James Betterman [vs.] Shobam Pooni [vs.] Lord Jaguar [vs.] Bobby O'Day

Posts : 30 Join date : 2013-06-17

Superman Is Not Really The Betterman Because He Couldn't Save Bobby from That There Jaguar

Guest

*playing the video while you read this will enhance the experience...

The scene opens up on a giant Nazi flag draped over a wall. Lord Jaguar goose steps into the shot dressed in full Nazi regalia. When he turns to face the camera we see that he has placed a Hitler mustache on his mask. Lord Jaguar sieg heils the camera before he starts talking.

Lord Jaguar: Achtung! Listen up and pay close attention. My name is Lord Jaguar and I didn't come to the IWF to face off against a bunch of little yellow bus riding sons of bitches! Now, your probably thinking I look ridiculous...right? Well this whole match is completely fucking ridiculous!

Lord Jaguar rips off his shirt and tears the Hitler mustache off his face. He then turns a pulls the Nazi flag off the wall.

Lord Jaguar James Betterman...a boy whose hormones are running wilder than the zebra in Africa. James, do you think air humping some skank called Ms. Melons is going to help you do anything other than catch the clap? You're thirty one fucking years old man, grow up an act like a real man, not some reject from a porno shoot. I have heard you claim that your fighting style is whatever your opponent uses...only better. Well, let me correct you on a few things James. First off, no...no one to ever live or who will ever live is as good as I am in that ring. Secondly, there isn't a sing person who can do the things I can. Whether it is straight up brawling, technical wrestling, or insane death match tactics there isn't anyone who can stack up to me. That isn't a boast James, it's a fucking fact. The last thing you need to know James, is that little Super Kick you like to nail opponents with, I've seen better. If you don't believe me then go watch a Zeven Zion match and then afterward go ask him what happened when he tried to use it on me. For those of you out there wondering, I evaded it and kicked his fucking teeth down his throat!

Lord Jaguar balls his fist up and shakes his head a bit.

Lord Jaguar Bobby O'Day that brings us to you. You claim to be six foot five but I highly doubt they could stack that much crap in such a small pile. After all, you are two hundred forty five pounds of highly concentrated suck ass. Now, because I know you're too stupid to realize I am trash talking you, let me say it in a way you can understand. You remind me of ghey! L. o. l. J. k. Huh ha. Hell, the fucking Broom has more brains than you and he is a fucking broom. Speaking of which, Fat Lenny if the Broom beats you then just do us all a favor and end your wrestling career. Don't make an announcement, don't cry on TV like a little bitch, just walk out of the arena and never come back. Where was I? Oh yeah, Bobby. Now then, I would say your a nutless piece of crap, but from your press photo is appears you're smuggling a couple of grapefruits. No homo, but you really need to see a doctor for that. Testicular cancer is a serious issue and I urge you and everyone listening to check your balls for lumps. I know us men tend to shy away from such conversations, but the alternative is having your balls swell up and hurt worse than watching a best of Gordon Fury DVD. I digress, Bobby you still with me? Good. I know you claim to have gotten your training from all the fights you had with your sisters boyfriends, and I realize that it was a lot of fighting considering how loose your sisters are. I mean, they make Jenna Jameson look like a nun for fucks sake. However, beating up local johns at the brothel that was your parents house is nothing like fighting in the squared circle. You know that don't you Bobby, after all your first attempt at being a wrestler went down faster than your sisters on nickel night. This is my world Bobby and you're not even a blip on my radar.

Lord Jaguar looks up as if he is asking God to take him.

Lord Jaguar That just leaves you Shobam Pooni. The wannabe Superman from Dirka Dirkastan. Their is a reason you are part of the IWF, you see the bosses wanted the tax deduction for hiring a legitimate retard. Yeah, I said the R word. I know it isn't P.C. to say it, but we need to differentiate between morons like Bobby and honest to God retards like you. You are a disgrace to this sport, to men everywhere, and to mankind in general. The fact that you survived several abortion attempts makes you a scientific oddity, but it doesn't give you the right to compete in that sacred ring. Now, I have wasted enough words on you, so let me just say that when I pile up all three of you to make the pin in our match, you will be on the bottom in the hopes you suffocate and put the fans out of your misery.

