Th'Story I Was Too Drunk T'Tell You

Prologue: Loudmouths Always Need T'Be Shut Up.


Let's get right into it shall we, FIRST let's talk about Team Swag, let's talk about how James Shark a guy who can't even pronounce his verbs and nouns correctly manages to sound like he's the hardest bastard in th'fuckin' IWF. Newflash Sharky, you've had your jaw jacked by me before, you just managed to get up with noddle legs. So before you go flashin' your KO? Know that when y'get in the ring with me ever again, I'll be your token ass down in the ground so far you'll see the Underground Railroad down in Hell where yer fuckin' ancestors are ridin'. SHARK, you of all people should be talkin', in fact stop talkin' in all because you make yourself look like a total asshole. Here's something you better realize Shark and you better realize it now.

No one wants to see a stereotype in th'fuckin' ring. No one cares about your dark ass, and I doubt no one is goin' to like someone who's blood type is Cherry Kool-Aid. That's right Donkey Shark, before you run your mouth, try and make yourself look a lil'plausible, kay lad? Because I REALLY doubt you're going to be taken seriously if all you can do is fuck and talk and throw one fuckin' punch. With that being said, I want t'tell you lads...TEAM Swag...Team Fag...Team Teabag...whatever th'fuck is it I don't care: You want t'be th'ones who want to give IIA a bad name? That's gonna be pretty hard, because since we formed, we ran those fuckin' Brits out, so who’s gonna stop us now?

....

OH THAT’S RIGHT, BRANDON MACDONALD and his sidekick Darky McDunkno. These two...are really somethin’ else ain’t they? It's like watching a scientist to teach a monkey how to count to ten. I mean the team has nothing in common except for the fact that their conceited. How do I know?! They went through the trouble of naming their team after something...BLACK, Brandon's fuckin' Canadian, what does he know about SWAG?! Him plowin' Anna Macdonald doesn't count...sorry B-Mac. BUT you know I respect ya two lads, because you've managed to make th'match with you two against Corey and Vinnie somethin' to behold. We're gonna see Blackzilla, the twelve inch python, a 8th grade dropout, against the first IWF Champion OF Th'World I might add and against Vinnie who might be takin' a step up th'superstar ladder.

But anyways, back t'me match with Sean O'Rourke and I takin' on th'FULL THROTTLE CHAMP HIMSELF, Jason "FUCKIN'" HAWK! (DEAD PEOPLE WRESTLING FTW!!! Sorry couldn't resist Jay.) Th'guy who came in, kicked some ass, and then managed to make an impact in ONE...night. I respect'em, even though he probably thinks I'm a fuckin' loser, and thinks he's the best...and probably thinks I'm the same COS who went to NLWF to get me ass handed to by Red Mohawk.



I think I'm givin'em ammo to use against me. Fuckin' really Connor? Anyway--OH--and he's got a tag team partner named Matthew Young, promisin' lookin' lad I might have t'say. BUT he hasn't proven himself JUST YET! Matt looks like th'type o'boy who just stepped in the ring. But you'd be surprised, because this isn't his first match so t'say. He's been around, he understands the ropes, and y'know somethin'? Anyways, these two are goin' t'be facin' me and Sean here in a lil'tag team match. Last time Sean was on the wrong side of a loss, and I can see he was angry. I get it, he thought he had the match, but there wasn't anything I could do after I TRIED to help him y'know...?

Anyway, this win is somethin' Sean is gonna need, but I don't think Jason is going to be too kind and let me have it now is he? Nah...he's not I can tell already, well...that's about all I can say...uh...oh yeah...WHAT THE FUCK IS A PANCAKE PETE?!

++++++++++

Chapter IV
Hotel Room
Curitiba, Brazil 9:25 a.m.
No Eggs n Bacon...

I was sleeping, trying to work off a hangover from last night with Byron. I had started at Chute Boxe a few months ago, and Byron was th'one who made sure I stood in shape. He told me "If I'm committed as I say I am, I've got to work for my goal." Whatever t'fuck that meant. Basically it meant he could wake me up at anytime in th'fuckin' mornin' so we can get a "heads up" for training. He wanted me to feel like shit when I entered that gym...I knew it.

? ? ?: RISE AND SHINE YA PALE FUCK!

I felt th'sun shine on me face and then peeked to see Jacobs standin' near th'window. He walks over towards me and has a smirk on his face.

Byron Jacobs: SO, are you up?

Connor O'Shannon: No.

Byron Jacobs: It's almost 9:30...we got to move.

Connor O'Shannon: Ten more minutes.

Byron Jacobs: Come on don't be a cunt COS...

There was silence, Byron sighs and grabs me by the and turns it into a kimura. He cranks it lightly, not putting a lot of pressure...but enough t'wake me up completely. I let out a grunt and tap my shoulder.

Connor O'Shannon: Okay, I'm fuckin' up...shit...!

Byron Jacobs: GOOD!

He lets go and gets in my face with a grin.

Byron Jacobs: Now get ready and we'll head over.

Connor O'Shannon: Can we get breakfast first...?

Byron Jacobs: I got it for you.

