Lord Jaguar [vs.] Fat Lenny

Subject: Lord Jaguar [vs.] Fat Lenny Fri Jul 12, 2013 11:20 pm

500 words minimum - 5000 words maximum
RP HERE

Guest

The scene opens up inside a gymnasium. The training equipment that is normally in use sits in silence. Despite being the busiest time of day for this particular gym, it is completely devoid of life. Lord Jaguar then walks out dressed in a pink track suit. His white mask stands out against the girly colored ensemble. He walks in close on the camera and begins to speak.

Lord Jaguar: Welcome to one of the world famous Gold's Gyms. This particular one is in my hometown of Chicago. Now, on a normal day it would be packed with all kind of fitness nuts, a few wrestling wannabes, a boxer or two, and Old Man Jerry. Truth be told, Jerry is like fortyy or so, but they call him that because he been coming here since he was ten. He's older than most of this equipment, but then again they did just replace everything like a month ago. I digress.

Now before I get to my next opponent I need to deal with a few unresolved issues from this past Underground Show. Shobam, you little snot nosed bitch, your complete lack of wrestling ability cost me a win on my debut. I mean, you could have at least tried to kick out. Hell, it wasn't like Bobby was even putting that much pressure down on you. Speaking of Bobby O' mother fucking Day, let me just say I owe you one. You stole a win from me and I don't let things like that blow over. Now, I know you are in this Tournament to Crown a Underground Champion just like I am, so I pray to all that is holy that you somehow manage to make it to the finals. I would just about cream myself if when I reach the finals you are my opponent, because then I could destroy you one on one and prove how much your win over me was a fluke. Now, those who know me know I give credit where it is due, but you deserve no credit Bobby. In fact, now that I think about it...you didn't even pin Shobam did you? No, I bet your dumbass tripped over those paddles you call feet and fell on that skinny little bitch. You were just too stupid to realize you fell, so you didn't get up. I would have stopped the pin but I had a cramp in my leg. I really need to do more warming up before a match.

Now, I'm saying that so I can say this...Bobby O' Day didn't beat me...I beat myself! You hear me...I BEAT MYSELF! I beat...oh crap! You didn't hear that. You can edit that out right? No? This is airing live...and I'm eating up precious time by repeating everything you are whispering to me. I should stop doing it already? Whoah...I was mesmerized for a second there. You should see this IWF camera tech. If I didn't have a girlfriend...Uh...I love my lady Ms. Mari very much. Damn, she's going to kick my ass later...

Lord Jaguar puts his head in his right hand. The camera zooms in on what would be a dramatic scene if not for his mask blocking all signs of emotion. Lord Jaguar looks up and remembers what he was doing. He brushes himself off and begins to speak again.

Lord Jaguar: Back to you Fat Lenny...or not because I just mentioned you for the first time right now. Either way, I know very little about you except these four very important things...One, your name is Lenny. Two, you are fat. Three, you will be defeated by me at the next Underground Show. And four, your name is Lenny! Shit, I already said that didn't I? Ok, I know three things about you. However, I have prepared myself both mentally and physically. In order to understand just what it is like to be a fatty I have put myself on a strict diet of Hot Pockets and Cheese Doodles. Well, not that strict. I still allow myself the occasional twizzler and mayo. What? That shit is good. Oh yeah, you can't see him. The cameraman just made a eew face. Now then prove that I can handle any fat ass...I have hired current Yokozuna and my good friend Harumafuji Kōhei to demonstrate my strength. Pay attention Fat Lenny because this is what will happen during our match...

Lord Jaguar walks over to the ring and steps inside. He then calls out to Harumafuji Kōhei, who comes out in full sumo gear. Harumafuji gets into the ring and shakes Lord Jaguars hand. Lord Jaguar then looks at the camera.

Lord Jaguar: I will now lie on my back and allow Harumafuji to pin me. Before a three count I will toss him off dramatically and call for a towel. Let us begin. Be sure to bring that camera in nice and close. This is going to be awesome.

