Closing Statement Don't Take It Personally

Alright, so I'm here to give my thoughts on the match fully. YES, I didn't do it in my last one, wanna fight about it?! Family Guy But here's what I've got to say about this entire match. First off I want to talk to you Death Angel. Yes the big fella who can barely walk without shakin' the ground. Look at me and what do you see mate? Honestly tell me what you really see because it appears you think I'm going to lose to you. Now there are two things you forget Angel, two things you might not know about me, or I didn't tell ya about. I don't give two shits if you were nine feet tall, seven hundred pounds and could lift a train with your fuckin' cock.

You need to learn to NOT sound like a complete jackass in front of everyone because HONESTLY...if you claim to be the "Outlaw" there's gonna be some lawyers knockin' at yer door. Here's somethin' you NEED to learn, I'm not out here to bust your balls. I'm out here t'make ya see that th'way you're going is gonna lead ya down a bad road mate. You're going to need to know you're not facin' two bastards who haven't been around the business. I'm here...to wrestle...I'm here to put on a show, I'm NOT here to lose to you, and I'm NOT here to make this night horrible.

So look deep down inside of your crazy lil' noggin DA and ask yer'self is this REALLY the road I want to go down. Do I REALLY want to sound like a bald prick, or do I want to actually want to win this belt and PROVE to everyone that I'm the best? You can't have both answers mate, and you surely can't fool me into believin' you're some sort of monster. Monsters belong under beds and closets. Wrestlers belong in the ring where they can showcase their work. You can't be both, so I want you to squat down and think REAL hard about what you're gonna say next, because it might be th'best if you wanna beat me.

Don't worry, I'm not done with you yet. I want to talk to Ryan, because it seems he's disappear from the face o'th'Earth or somethin'. RYAN, if you can hear me, I want you to know that if ya dick me and th'fans tonight you're gettin' yer'self a square helping of ass kicking from me and/or Death Angel. Are ya not hungry enough?! Do you not WANT this belt?! What do you want Ryan, please, enlighten me of what you desire, because if you want something better than this then you're shit outta luck. They put you in this match for a reason.

To let the people know that you weren’t washed up. To let them know you’re going to be kicking some fuckin’ ass and coming home with my belt. YEAH, I want you to win a little because it’s good to see guys like you come in and show people what you can do! It’s always good to see wrestlers from the past do EVERYTHING they fuckin’ can to make it in this business! But I guess I was wrong right? Th’Ryan Apollos I heard was the truth? M-Maybe I’ve got some trouble with trusting people, I don’t know Ryan, I really don’t. But I DO KNOW…that when that bell rings I’m going to be running through a giant and a veteran. Nuff said.

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Connor O’Shannon: Are we rollin’?

The camera fades in showing me with the High Impact Championship over my right shoulder. I look at the camera for a bit.

Cameraman: We're all good.

Connor O’Shannon: Awesome. Well first, let me say, I'd like t'think you both for takin' time out of yer busy schedule from workin' our and whatever shit yer doin' to listen to this. That's right I'm already in Pittsburgh waitin' for you two to come. It's what nine right now? I'm anxious to see what you boys are gonna do in this match. Because remember, it's th'first PPV in IWF, you don't want people t'think you choked right?

Anyways, I want to address th'big man because he seemed t'have the most t'say. Death Angel, maybe you don't know who I truly am so I'll try t'go slow fer ya. I'm Connor, the High Impact Champion. Which means I was in the same match you were in for this belt. Where you made this big ass deal fer yer return. You wanted to set the mood; you wanted to be the monster who would run across IWF and bitchslap anyone who stepped in yer fuckin' face.

Then you forgot one thing when you took on this match: I'm fuckin' Irish. I've been fightin' since me Ma and Da laid in their one little bed and fucked and me Ma spewed me from her holy area. I'm not one to back down from a fight mate. I ain't the type t'piss me'self every time some big ass son of a bitch. Believe me two feet ain't gonna scare me. So that's out of the question, the little schizophrenic bullshit yer doin' won't win ya anyone over.

So you're shit out o'luck lad. I'm going to walk into this match, look you in the fuckin' eye and smile. Because I got you, I see you for what ya are. I'm not scared, I'm amused. Think of it this way, if you were a kid and you were afraid of the Boogeyman...and yer Mama told ya there ain't no such thing. Opened yer little closet door, showed you under the bed it was just an ol'sock ya left under there. The teddy bear behind yer door with the rain coat on...all of these things prove there ain't no such thing as a monster.

So when I look at ya, I see this big dude, who uses his size to get what he wants. But this ain't a horror movie mate. This match...this is the only thing that matters. You aren't going to beat me down, you will NOT be takin' me belt from me. I'm going to fight, I'm going to thrive, and reach my goals like I've said in the fuckin' past. You aren't going to be that big fuckin' roadblock in my path lad. I can assure you that...