Lord Jaguar cracks his knuckles and smiles, although you can't see it do the mask.

Lord Jaguar IWF fans, I know that I am your future hero and I know that what I said sounded pretty harsh, but let me assure you it was completely necessary. If I don't let these idiots know exactly what you all think of them, they will continue to compete under the false notion that you want to see them wrestle. Had I been given better opponents for my debut match I would have surely complimented them on their achievements and wished them good luck. I would have compared their skills to my own and despite finding them wanting, I would have acknowledged their right to be in the IWF. These three, they deserve the sweet embrace of a quick death. Now, I know each one will probably stumble out in front of a camera and attempt to smear me or put themselves over. Let me save you all the trouble of having to sit through their garbage. They all suck. I am miles ahead of them in talent, skill, and intellect. They have no chance to defeat me now or when I am dead and buried. All three are waste of space and any opinions to the contrary are wrong. I am Lord Jaguar and I am better than them and everyone else in the world of wrestling. I don't boast, I don't have to. Facts are facts. My skill, ability, talent, and match history speak for themselves. Like it or not, I stand atop the mountain and everyone else is just starting to climb up!

Posts : 21 Join date : 2013-07-03

Scene One-Prolog

Incase you missed it The former Messiah has gone a complete make over and became this.

Scene opens in bed James is laying there next to him is the lovely Ms Melons. James lays there just watching her huge lucious breast move up and down as she breaths. James feels like his old self. This is a new day in his career in IWF no longer held back by the restraints of the name Messiah. Now he can show IWF who he is and what he is capable of. He now plays by his own rules and if there are people who don't like it they can go suck a dick. James lighty smacks the curvacious ass of Ms Melons waking her. He tells her to head into the shower as today they Debut as how the should of from the start. She gets up naked as can be her body just screaming SEX SEX SEX with every step she takes towards the bathroom. James will is to weak he gives in he can not resist her wicked ways. James follows her into the Shower and the two proceed to get very dirty and clean at the same time. After a steamy shower the two do what the hate the most get dressed. If it was up to them they would be naked 24/7 and stay in bed fucking like rabbits. The two leave there hotel room and head downstairs where a limo is waiting. The two get in and are driven to the arena. They are planned to shoot a promo introducing themselves well at least the real them. They arrive to the arena they get out and the two are hounded by reporters as everyone thought they were to be dead at least thats what NLWF claims. James and Melons answer no questions and just enter the arena. The two are giving a micraphone and the filming of the promo starts.

James-Aww Yes thats much better. Ok first of all nobody knew really? All I did was shave my beard and cut my hair and Melons only put on a pair of glasses. Is this all it took and a name change to fool everyone? Wow everyone IQ must be at Tard level if this was all it took. Ok for those who don't know who I am let me say. WHAT FUCKING ROCK HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER? Cause I am a pretty big fucking deal. I steal the show every match. Win or Lose my opponent gets just a little better just being in my presence. That is how damn good I am. If thats not enough well how about the number 52? You see that number is how many damn titles I won in my career. Name one person who even comes close?

Jame cups his hand to his ear. Waiting like someone will give him a actual response.

James-No answers huh. Thought SO!!!!!!!!! See nobody can compare or even come close cause when all is said and done I am Simply Better. There are those who have nicknames like Best in the World,God's Gift,Talent on lone from God. Well I put them all to shame cause I am Better then the best in the World,I am fucking God so your welcome for your gift, and I am now revoking that lone pay me back BITCH!!!!!!! So to all the talent here in IWF or the World for that matter. Your all on notice you got two options when it comes to me. Lay Down or get fucking Knocked Down. Those are your only two options. So I wait here waiting for word on who's First. The card for Battleground not announced yet so I wait and when I am giving word I will verbally ass rape who ever is put up against me. Cause not only am I the best in the ring I am pretty damn sick and very damn talented in talking the talk as well. Granted as Messiah I didn't do the best at that but Hell you try using a gimmick that has no fucking legs to it from the get go. Lets see how well you would do.

So James waits as Melon keeps looking down at her Cell Phone waiting for the call and the reveal as who will be the first to get outclassed.

