Lea Idas [vs.] Chris Cryptic

Ain't nothing cryptic about ideas....wait what?

Birth of the Spartan

July 28th, 2005 Sparta, NC

“But Daddy, you don’t understand! This is my dream!”

“Stop behaving like a child Lea. You do not have time in your life for this ridiculous hobby. Now you have two choices. Either put aside the music and get serious about your education, or remove yourself from my home.”

Daddy never did have much an appreciation for the arts. I remember this like it happened yesterday...and why not? It’s not everyday you get disowned and kicked out of the house you grew up in because you wanted to chase your dream. Even today I can’t really tell you what it was I felt in that moment. The absolute heartbreak from the sudden, glaring realization that...if I wanted to be accepted by the very people who brought me into this world, I was going to have to change absolutely everything that made me who I am. I was only...nineteen? Eighteen maybe? Fresh out of high school. Well, what passed for high school. Daddy shipped me off to a military school when I was sixteen and that’s where I finished out. Not exactly a loving and caring childhood right? But that’s how things were. It’s how they always were. I never fit with Daddy’s mental image of what his little girl should be. I wasn’t my sister. I wasn’t quiet or demure. I wasn’t well mannered, or well spoken. I always wanted more. More of their time, more of  their attention, more out of my life than being a pretty doll dressed up and trotted out in front of their friends. And Daddy...well, he always hated that I would never bow. No matter how much he blustered he never could get me to do just what he wanted. And this is what came of it. My defiance cost me everything, but maybe the freedom, and the life I gained was worth the price. I stood there, for the longest time, staring at the floor. I felt like a beaten dog, I mean, it was hard not to. All they ever did was tell me how much I was fucking up.

“But understand this Lea. If you leave this house, you leave this family. You’ll never get a dime from us. Our name will mean nothing for you.”

And that was it. I never liked ultimatums, and that was just the last straw. Something in me snapped. For the first time in my life I felt genuine rage. Because who did he think he was? Where did he get off telling me that I had to choose between everything that meant anything, and my family? Where did he get off treating me like some kind of glorified puppet? I don’t know what Daddy saw in my eyes that day, when I raised them from the floor. But I know it shook him. I could see it in his eyes. And I know that the determination that filled me that day shook me. So I can only imagine what he must have felt.

“Fine. I don’t need your name. I’ll take a different one. Your house? I don’t need it either. I’ve never been anything but  miserable here, because you’ve never, not once, in my entire life, taken me for who I am. Every day has been a constant struggle and frankly, I’m sick of it. I’m sick of you never being supportive of what I want to do. So you can take this house. You can take your name. And you can shove them both straight up your ass Daddy. Because I’m done with them both.”

I packed a bag, and my bass and left that afternoon. I didn’t know where I was going, or what I was going to do. So I bought a bus ticket to New York...because that’s where all aspiring rock stars go right? New York or LA? I legally changed my last name to Idas, and I never looked back. Has it been easy? Fuck no. Did I expect it to be? No. And I would never want it to be. Because easy is for losers. Easy is for spoiled little bitches with a yapping, ankle biter bitch dog to match every pair of four thousand dollar shoes they own. My life has been the agoge...and I don’t think I’d have it any other way.

--- --- --- --- --- --- Spartan Rising--- --- --- --- --- ---

“Well, well well. What a stroke of luck, huh Chrissy? I mean, of all the people left in this tournament that I could have drawn...I get...you. It’s hilarious. Now I know, I know, you think I be shaking in my boots...but I’m not. Because like I said Chrissy, I don’t scare easily. And I know that you think that you’re going to come through, and this is going to be a cakewalk for you...but you don’t even know. Because you don’t know me. Yeah, I’ve got this terrible bad habit of poking at bears with sharp pointy sticks, because the reactions I get are hilarious. They really are. So it’s like this, I expect you to come at me with a lot of posturing, because you’re going to feel like you need to. Because that’s a guy thing, you can’t let us girls think, even for a second that we might have gotten one over on you. You’re going to talk about how you’re going to destroy me, probably call me a bitch a half dozen times or more...and I’m just sit back and giggle. Besides, it’s kinda cute when you get all pissed off an grr.”

Yeah, she went there. For anyone who doesn’t live under a rock, who actually follows the world of Twitter, you know that Lea Idas and Chris Cryptic have been going back and forth for a couple of weeks now. She prods at him, he gets all snarly and growly, and she prods some more. It’s a very love hate relationship, mostly hate.

“But seriously, look. I don’t have anything personal against you Chris, but you’re standing between me, and something that I desperately, desperately want. Actually, I guess it’s more than just something I want, it’s something that I need. I don’t expect you to understand that, I don’t expect anyone to understand it. This tournament is about more than just the championship at the end, it’s about me proving not just to everyone else, but to myself that I not only deserve to be here, but that I’m capable of holding my own. I mean, my entire life somebody has been tripping all over themselves to tell me that I’ll fail, that I’m hopeless. I know that it’s a part of life, that no matter what you do, or how good you are at it, someone is always, always going to be there telling you that you aren’t good enough. That you’ll fail. That you’ll fall. And it becomes a testament of your own ability to overcome despite that doubt. But it gets old. It gets old constantly being belittled and underestimated.”

Quote :

Yeah, so, my apologies. It’s been a really rough week, physically and emotionally for me, and I just can’t get my head in this. I tried though. Next week will be better. Promise.

There is a saying in this world of ours that you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family.  I call massive bullshit on this.  There are some people in this world that noone in their right mind would be friends with.  My best friend Gordon Fury is one such person.  He isn’t someone you go “yup, I am going to be your friend” to, because he is one of the most frustrating people alive.  And yet, he has been there as my friend for many years, and to this day I still can’t work out why.  For all of his downsides, Gordo is as loyal as they come, even if he constantly make me want to tear his intestines out through his nose.