And so we move on to you Ryan. Yeah you, the bastard who can't even say hi to th'champion?! That hurts my feelings Apollos, I thought we would get to know each other. Go out for a beer...talk about some random shit and end up drunk, waiting up in a hotel room with three different races of groupies! But I guess a boy can dream huh lad? Well if you don't want to talk I guess I have to then huh?

Ryan...this is your first match in IWF. Th'first is always the most important, and it's th'one thing that shows if you're willing to go. I want to know are you REALLY ready to go and face me Ryan? Do ya feel like you're gonna be sick? Like ya might puke? You nervous boyo? Well we can't have that, so I'll be the one to kick your ass so hard you're going to be brushes my foot toes instead of your fuckin' teeth. One thing I don't like is cowards, I don't like havin' to waste energy on someone like you Ryan; but yer there, what th'fuck can I do about it?

God just decided to fuck you over for Sunday night. I can't blame him, I haven't heard anythin' from ya since you came back last show. And now people expect you to walk out of Demolition Day with th'fuckin' win?! AND THIS...is why we don't go on wrestlin' forums and start shit. (YER BREAKIN' TH'FOURTH WALL CONNOR!!! )

Cameraman: Connor, we're running out of time.

Connor O’Shannon: Hold yer horses pencil neck I'm almost done.

Cameraman: Pencil neck ? --

Connor O’Shannon: ANYWAYS! The cameraman is bein' all butthurt about somethin'. He must be on his period or somethin'.

Cameraman: *sigh* Just finish okay?

Connor O’Shannon: Whatever...

I roll my eyes and smirk at the camera lens.

Connor O’Shannon: I'm going to give you boys some advice. Tonight...forget about th'belt, fuck the belt, you aren't gettin' it so you should just stop thinkin' about it. Tonight focus on me, I'm the guy who got th'title. Not you two, why should this pale looking fucktard get th'spotlight?! Why in th'Hell should he even be on the CARD?! He shouldn't even be in IWF!!

Oh don't give me that look, you know y'both were gonna say that. I'll tell you why I'm here. I'm here to weed out the fuckers who think they're going to walk into this fuckin' place and win a belt. I'm here to make sure those generic assholes who keep going on and on about themselves become humble. They can talk a big game, but when it's said and done we're all going to suffer a loss. I've suffered them, and y'know somethin' I learned from them.

The glits and glamor don't mean a fuckin' thing if you don't have new things to accomplish. When I was in NLWF and won the NLWF Championship, I thought I was the best in the world. I beat Nick FUCKIN' Ridicule, the best wrestler in the world; which is a hunk of bullshit because he can't even get over in other companies without doing the same routine. That's right Nick Ridicule is a fuckin' joke.


Go on, go and look at'em now.




That's what that fucker is doin' nowadays. Getting put in his place like the little bitch that he is. Now you boys may think this doesn't have anything to do with you. But the truth is...you need to get a personality. There are fuckers who have ego problems, there are those monotone bastards who copy somethin' from someone else. And then there are you two, a couple of guys who want to make somethin' of themselves, but can't because they don't want to put th'effort into doin' so.

So I ask you--no, I'm begging you BOTH...to give me something worth doin' Sunday night instead of goin' to church. I'm--

I drop down on my knees with the title on the ground in front of me. I stare at the lens with a serious glare....

Connor O’Shannon: I'm on my knees, give me the match of me life boys. I want to sweat, I want to feel tired. I want my chest to feel like another me is goin' to bust out!

I pound on me chest and let out a sigh. Still in my kneeling position I look down at the belt. I slowly pick it up and push it towards the camera.

Connor O’Shannon: If this is what you want...you better have brushed up on your wrestlin'. You better eat your Wheaties and drink your prune juice. I'm going to be throwin' bombs, rockets, and nukes your way boys. So when you stare up at them bright lights....?

I point up at the ceiling of the parking lot.

Connor O’Shannon: You better be sayin' a few prayers...because you ain't gonna be walking out in one piece. I'm lookin' forward to this one boys...LET'S PUT ON A HELL OF A SHOW! BEERS ARE ON ME!

Cameraman: Is that it?

I raise and eyebrow...he was a cheeky bastard wasn't he?

Connor O’Shannon: What th'Hell do you mean is that it?

Cameraman: Are you finished?

Connor O’Shannon: I just poured me heart out and you're wondering if I'm done?! Well ain't that just peachy...?

Cameraman: Sorry.

Connor O’Shannon: Ah, just fuckin’ cut th'thing.

I wave me hand lightly and pick up th’belt. Just another day at the job…time to show people why I’m th’champ for a reason!

Fade. Static. End.