James-No Calls I am not one who likes to wait. So this promo will be just about everyone. Battleground,Underground,Above Ground,Gaining Ground what ever fucking ground. The day you see your name against mine in a match be fucking afraid. Cause fun and games are over children. Time for shit to get real. So for all those in IWF land your fucking worst nightmare has woke up and he is very grumpy.

James walks away waiting for the shit storm he has sure to have stirred up.

Yes James Betterman was born. Now with his first match set he seems very excited to get to work and do what he does best. That leads us to this.

Scene Two-Shoot

Scene opens with James&Ms Melons discussing the upcoming Underground event.

James-So this is how I am going to start here in IWF a place dubbed the Underground. Now most would be offended to be put in a place for rookies and people just trying to reinvent themselves. But not me I enjoy being able to face the new crop of future superstars. I get to test myself against to future. I like that I like that alot. You have myself and three up incomers competing in a fatal fourway match.

James stops to think about how he will go about his strategys in a match like this. As he lets Ms Melons say a few words.

Melons-You are making it sound like a cake walk honey. But a match like this could be very dangerous. You have three other opponents all wanting to make a statement and get a win as much as you do.

James nods in agreement.

James- I know but thats what makes it exciting. But you know me babe. As good as these three might or might not be there in no way Better then me. I will prove that when I go out there and proceed to show the entire World just how damn good I am. This match at Underground is not just me rebirth but it is ohh so much more. Its the beginning of something special. It will be a night people years from now will still discuss. Baby you have the names written down. Shoot them off and I shall discuss each of them.

Ms Melons reaches into her purse she pulls her Ipad and looks up who in the match.

Melons-First name is Lord Jaguar.

James is speechless for a moment before bursting into laughter

James-Wow one of my opponents is a video game system by Atari. A very bad Atari video game system hahah. Maybe I'll do the Contra Code and 99 life his ass hahahaha.

Melons shakes her head and whispers in to James ear.

James-WHAT!!!!!!!! He a fucking Nazi. Are you serious?

Ms Melons plays Jaguars promo for James on her Ipad. After watching the promo James is confused.

James-So he not a Nazi? He was just playing one? Ohh My head I am so confused but anyway onto what this turd stain said about me in his promo. Wow Boy is sure full of himself. Lets get some facts down. First off My girlfriend is not a Skank. For you saying that you just signed your own death warrant you dumbass. Second you think you are better then me? HAHAHA Bitch I AM A MOTHER FUCKING GOD IN THIS RING. When I am done kicking your ass you will fucking bow down and pray to me. Now lastly your no fucking hero and you have no future. Facts are Facts and the fact is you going to get your ass handed to you by ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now Ms Melons who next on this list of jack offs I am facing. To think I was singing there praises earlier trying to be nice. Then this jack off went and pissed me off. Fucking douchebag.

Melons-Next name in the match is Bobby O'Day.

James-Sounds Irish. TO MANY LIME TO MANY LIME OHHHHHHHH OHHHHH OHHHHHHHH.

Ms Melons giggles at James singing.

James-Has he done a promo by any chance?

Ms Melons shakes her head no.

James-So I got nothing to work on hmmmmm. Ok Bobby let me tell you something Fella! I am going to go Highlander on your ass Superkick you head off get all your power then Queen will start playing WE ARE THE PRINCES OF THE UNVIVERSE. HAHA But in all Seriousness your going to lose to ME.Now who the last jabroni?

Ms Melons looks down on her Ipad.

Melons-Shobam Pooni.

James looks at Melons.

James-Bless you.

Melons-I wasn't sneezing thats the persons name.

James looks at Ms Melons and just shakes his head.

James-What the HELL. How am I to respond or promo on someone with a name like that. JEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZUSSSSSSSSSSSS yeah I just Zandig there. Uhhh Really I don't know how to respond to a guy who sounds like he belongs in a German Shit Porn. Yeah I am just going to end this here.

James and Melons walk off as the scene comes to a end.

Posts : 20 Join date : 2013-07-03

July 1st.
London, England
HGR Headquarters.

I adjust the HGR title on my shoulder as the secretary presses the button on the intercom.

Secretary.
Mr. Hawk? There is a Mr. O'Day here to see you.

She says into the intercom.

Jason Hawk.
Fuck! I am not ready yet! Stall him!

I can hear him reply through the intercom. What is that butthead doing?

