RP Feedback

Can I get some feedback on my latest tag team RP

someone just someone please give me some feedback on my latest rp

It was good stuff. I like the style of the journal entries explaining what's happened. I like the story itself, though part of me was reminded of something out of Law & Order for some reason. I liked the talking about last week, talking about this week, and talking about the things to come. That's what makes a good promo, to me. It's not about talking about this week's match. It's talking about this week's match, and how it ties in to last week's match, and how those tie in to the match you'll have three weeks from now....even if all three matches are totally and completely meaningless.

In your case, NONE of those matches are meaningless. Each victory gives Phil more momentum going into the PPV, and he's well aware of that fact. You have a good grasp on what each match means for your character. Awesome.

Now? Take it to the next level.

You're writing solid work, for sure, and it's no surprise why you're winning. HOWEVER, there's a reason you're fighting against Sean, and not Remi. There's a reason you're in the midcard, and not the main event. You got the basics down to a science. Awesome. The trick to evolution, and pushing yourself further, is to improve on what you already know.

What would I recommend? I love the journal entry idea. I think you should continue with that. But those could definitely be elaborated. There were a couple entries (I'm specifically thinking the first and third entries). Like, I read those, and I think "Why the fuck did he just give me a paragraph summary of it?" Stuff like that - The intricate details, the dialogue, the emotions present in the scene - that tells us more about the character than a summarized paragraph ever will. Telling us Phil was taken from his mother at a young age, and he cried when it happened...well, alright, that's cool, I guess. Tells us a bit about Phil's backstory. But to put us in that scene, and force us to watch a kid torn from his mother's arms? Now you establish an emotional connection, and make us care what the fuck ever happens to Phil.

It's not really a critique, honestly. Like I said, you do well, and you could very easily continue doing what you're doing, and still succeed in IWF. However, the things that separate you from Remi, or a non-retired CC, or Styg, or even Parker? Those guys establish a connection. They FORCE us to give a fuck. Your story has the potential to be just as good. The trick is to make us care about it.

New RP posted.

Can I get some Feedback please and thank you.

no one likes me.... lol