Chris Cryptic: No.

Gordon Fury: Come on man don’t be gay.

Chris Cryptic: No, I’m not gonna do it.

Up until this point on my road to getting back in the ring, I have trained alone. Letting the quiet and my own focus drive me.  However with Gordo and I competing the same week, we decided to make like old times and train together.  Its not a big gym, because the bigger the gym the more roided up wankers there are, and we would end up getting into a fight.  To that point also, we picked a 24 hour gym.  So we are in the gym at a godforsaken time in the morning, the only two people here. I’m working on my striking while Gordo has a punching glove on each hand. I throw a right haymaker into the glove.

Gordon Fury: I’m telling you man, this is the perfect opportunity to do it.

Chris Cryptic: I am not going to “sneaky tit grab” Lea on our freefall skydive.

Since I have come back to wrestling, I have been getting to know a woman named Lea Idas, I have no fucking clue how it happened, but I asked on her a date and she said yes.  I thought it went well, and now we are gonna go on our second one, in which we are going on a freefall skydive.  Her idea of course.  And obviously, Gordon has had a “brilliant idea” for me for the date. God help me.

Gordon Fury: Dude I don’t mean like strangle her tit or anything, just you know, freefall skydive, spinning around and shit, then oops, you accidentally grab her tit.  She can’t get up you, cause “its an accident”.

I shake my head before throwing the next punch. He is rediculous.

Chris Cryptic: Gordo, we would be on a date. I don’t need to sneaky tit grab, because the aim is to earn it the hard way.

Gordon Fury: Exactly man, but what if they suck?  What if you put all this work in and they aren’t worth it? Its like a try before you buy kind of thing.

Anyone else and I would think they are joking, but I know he isn’t.  And that is terribly sad.  He wants to make “sneaky tit grab” a “thing”.  And it scares me.

Chris Cryptic: Gordo we both know you don’t consider any tits to suck. Ever.  Plus you have seen what Lea’s look like.  I have faith they are worth the wait.

Gordon Fury: Whatever man, your loss.

I throw another combination into the gloves before Gordon decides to break the silence.  What a shock.

Gordon Fury: So you and Lea huh?

Chris Cryptic: Yes...

Gordon Fury: Do you like her? You gonna try and make his a thing?

Chris Cryptic: To be honest, I don’t know man. I mean I like her, but I’m honestly not looking too much into it at this stage. I enjoy spending time with her, and I assume its mutual, but we will just cross that bridge when we get there I suppose.

Gordon Fury: Ah yeh fair enough... Have you fucked her yet?

God damn it Gordon.

Chris Cryptic: DUDE! Not cool man!

Gordon Fury: So that’s a no?

Chris Cryptic:: Not that it is ANY of your business, but yes, thats a no. Its been one date man, what did you expect?

Gordon Fury: I don’t know man, I kinda picked Lea for a nympho.

Chris Cryptic: …

Gordon Fury: What?

Must.. resist.. urge... to murder.

Chris Cryptic: Dude, just stop talking.

Gordon Fury: Make me.

My next punch goes right between both punching bags and nails him straight in the nose.  He takes a step back and holds his face.

Gordon Fury: Ah you fucking prick!

Chris Cryptic: Sorry, I slipped.

Gordon Fury: Sure you did.  Arsehole.

Yup, THIS guy is my best friend.  No wonder I have anger management issues.  Gordo goes to get some ice for his nose as the scene fades to black.


The scene opens and i’m in a motel room.  I know its not the grandest or creative of settings, but once I get settled in it will get better, promise.  Anyway down to business.

Chris Cryptic:You know, life has a funny sense of humour.  I beat Noah Marshal last week, and this week I run into someone I know fairly well at this point, Lea Idas.  In fact Lea, I think I know you better than you give me credit for.  From your very name I could tell you were a strong person, and knowing you has only confirmed such things.  I am not a person to someone lightly because they have tits Lea, and if you thought I was, turns out you don’t know me.  I know you are driven to win this Lea, and from what I saw last week you have the skill, so I am treating this as anything but a joke.  I know what you are coming at me with, but once again the problem that plagued Noah plagues you as well Lea.  Experience.

See like Noah you have only had a couple of matches Lea, you have really only started to get your feet wet.  You are confident in your ability, and you have every right to be, but your lack of experience has lead you to underestimate me.  Because of my angry outbursts, you assume you can manipulate me, that I am like every other dick bag that thinks women are nothing more than trophies, walk overs.  To me this week Lea, you are not a women, you are an opponent who stands between me and my goal.  You are someone who is as determined to stop me as i am to stop you.  What you don’t realise Lea, is that once that bell rings, a focus comes over me that gives me clarity over a match that you can’t begin to understand.  You know how I know?  Because you don’t have the experience.  You don’t completely understand the transformation people make once that bell rings, the experience of fighting someone who takes you seriously as a competitor.  

Its not the fact of power, speed, or even skill. I am going to beat you Lea, because I am going to catch you off guard. Even hearing this now and trying to prepare for it won't help you, because you won’t truly understand until the point of impact, at which point it will be too late.  This my style of match, in my style of environment, against a driven and determined opponent.  This isn’t something new for me Lea, and after last week, any hope of ring rust affecting me is gone.  I crushed the hopes and dreams of one rookie last week Lea, and I’m sorry to say but I intend to do it again this week.  Prepare to be another victim of the Cryptic Age, and I look forward to your excuses after I beat you.

The scene fades to black.