Secretary.
Mr. Hawk, what are you doing?

Jason Hawk.
Just stall him! Tell him I am not in right now or something!

Secretary.
But he can hear you through the intercom.

Jason Hawk.
You are a smart girl. Think of something! WHERE IS THAT FUCKING CAT??!?!?!

There is a long silence.

Secretary.
Mr. Hawk?

Jason Hawk.
What?

Secretary.
Did you take your medication today?

For a good while Jason doesn't respond.

Jason Hawk.
…....yes

Secretary.
Mr. Hawk, you know that you are required to take your medication when you are at work.

Jason Hawk.
…...I am the boss here, you can't tell me what to do

I've had enough of this. I am going in. I don't want to wait for this Butthead anymore. I walk past the secretary, who is so focused on conversation, that she doesn't notice me. They probably bang. That's why she doesn't notice me. I can see why. I would make her my sexcretary too if I was the boss here. I open the door. Inside Jason is pacing around the room looking for something. I can only assume that it is the cat. A couple of things are already stacked on his desk. A bottle of whiskey, some ketchup, a pencil, a card house, and little trophy. Jason himself is wearing a long black leather coat and a pair of sunglasses. I never understood that stupid Butthead's ideas.

Bobby O'Day.
Hey Butthead!!

Jason loses him balance on the chair he is standing on and falls on his ass.

Jason Hawk.
Ouch!

Bobby O'Day.
You wanted to see me?

Jason stands up and walks towards his desk.

Jason Hawk.
Yes I did! I have some interesting news for you!

Bobby O'Day.
Alright, what's up?

Jason sits down behind his desk and motions towards the couch on the side. I take a seat.

Jason Hawk.
So it is not secret that these European guys all suck at wrestling.

Bobby O'Day.
Aw yeah! I have been powering through all of them since I debuted!

Jason Hawk.
Exactly my point!

I nod and smile ….wait did he just insult me? ...that butthead.

Jason Hawk.
So I realized, I can't have you hanging around here.

Jason takes off the sunglasses.

Jason Hawk.
That's why I have to do this.

Jason puts the sunglasses back on.

Jason Hawk.
You are fired.

What?!

Bobby O'Day.
You Butthead!!!!

I leap from the couch and throw myself at Jason. He manages to slip away just at the last second. He jumps over the table. I look up to see that he is flipping me off. I forgot how fast he was.

Jason Hawk.
Just like in the old days, you still can't catch me.

Bobby O'Day.
Shut up Butthead!

Jason grins. Seriously though, I used to always catch and beat him.

Jason Hawk.
And you even still say Butthead! Nothing has changed I see.

Bobby O'Day.
The flipping off is new though. You used to just stick out your tongue.

Jason Hawk.
I grew up.

I laughed, even though I still wanted to punch that Butthead's face in.

Bobby O'Day.
I am taking this belt with me, if I have to go!

Jason Hawk.
Pfft.. whatevs.. Doesn't matter, I'll just buy a new one! But anyways, back to the subject at hand. You and I go way back. So I am not just fucking you over. I still have contacts in the US wrestling scene. So I hooked you up with a contract. An IWF contract. You deserved it, buddy!

Woooooooooooooow!!! I jumped up onto the table and start to dance around.

Bobby O'Day.
This is the best thing ever! Fuck this title!

I threw the HGR title at Jason.

Bobby O'Day.
I am going to be a world famous star!

I jump off the table and scream into Jason's face.

Bobby O'Day.
Screw you and your little piece of shit company, Butthead!!! And this is for firing me!!

I punch Jason in the face. He collapse the the floor and his sunglasses break into a thousand pieces.

Bobby O'Day.
And those sunglasses make you look like a Butthead, Butthead!

I then walk out of the office and leave, after I have gotten the secretary's number, of course.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

July 4th
Boston, Massachusetts
IWF Headquarters

So as I was driving I was not really sure where the IWF headquarters were. I soon found it though. It was the skyscraper with a big golden statue of Corey Casey outside of it. It must have been, I thought to myself because not even Boston loves Corey enough to raise a statue of him. What a Butthead. I enter and the place is massive! There are people running around everywhere. So many people that no one notices that I have arrived. What is up with that? I’ll quickly change that. Rule number 1 of being famous. Always make a grand entrance.

