingers together, to the camera, and smiles at his palm. He looks from it, to the camera, and then back to it. Slowly, he turns his hand, and reveals the card in his palm. The Jack of Hearts. He separates his fingers and watches the card fall face down on the table. Once again, he move from it, to the camera, and then back to it. However, this time, he offers a message.

"You don't deserve it."

» The Jack of Hearts | JHalc
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» Nick Woods [vs] JHalc
» Retarded Gangster JoJo [vs] JHalc
» Bobby O'Day [vs] Dean Vandal