He reached inside of his dufflebag near th'door and pulls out a bottle full of this pale lookin' liquid. I look at him with a confused look.

Connor O'Shannon: What in St. Peter's name is that...?

Byron Jacobs: Breakfast.

He said it in an optimistic way and tosses it to me.

Byron Jacobs: It's a protein drink, it's got all you need for today, your vitamins, calcium, so drink that and you're set.

Connor O'Shannon: It looks like someone jerked off and shot a pint o'cum in this....

Byron Jacobs: Well I guess you're a cum guzzler today...!

I give him a sarcastic laugh.

Connor O'Shannon: Cute.

Byron Jacobs: Don't be a sore ass, just get a shower, and let's move. We're burnin' time.

Connor O'Shannon: I hear you, I hear you...

I walk towards the bathroom near the exit, Byron leans back on the bed.

Byron Jacobs: Make sure you drink all of that...you're gonna need it!

Connor O'Shannon: Yeah...uh huh.

I closed th'door and pour that shit down th'fuckin' drain. I walked towards the shower and got cleaned, got out, and we headed off to Chute Boxe, where my daily routine began....a shitload of work and Brazilians mocking me. Byron was still there looking at me as I put on me shirt and socks.

Byron Jacobs: We've got a hard day ahead of us, uh...I think Rudimar wants us to work on our Thai boxing? My shins are gonna be sore as fuck after today.

Connor O'Shannon: Well it's better than the BJJ trying I had t'good through, yeah? Rollin' around on those fuckin' mats. And if Rodrigo fuckin' doesn't break his fuckin' submission on me, he's gonna be gettin' a fist in his fuckin' face...

Byron Jacobs: I guess the Brazilians don't like you.

Connor O'Shannon: I can tell...

Byron Jacobs: Hey Connor...?

Connor O'Shannon: Yeah mate...?

Byron Jacobs: Do you ever regret coming here?

Connor O'Shannon: ...No...why?

Byron Jacobs: You don't miss wrestling?

Connor O'Shannon: *sighs*

I sit down and look at him.

Connor O'Shannon: It was great while it lasted, it was great when I got to face some o'th'best competition I could, and y'know what? It was good t'take a break from it, because in all honesty, I don't think I could handle it. So I came here...hopin' to try and start new.

Byron Jacobs: ...I understand....

Connor O'Shannon: For the past few months with me bein' here, I've gotten use to bein' th'new guy. I'm takin' me time, and I'm not rushin' to finish so I can go back home. I'm willin' t'stay and work...with you as my partner, we got this.

Byron nods and smirks.

Byron Jacobs: Good...now get ready, we're going to be feeling like shit tonight.

Connor O'Shannon: Don't I fuckin' know it...

++++++++++

To Team FAG...

I'll give you respect, yeah, you guys managed t'get people to fight your battles. In all honesty, I expected more from you two, because you PRIDE yourselves on being the best. Look at Shark, he's done nothing but run his mouth, about nothing the entire time he was on air. He humped an interviewer, ...WOW just wow, okay let me make this quick. James Shark you are by far th'most ignorant piece o'shit I've ever met. I thought black people were awesome, they had good taste in women, but then I sit and look at your promos and I can't help but feel like I should kill a puppy after watching you act like a total ape.

Here's a newsflash Shark, if people wanted to know what you did during your down time? We'd ask you do tell us, but frankly we don't care enough to even sit through a promo and hear you babble on about who's gay, who has a big cock, and who doesn't get any pussy. You James Fuckin' Shark are nothing but a stereotype, a statistic, someone who can't even talk straight and he won a title. Now I'm Irish, I know I've got me fuckin' screwed up, but at least I can finish me sentence with some intelligence. You're a waste of space, and if I ever found your parents who decided to have your stupid ass, I'd kill them, and then go back to the present just to see you fade away.

Brandon Macdonald, you...YOU...the IWF Champion, th'guy holdin' th'belt decided it was a good idea to step into th'ring with this idiot?! REALLY?! Okay, I'm not gonna toot me own horn, I ain't gonna rub in me win, because you'll counter it with a load of shit, about how I had help, when in all honesty? I pin your shoulders to that fuckin' mat and got th'win. There's a reason I'm ranked number one in IWF, because I don't take shit from anyone and I don't let people push me around. That's why IIA was formed, not because we hate ya B-Mac, not because we like to troll you, it's because we needed a group of people who would fight you and would stand up to you, and wouldn't...wouldn't...bow down t'someone who's only going to use his power for fuckin' nothin'.

Anyway, I wanted you two to know that with you both teaming together tells me what's going to happen in the future for IWF. I might as well wait for someone to get killed in an exploding building why Pancake Pete runs out with a fuckin' cannon shooting pancakes at people and winning titles doin' so So you can have th'team, you can embarrass yourselves and lose to fuckin' Corey and Vinnie, and you can go on and make yourselves even MORE idiotic and allow people to fight for you. Why did I do this? Because it seems others want to help you out, SO I WANT IN ON TH'FIGHT

You two just ordered up an ass kicking with a side of humiliation. I hope you're hungry...