Bobby O’Day.
HEEEEY BUTTHEADS!! BOBBY O’DAY HAS ARRIVED!!!

People stop and look at me. Just for a little while then they continue one with whatever they were doing. Where was the applause? What is wrong with these people? When I become IWF champion I am going to fire them all! I walk through the room until I walk into someone.

Bobby O’Day.
IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO PUSH ME UP AGAINST A WALL AND FULLFIL ALL MY FANTASIES YOU BETTER MOVE OUT OF THE WAY WHEN I AM WALKING!!!!!

Again people stop to look at me. Yeah, they better recognize!

Miss Breia.
Fuck me, that was loud! I thought it was a 7 year old girl screaming!

Bobby O’Day
I do NOT scream like a little girl…

Miss Breia.
Bobby O’Day, I assume?

Assume? Does she not recognize me at first sight? If she wasn’t so hot I would not forgive her. I nod.

Miss Breia.
Good, follow me.

She walks off and I follow her. Just enjoying the view from behind! We enter into an office and she sits down behind her desk. The two of us alone, in an office. I like where this is going.

Miss Breia.
So Bobby..

Bobby O’Day.
Wait, hold up. It is pretty hot in here. I need to cool off.

I start to take off my shirt.

Miss Breia.
Please do not take off your shirt.

I take off my shirt and start flexing. There is no way she will be able to resist the O’Day Factor.

Miss Breia.
Will you please put your shirt back on?

What? No response? She must be a lesbian or something.. damn.. Wasted my moves on a lesbian… No wait! She was in the newspaper with Alex Dillinger the other day! What kind of sorcery is this?!?

Bobby O’Day.
But it is so hot in he…

Miss Breia.
If you do not put your shirt back on I am tearing this contract apart!

I put my shirt back on.

Bobby O’Day
Fine..

She takes a seat behind her desk looks at me.

Miss Breia.
We have written up a contract for you and all that is left to do is for you to sign it and you are a officially an IWF wrestler. Take a look at it and let me know what you think.

She slides the contract across the desk. I look at it. Pretend to read it. I don’t really understand what it says. It doesn’t matter. I am still going to ask for big money and lots of goods!

Bobby O’Day.
So here is what I am thinking. Let’s an extra 0 or two that salary and we got ourselves a deal.

Miss Breia.
No.

Bobby O’Day.
Give me my own private masseuse!

Miss Breia.
No.

Bobby O’Day.
A spanking new Ferarri!

Miss Breia.
No.

Bobby O’Day.
Give me..

Miss Breia.
Just sign the contract. We both know you are not going to get any of those things, and we both know that you are going to sign this contract anyways.

Cutting me off! So rude! Fine then.. I’ll sign. I take the pen and sign the dotted line.

Bobby O’Day.
…Butthead

Miss Breia.
I am going to ignore that and let me be the first to welcome you to the IWF family!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The O’Day Factor is in the house!

I am here and somebody better stop me before I get on a roll. Because when I get on that roll there will be no stopping the force of Bobby O’Day. It will only be a matter of time before I kick IWF square in the nuts and force it to bow down to me as I am crowned king of the entire IWF!

But first, I must sweep aside three buttheads that are so unlucky to have been put in the ring with me for my debut. What do Lord Jaguar, James Betterman and Pooni Shobam all have in common?

They are all Buttheads!

Like really. Do they even think they have a realistic chance to beat me? I’ll just steamroll straight through them and they will be forgotten about. I’ll do it in such an impressive fashion that it will be the only thing people will remember from Underground after this week! People will talk about Underground and Bobby O’Day will be on everyone’s lips and the question won’t be if Bobby will be IWF champion. The question will be when Bobby becomes IWF champion! That is how good Bobby is!

Bobby does it better than Betterman!

Everything you can do I can do better than you, and I’ll do it with a smile. A smile so attractive that your girl will be all over me! But don’t worry! You can keep her. She scares me. Those spikes in her mouth? Yikes.. That’s some scary shit right there! She makes you look her bitch by just standing there. Bobby wants none of that!

