A Look In My Mind

The following is a look into my mind and my thoughts at various points of my career. Everything happens for a reason and my life has been one giant clusterfuck.

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“Rage is defined as an emotion where someone reaches a point of extreme anger. For some they never reach the point of no return. Those who are on the edge of going over just need a push in order to go over. The people who normally fall over this edge are sometimes those who break the law, or kill the innocent. I have fallen over the edge multiple times in my life. Every time I managed to climb my way back up and over the edge and regain control before I went too far. Every time I do so it becomes harder and harder to prevent my mind from spiraling out of control and allowing Slayer to take complete and utter control. Whenever Slayer takes control, bad things happen. Weather it’s events like the Roadkill Massacre back when I was sixteen years old. Or even going so far as to nearly ending the career’s of certain wanabe wrestlers who thought they could beat me. Either way you look at it, the two sides of me are completely different. Slayer has put it in perfect terms. I show mercy, but Slayer, Slayer is remorseless. Slayer is emotionless, he’s heartless, he’s evil, he’s diabolical, he’s cynical, he’s a maniac. All those words only begin to describe just how dangerous Slayer is. But how I characterize Slayer is that he’s like a mentally unstable evil child. He actually enjoys hurting people, he enjoys watching people in pain. He loves looking at the battered and broken bodies of his victims. That sick smile that shows on my face after the destruction has ceased is Slayer’s way of admiring his handy work.

Mercy is seen as an act of weakness. If you stand in front of the defeated with your finger on the trigger and you decide against pulling it, what kind of person are you. Ryan sees that letting his opponents live is his way of showing his respect towards them. Ryan doesn’t get it. Those who don’t deserve to live, deserve to be destroyed. I hear all this shit about how in ancient times, warriors lived by a code of honor. They say that showing mercy has no place on the battlefield and that the battle is never truly over until one side has been eliminated. They also say that wars are fought to bring peace. But what is peace but a five letter word. Peace is impossible to obtain, war is the nature of mankind, violence is the natural instinct of man. Man is basically driven by the need to conquer and control the weak. I feel that peace is a meaningless necessity, no one is ever truly at peace. They might say that war is only to obtain peace and preserve freedom. Peace can’t be obtained if wars happen everyday in every place. And no one is free, freedom is something in which people want. But if you are working for someone you aren’t free. You are pulled into something in which people assume is part of freedom, but deep, deep down it really isn’t. To those who don’t understand what I mean, man was made to create and to destroy. God made us to live how we want to live, to make choices that we feel are the right things to do. But we choose to build, we choose to fight, we choose to destroy. We see fate as destiny and destiny as fate.”

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“’He who makes a beast out of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man.’ That there is a line that people hear at the beginning of Bat Country by Avenged Sevenfold. It must apply to myself at this point in time. I mean seriously, for five years I’ve done my best to avoid allowing Slayer to roam free and if I had, I might have lost any and all self control I had at the time. Fortunately over time my self control had become stronger and I was able to keep Slayer dormant. However, back in January cracks started to form in my mental seals that kept Slayer from taking control. It wasn’t much, at least not until my supposed death at the hands of Brenton Cyrus. Slayer saved my body while my soul wandered aimlessly around on this earth.

After my soul returned to my body, I started having bouts with Slayer over control. He started to show himself to the world, especially when I faced TJ Tilli, that was when he took complete control for the first time. He completely annihilated TJ and even went so far as to prevent the referee from doing his job. I managed to regain control and end the match. But as of late it’s become a temptation to let him go and do whatever the fuck he wants. One man has been responsible for that. He has caused more stress in the past month for me, than Corey, Brenton or anyone else has been able to cause in my entire life. That man is the so called legend, Tommy Cornell. He is a bigger pain in the ass than Jason ever was to me.

I mean seriously, it’s not like he’s just started being a major annoyance to me. Ever since day one, Tommy has been the biggest critic of my career. When I attacked Brenton during my debut and proclaimed that Brenton wsasn’t a god. The first person that put me on the spot and criticized me, was Tommy. Who was the first person to mock me for only holding onto the World Heavyweight Championship for a few minutes? It was Tommy, it was a real pain in the ass to hear this. Tommy, where do you get off trying to talk shit at me. Sure I haven’t had a legendary career like you claim to have had. You’ve been the biggest trigger for Slayer to break free.

It wasn’t even that much of a problem until I became the Rising Star Champion, that’s when you really got on my nerves. You heckled me, mocked me, criticized me, and even went so far as to jump me. What really took the cake was when you got your little cronies to constantly attack me from behind. It really pissed me off. But the straw that broke the camels back was when you screwed me out of my Rising Star Championship.

You said you would call the match right down the line but instead of calling it down the line. You allowed a ddt onto a chair right in front of your face to go of unpunished and counted the pinfall. Oh but that’s not the only thing you did, you also put your hands on me, something that a match referee is not allowed to do. You also allowed steel chair shots to my head, and counted way too fast when he pinned me. You are seriously corrupt beyond all belief. You’ve ducked me so much over the past month, and you need to realize that I am much better than you think I am.