++++++++++

To Latoya "Shark's Rebound Slut" Banks

Who th'fuck are you, and why should I give two shits. OH, OH, I KNOW, you're th'one polishin' Shark's dick AND ego?! Listen, keep your fuckin' head down, suck a few cocks, and swallow a few babies. Get your nose out of men's business and keep your fuckin' head inside of Shark's anus so you can suck out the bullshit that's comin' from both ends. You don't have a place in this match, and I CERTAINLY DON'T THINK your opinion matters...because let's face it, you've got nice tits, and you've got an ass any logical lad would want t'smash to fuckin' death...but you don't belong in the ring.

In fact, you belong on your back so Shark and his "homies" can run train on you. And before Shark gets all bitchy, he better learn his place too. He won his belt and lost it to a dead guy...so...he fails...Me 2 Team Fag 0. And another thing, girls don't have brains...they only have alarm clocks...to tell them when to give us blowjobs and when t'fuckin' make us a sandwich. Cya lovely, tell Shark I said hi.

++++++++++

Jason Hawk (HAI THERE!!!) and Matthew Young

Jason, you came back and I was kind of mindfucked. Because I didn't think you'd come back, and now...here you are...a champion again...and you're doing it in style! I like ya lad, you like tits and championships. JUST LIKE ME! But y'know somethin' there's somethin' we don't have in common...Jason, you don't respect me enough. Last time you talked about me you played me like I was some sort of joke. When I left NLWF? Yeah...y-yeah you remember. Jason, I want you t'know I'm not th'same young fuck who was just startin' out. No Mr. Hawk, I'm Connor O'Shannon, the High Impact Champion, and th'guy who's going to PROVE that I can beat anyone when I put me mind to it.

Jason, I see you as a threat, yes, you're athletic, you're brash, you've got the tools to be the greatest fuckin' champion in IWF history (Besides ME!). See Jason you know this, and you aren't afraid to tell people that you know this...and that's why I like you. You don't hold back...you've uh...you've got HEART so t'say mate, and I respect you for that. BUT Mr. Hawk don't think you can come into that ring and fuck me up so easily. No, no, no, no, NO that's not easy. I've had only one lost, and that's because I took that dark fucker down to the canvas with me...!

No Jason, I'm th'guy who wants a long dragged out fight. I LOVE fighting, I kind of get a boner from doin' it! And Matt Young, th'young lad in this match...sorry you got involved...and I'm sorry you're gonna have to get fucked up. Yes Mr. Young, you're going to get in this match and get sent RIGHT BACK out of that fuckin' door. It ain't that easy mate, and it sure as fuck won't be if you don't pick up your fuckin' game, because we don't play them. Let's be real here...do you really think you got a chance...?

....

Didn't think so...

SO GOOD LUCK TO YOU TWO....well one of ya...

++++++++++

....Shouldn't Have Done It Nick....

So I see you don't get the fact that you begged your way into getting into IWF. That you had to get on your hands and knees and ask for a job here, because NLWF went belly up and you decided that it was a GOOD IDEA, to let everyone see the true you. You're a dog, a fuckin' dog who doesn't deserve to be here, but Chuck and Brandon are forgiving (compassion can have a downside too) and now you want to rant on about how you're going to be the best?! YOU BE THE BEST?! YOU?!?! You gave yourself titles, you didn't win them, you GAVE THEM TO YOURSELF. And you know something I'll be damned if they give you the opportunity to ever get into a fuckin' title shot. Nick Ridicule, you...YOU...are nothing. In fact, your empty threats, the fact that you hd to get involved shows me you're bitter.

Good, I'm fucking glad you are. I'm glad they took everyone from you, I'm glad that you had to go and roam the wrestling world for a few fuckin' months just so you can come back here....and then look like a bigger asshole. Let me tell you something, let me be clear with you about something, no one wants you here. And James Shark? James Shark is a fuckin' sheep who seems to have the same attitude to forget the past. James was the same guy who thought th'guy was a fuckin' joke, and now he's latched onto HIS COCK. Get it straight and let's be real, if you think you're walkin' into this business to win belts. To make your ego grow...? THINK AGAIN!

You're not going to be here for long, and I swear to God, I swear to heavens, that if you ever...in your life talk like you did against Corey or against us again...I will bring down a fury upon you that no one has ever seen. I'm going to boil your fuckin' heart in smoldering lava and then eat it. WAIT THAT'S RIGHT

YOU DON'T HAVE A FUCKIN' HEART!!!

You built something great, two years, you gave those guys hope. Even had the right to say you were th'best, and then you made an ass out of yourself. You betrayed yourself and now you're going to pay, and as God's got me on this planet Earth, I'm going to watch you slowly dissolve into nothing. You are nothing, your career is nothing, your life means nothing. And you want to know what else...?

You can't do a fucking thing about it...Nicky Boy. So wise up, sit back, get a haircut, and shut the fuck up. And if I see you get in someone else's business again, I won't hesitate and make you look like a cunt. Enjoy your stay in IWF....

Stay The Fuck Away From Me.

End.