But hey! You used to look like a scary Butthead yourself! And that scary Butthead did nothing but lose! Remind me again, how that is suppose to change now just because you changed your look a little bit? You are still the same guy, still the same shitty wrestler, still the same guy who got eliminated from the Path to Valhalla match in record time! I highly doubt that you have improved in any way at all in a week. But I would love to see you try and prove me wrong.

Because it is going to be hilarious to see you fail and lose another match!

Everyone knows that you were that Messiah guy. It is just that no one cares. You sucked as Messiah, you suck as Betterman. New look, new name, same old shit. And you wanna know something? You can take those 52 titles and shove them up your ass. Because just the fact that you won them makes them completely worthless. Just how shitty has those federations been? You are on the biggest losing streak IWF has ever seen. Do you think anyone cares about 52 titles that you won? The fact that you won them says more about the prestige of those title than it says about how good you are for winning them.

Oh yeah! One last thing! There is a very simple reason why no one called Ms. Melons.

No one was watching your little promo.

Can we all just agree on this right away? No matter how much James Betterman sucks, he is still better than Lord Jaguar? Ok? Are we all in an agreement here?

Not only does he suck. He is also a Butthead and no one likes him. I am going to make sure he never mentions the name O’Day again. Just a mention of it is going to make him shit his pants. The name will haunt him and traumatize him. Why am I going to do this? Why am I going to destroy him so badly? Because no one, and I mean no one, talks like that about my sisters!

Not that he is any danger to them at all. I don’t doubt for a second that any of them could step in the ring with him and destroy him without breaking a sweat. They could perhaps do it even faster than me. But the thing is that they shouldn’t be associated with such a lowlife in any way at all. I will not let any of them lay a hand on such a filthy dog as yourself. Because nothing means more to me than my sisters’ safety. So yeah, I did at one point up beat up every single boyfriend each of them has had.

Chuck Matthews, kicked his ass. Brenton Cyrus, kicked his ass. Jason Hawk, kicked his ass, multiple times!

Those Local Johns as you call them are all multiple time former world champions. Such big names that they have never even heard of you.

Speaking of which, how do you know about any of that? It happened years ago, it has never been caught on camera. Have you been creeping around in the bushes? Have you been following me around for years? What kind of creepy stalker are you? Are you some Butthead I used to know under that mask?

Explain yourself!

You know what I am going to do? I am going to climb that mountain of yours and I am going to kick straight off it and I am going to point and laugh as you are falling all the way back down to the bottom. By doing so I am going to take your facts and throw straight out the window. Because the facts are false. They are useless. It is best if the world just forgets about them straight away.

And maybe, just for fun. I am going to rip of your mask and piss on it. Why? Because it is worthless and ugly and looks stupid. No one wears masks anymore. Get with the time. It doesn’t make you mysterious in any way. It just makes you look stupid.

You are probably just hiding an ugly face under that mask. So maybe it is best for everyone if I just let you keep it on. We don’t want any of your ugliness here.

You know what Jaguar. You made the biggest mistake of your life when you decided to mention my sisters. The nazi thing was a bad decision but it doesn’t even come to close to the decision you made about mentioning my sisters. I don’t actually care about the other two in this match. I all I know is that I want to completely destroy you. You will have problems walking for weeks after our match and remember you have only yourself to thank for that. You brought this upon yourself and now it is time to face the consequences.

Oh yeah! Almost forgot about Shobam!

You are a Butthead.

That is all.

Guest

Chicago, Illinois

The scene opens up in a small diner. The place is about half full with local workers on their lunch break. In the far back booth sits Lord Jaguar. Piled in front of him are several empty plates, still sticky with maple syrup. As Lord Jaguar gulps down a tall glass of chocolate milk the camera swings over so we are now looking at him face on. We can see he is wearing a black shirt but that is all we know for certain.

Lord Jaguar: I see you IWF cameras will go anywhere to a few words with the pinnacle of wrestling perfection. From my sources it seems like both James Betterman and Bobby O' Day had a few choice words for me. Well, none of them were of any relevance or profound meaning. So please forgive me if I don't waste my time responding to each and every frivolous comment made by those two.

A waitress comes into the shot and places a plate with a stack of pancakes on it in front of Lord Jaguar. She then takes away some of the empty dishes. Lord Jaguar pours syrup on his food before he begins to speak again.