You seem to think that I am not good at all considering my past month here. But look at who I’ve had to face, I’ve faced Nick Ridicule, Corey Casey, Leon Lonewolf and Randy Fields. Nick and Corey have already established themselves as two of the best in the company. Now I did fight a weakened Nick, however, I underestimated just how weakened Nick was, and it cost me. Then there was Corey, he was on a roll larger than anyone in NLWF at the time, he still is. Leon, I defeated easily since he was no where near my level. And Randy, well I have to hand it to him, he’s a lot better than I gave him credit for, granted he had help in beating me.

Now it comes to you, you’ve hidden behind your so called New Breed for the past couple of weeks. That is why I am calling you a coward. You haven’t show any guts and straight up challenged me. The only time your buddies didn’t jump me while my back was turned, you hit me with a cheap shot and handcuffed me to the ring ropes. If you want to see just how dangerous I can be, just wait until this week. And how about we see just how long you can last when Slayer is unleashed.”

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“Down with the Sickness is a song by the group Disturbed. This song seems like it fits me in certain ways. The reason why is that in my situation the “Sickness” is Slayer and the songs name would refer to me allowing Slayer to do what he wants. Each time I get “Down with the Sickness,” Slayer takes control and completely decimates those in his path. Unfortunately this hasn’t been that good for me the past few weeks. One example was three weeks ago, Slayer was distracted when I was facing Corey and I turned around into a spear. When ever Slayer takes control I lose all sense of right and wrong.

Does Ryan really think I am nothing more than a “sickness?” There’s a difference between me and a sickness, and the difference is that you can get rid of a sickness. In my mind I think Asylum by Disturbed fits. This mind feels like an asylum for me. I’m trapped inside and I can’t quench my thirst for pain as long as I am stuck inside. I was trapped deep inside Ryan’s subconscious for so long, it nearly drove me insane. The funny thing is it made me think. And I had an epiphany, I realized that one day the need would arise when Ryan becomes desperate and will be forced to turn to the one entity he feared more than anything ever imagined, me.

Slayer’s right, I do fear him. I fear what would happen if I allow him to roam, especially after what happened back five years ago when Slayer was born and he killed five people and after that day, my life changed for ever. You see when I think about, he’s been both my worst enemy and my greatest ally. We’ve got to look at the brighter side of things when stuck in a predicament like this. I was a near complete shut in before Slayer’s existence. I boxed in every emotion, I avoided every confrontation, I backed out of every fight, and I chose the easy way out. Rarely do I ever agree with Slayer’s actions. But if it wasn’t for him, I never would have made it to this point in my life where I can honestly say that I became a better person for various reasons. He’s done so much for me and yet in the end, he’s still a menace to society.

“Wow, he hates me, but at the same time he thanks me. I’ve screwed up his life and I’ve helped his life. In a way I’ve driven every single person he’s ever cared about away. I’ve caused his death, and saved his body for his resurrection. And yet in the end, I’m an ally and enemy of his. How does that even happen? How can one be hated and loved at the same time. I just don’t understand it. I guess since I’m just a heartless and destructive force, I’ll never understand. And quite frankly, I don’t care. I am the product of all of Ryan’s anger, his rage, and his fear. I am the destruction behind his desire. I destroy what he can not. I see life as nothing more than a person dying from the beginning of their life. No one is truly immortal. Only those who realize this can truly understand just what the meaning of life is. However, even I don’t know what the meaning of life is. No one does. That’s the question of the millennium. Life is expendable, and those who are truly weak are do not deserve to live at all. The only emotions I understand is anger, rage, and fear. I see the other emotions as nothing more than weakness. They can’t understand just how much I look at my life and understand just what I am capable of doing. The same can be said for Ryan.

For the past five years I’ve done nothing more than fear the entity that has resided in my subconscious for that long. I’ve never given much thought to it, but it’s now just dawning on me. Slayer is constantly doing what I refuse to do. But in reality, it’s still me that is responsible for all of it; Slayer is simply just doing what I think about doing it with out contemplating the repercussions of the actions he takes.”

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“They say M. Night Shyamalan is the king of twists. I say pro wrestling is the god of twists. I mean seriously could someone like Shyamalan could write a twist like the one I just found out this past week. For 21 years I was under the assumption that I was Ryan Apollos. Then this past Summer I find out that I’m not an Apollos, then I find out I’m a Hawk and that Jason is my brother. That lasted until midway through August, when I find out that I am not a Hawk. I started to have an identity crisis, I had been mislead into thinking I’m someone who I really aren’t. Now I find out that I am actually the son of someone who has ridiculed me, mocked me, and made fun of me. I found out that my father is Tommy Cornell. The real kicker was when he said that bringing in the “New Breed” was part of his plan to make me a star. He intentionally put me in a match against someone who apparently was meant to be a jobber to the stars. I went into the match confident I would win. That wasn’t the case, I actually went into the match a little too confident and I lost cause I underestimated Randy. Is that some form of tough love?

