The John Tolly feedback

Let me have it...good,bad or in between

once again let me know what you think?

I don't think it was bad...but something about it just made it seemed rushed. I can't really put my finger on what it was. The only other issue I had with it is the simplicity of it. Like, it was good to not have totally random bullshit that has nothing to do with anything...but on the flip side of that coin: What did we gain from reading that? We really know nothing new about John, except that his losses are starting to get to him. The problem is that there was no build on that.

A losing streak starting to get inside a guy's head? That's gold. That's a fucking storyline. The issue with the RP is that he made a brief mention.........and that was it. No furthering of the character, no fleeting memories of the glory days...and then it seemed like things were just business as usual. Like, he acknowledges that his losses are getting to him...but does nothing to change that.

Structure-wise? Good RP.
Content-wise? As much as I just tore it to pieces, I don't feel like it was a waste of time to read. I'd read it again. Good.

Development of the character at all? I would improve on that.
There was also no real mention of the match, except the fact that you had one. No real development, and minimal match discussion itself means the RP was kind of lacking in two fundamental aspects of RP's. That might be your problem, man.

once again let it fly! Let me know what you think of this weeks attempt

John I will admit, usally I don't really look forward to reading your Rp's. If I am to be brutally honest, you have some good ideas, but you never give yourself a chance to develop them, cutting them off before anything can happen.

That is why I am very happy with what I read from you this week man. You finally gave yourself a chance to develop things, and the RP as a whole, worked imo. That said, your shoot was a little bit choppy, in that there wasn't really a point you were trying to make. I mean "I am better than you" works to a point, but if you want your shoots to stick, they need to evolve. Come up with points you want to bring up, oppoents downfalls, your advantages etc, and just build on those, extra points if you can find a way to do it creatively.

You CD I thought was fairly solid. It kinda went into John's mindset a bit more, but just like your shoot, flesh it out. Mabye come up with some situations in John's life where his wrestling mindset crosses over, or something like that.

But in general man, this is a huge step in the right direction for you. Keep it up!

Gordo

let me have it!

once again let it rip

Sup pimping.

Well, let's get down to business shall we.

1. I have always like your CD. I think adding the daughter was a really nice touch, because you were able to touch on many aspects of John's life, and of the nature of the 'business,' if you will.

2. You didn't have a whole bunch, but you did a number of spelling and grammatical errors.

3. Well, let's talk about your shoot for a moment. As I always say, it was solid. But, you could add a bit more to it.

-But, I did have a question; what is John's alignment? Is he a face? Is he a heel? Personally, I think I'd be interesting if you wrote for John from a "tweener" point of view. That way, in your shoot, you could be as harsh as you want, but you could also show Tolly's good-hearted nature through CD.

That's just a simple thought I had.

But anyway, keep up the good work.

let me know what you think?