Lord Jaguar: James, if I remember correctly you brag about winning fifty two titles in your career. Wow, that is a pretty impressive number James. It would be even more impressive if you were putting fifty two titles on the line in out match, but you're not are you? You James, you didn't just win fifty two titles, you also lost fifty two titles. You got your grubby little hands on glory fifty two different times and what did you do? You choked, you had an off day, you lost! You see myself, I have only one title that matters to me. I am the Uncrowned King of Wrestling and each and every time I go out there I not only live up to the title, but I take it back with me. I do admit that fifty two is a pretty big number though and I must wonder how often you earned those titles in the ring and how often you earned them...on your knees? I digress, because we have another issue we must address. Lord Jaguar was not a video game system for Atari. That was called the Jaguar, no Lord in its name. Now had you been a man who could turn on a computer and do a little googling, then surely you would have seen that Lord Jaguar was a minor character from Dragon Ball Z. In which case you could have made a few remarks about me being a minor character there and an even smaller one in the IWF. Perhaps you could have told me that I was one kamahameha away from defeat or some other juvenile thing. You seem to be good at saying juvenile remarks that only a ten year old would find amusing or the least bit entertaining. Now if you would excuse me for one moment...

Lord Jaguar stabs the stack of pancakes with his fork then lifts them up. He begins to eat the pancakes hastily which causes his mask to be covered with syrup. Lord Jaguar wipes his face with a napkin but bits of it stick to his sticky mask.

Lord Jaguar: Where was I? Oh yes, that skank Ms. Melons. Oh wait, you said she wasn't a skank and by caller her that I...signed my own death warrant. Well James, you are partially right. Ms. Melons is not a skank, no after seeing the O' Day sisters in action I realize they are skanks. Ms. Melons is just your average run of the mill ho! My apologies for getting her whore classification wrong the first time. Now before I finish up with you James let me address one more thing. Some fans on the internet have wondered how I knew about your entrance and various other things James, well the truth is...I'm a psychic! Oooh ooh. Naw, I'm just kidding. You see James, Bobby, Shobam, and anyone who I may one day have to verbally obliterate...I do research. I watch old tapes of matches, I find clips of interviews, I read promo transcripts. I find out everything I can about my opposition, because I'm not here to compete boys, I am here to win!

Lord Jaguar calls the waitress over as he leans back patting his belly.

Lord Jaguar: Another milk please...thanks. Ahem, Bobby O' Day. Have you ever heard of the internet? It contains information on damn near everything. You, as a model and brother to the premier wrestling whores of the decade, have many things written about you on the internet. That is how I know you smacked around the dudes lining up to have a go at your sisters. You see, your neighbors, classmates, and dudes who received herpes from your family posted a lot of interesting things, only some of which I repeated last time I was in front of the camera. Speaking of being in front of the camera, Bobby there was no need to see you waiting around as Mr. Hawk and his secretary banter back and forth. Editing Bobby, it is your friend. Speaking of friends, next time you hop on the little yellow bus tell Shobam to go ahead and say a few words to the camera. After all, he couldn't be that much dumber than you right? Right? I hope...

A glass of milk is placed on the table and Lord Jaguar looks up to see it is not the waitress, but his manager and friend Jesse Sanchez.

Jesse Sanchez: Still putting the food away like a champ I see.

Lord Jaguar: All you can eat means all you can eat Jesse, you know that. So, what brings you by?

Jesse Sanchez: The internet is buzzing with pics of you in a Nazi outfit. Did you really come out dressed like that or is this some kind of joke?

Lord Jaguar: Yeah...I thought it would be a good way to show how ridiculous this entire match is and I guess I didn't get the point across right. At least my name is all over the net again.

Jesse Sanchez: You've only taken over the Lord Jaguar mask and legacy for less than a month and already you got people thinking you're everything from a crazy Nazi to a weird Japanese freak! If "he" wasn't cremated he would be rolling in his grave! Not to mention what "his" students would if they thought you were tarnishing "his" legacy. And don't get me started about what might happen if the Kid finds out about you.

Lord Jaguar: Jesse...you worry too much man. Look, after I beat these three loser and prove to the IWF I deserve to be on the main roster and not some crappy feeder league show then I will have proved that I deserve this mask and no one will be able to take it from me. Now relax, have a pancake...

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