Now when I found out my father was Tommy Cornell, I almost laughed myself to death, which is impossible considering I’m nothing more than his alter-ego. When would people think that it’s easy finding out that your father is one of your enemies? It’s kind of ironic also, someone Ryan was thinking about killing, was someone that knew who his parents were. It doesn’t bother me one bit, I’m not Ryan. I’m Slayer, the result of sixteen years of anger and rage locked up like some animal in a cage. Ryan keeps talking about the Ultimate Trigger. It’s the one thing that almost always causes me to be unleashed upon all the opponents. Ryan had been trying to figure out just what that Ultimate Trigger is. Now he knows just what the Ultimate Trigger is and it’s up to him weather he’ll let me go destroy his father or just let it go.

I have said that I will destroy whatever the Ultimate Trigger is once I figured it out. Then two weeks ago I figured it out, it was Tommy. I was set to go destroy Tommy last week, but he stopped me and defeated me. Then he made things a lot more difficult for me, he revealed the truth behind my identity. After that I got to thinking, would destroying Tommy really be the answer to all my problems concerning finally taming the destructive force known as Slayer. I had thought about it for the past week. I weighed the pros and cons. I’ve never given this thought about anything before in my life like I’ve thought about this problem. I finally got my answer, I did give my word that I would forget my grudge with Tommy if he could beat me, he did and in convincing fashion. I decided to let it go and not attempt to destroy the Ultimate Trigger. I have chosen to embrace my identity and attempt to tame the beast that resides in my mind. Eventually I will succeed and when that happens I will become the most dangerous force in the history of professional wrestling.”

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“It took a little longer than expected, but I finally did what I said I would do. And this time it didn’t involve any cheap shots. It didn’t involve any conniving referees who was actually my father. My loss to Randy Fields played in my head over a million times in the past two weeks since it happened. It was an hour before the match when I realized I needed to get the upper hand before he even realized it for me to make sure I would win. That’s when I decided to jump him backstage before he came out for the match. My plan worked and he received the worst beating of his career. Now I have a chance to prove that I deserve to return to the main event scene. This week I team with Brenton Cyrus, Chuck Matthews, and my dad, Tommy Cornell. And together we face Corey Casey, Nick Ridicule, Aaron O’Shea, and Death Angel, if he shows up. Add to that Jason Hawk is the guest referee and your set. I don’t know my plans for Seven Sins yet, but I have a very good feeling I will by the end of Revolution.”

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“Time and time again I’ve talked about getting revenge for Alexis’ death. The perpetrator has eluded payment for his crime. I’ve tried everything to gain revenge. I took my time, didn’t work. I joined his stupid group, Rated Most Hated, to try and screw him over when the time was right, never got the chance. I’ve practically run out of ideas. But I’m not done, not by a mile, because sooner or later Corey Casey will run out of lucky breaks, he’ll run out of victories, he’ll pay no matter how long it takes.”

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“Thinking about my last two matches, I realize my mind wasn’t exactly in the right place during the match. Against Nick, I was cocky, what more is there to say. I went in there on a winning streak and at a hundred percent, Nick wasn’t exactly one hundred percent physically and mentally. My arrogance got the best of me. Then there was Corey, at first I was prepared for him I was focused mainly on beating him. Then I let Tommy wiggle his way into my mind and I ended up getting a split focus, unfortunately for me the focus was 25/75, 25 percent on Corey, and 75 percent on beating the holy hell out of that loud mouth who probably would push his own grandma out into an oncoming bus just to please Bad Company. I will walk into Revolution: Direct Hit with one goal in mind and that’s to no matter what, walk out as a champion either way. And I don’t give a shit now about either I face Tommy in a tag match with his little sheep of a friend or one on one. When we do face each other, I will tear Tommy’s vocal cords out of his mouth and shove them up his ass, which in a way helps him, because he won’t be metaphorically talking out of his ass anymore.”

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“I have been every which way in my career. I have been cheered, I have been booed. I have been loved, I have been hated. I have been champion, I have been chump. I have been the hunter, and I have been the hunted. No matter what way you look at it, I have seen and heard it all. I have fought them all, and I have beaten some of the best this company has to offer. I was once the Rated R Champion, the one man Tag Team Champions, and the Rising Star Champion, that’s all in the past now.

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=The Match=

Another triple threat match, two more victims in my quest to make it back to the promised land. Of course Libra might just be a real problem. On the other side, is the biggest idiot in IWF right now. And don’t be crazy enough to say you’re not, cause you attacked a guest commentator under the assumption that I was your opponent. You obviously didn’t get the memo that I had to pull out of our scheduled match.

As for Libra, not sure what I can expect from you, I haven’t faced you until now and I will not underestimate you like Tyson did last week.