Lord Jaguar lays down and waves Harumafuji on. The sumo lowers himself on top of Lord Jaguar and immedietlly we see Lord Jaguar's eyes bug out. After just two seconds Lord Jaguar's arms are flailing wildly. After about ten seconds Lord Jaguar goes lifless. Harumafuji scratches his head and continues to lay on top of Lord Jaguar. After thirty agonizing seconds Harumafuji gets up and looks at the cameraman. He shrugs his massive shoulders and looks at the out cold Lord Jaguar.

Harumafuji Kōhei: Do I still get paid?

The scene fades out with Lord Jaguar still laying lifless on the ring mat.

Subject: Re: Lord Jaguar [vs.] Fat Lenny Thu Jul 18, 2013 1:06 am

Unknown Town
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
5:00 PM
Abandoned Bakery

IWF.com has sent a single cameraman to locate Fat Lenny. Using hand written directions, he pulls his car into a parking lot of a creepy abandoned bakery. Nervously, the cameraman gets out of his car and walks in front of the building.

Lord Jaguar [vs.] Fat Lenny 611f.267124221_large

Lord Jaguar [vs.] Fat Lenny 611f.267124221_large

Suddenly, a man taps him on his shoulder.

Lord Jaguar [vs.] Fat Lenny Cap030

Creepy Baker:

Come with me. Don't stray.

The cameraman, now scared shitless, follows the strange looking pastry chef into the building. Ignoring the man's warning, he opens up a door.

Lord Jaguar [vs.] Fat Lenny Scary-mother

Lord Jaguar [vs.] Fat Lenny Scary-mother

A crazed woman holding baking utensils is standing there.

Angry Baker Woman:

GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!

She swings the rolling pin at the cameraman but before she could hit him with it, the creeper baker shuts the door.

Creepy Baker:

I told you NOT to stray. There....go in...he's expecting you.

He points to a closed door at the end of a long hallway. There is one faded light-bulb hanging from the ceiling. Slowly and carefully, the cameraman walks along the hallway and up to the door. He opens it slowly. There is a long trail of powdered sugar on the floor and chocolate on the walls. He walks in and turns around to see Fat Lenny standing there wearing his ring gear.

Lord Jaguar [vs.] Fat Lenny Tumblr_m7fmofAPWJ1qizm8ro1_400

Lord Jaguar [vs.] Fat Lenny Tumblr_m7fmofAPWJ1qizm8ro1_400

Fat Lenny:

I've been expecting you. Thank you for coming to my “happy place”. You see, a man who smells like me, with my eating habits, and overall disgusting personality has a hard time being around other people. In fact, the more I'm around other people, the hungrier I get. And the hungrier I get, the more I want to eat. And the more I want to eat, the more I want to eat...other people. So to keep myself from eating people, I come here, and eat cake and cookies and pie. I have my own staff of chefs and bakers and they feed me whenever I want them to. I don't have money to pay them, they just know that if they don't cook for me, I'll eat them.

And that's why I lost to The Broom last week. I'm a human man. I am not a beaver. I cannot eat a wooden broom. It threw off my entire game. I got to the building and saw I was booked with something that's impossible for me to eat and digest. And the wrestling skills, the in-ring knowledge of this common house-hold cleaning product...it was something no man can prepare for. He swept me off my feet and if the Underground Roster isn't careful, he's going to be Champion soon.

But I'm going to move on from this injustice and focus on my match this week with Lord Jaguar. Mmm, I've never eaten a cat before. He has a big mouth for having such a pussy name. Get it? Pussy name? Jaguar? Nevermind. It's not important. I haven't eaten in 5 minutes and my mind is starting to get nutty. Mmmmm...nuts.....

FUCK! Forget that. Lord Jaguar, you claim I only eat cheetos and hot pockets. This is wrong. I eat anything I want. And if you don't watch your ass at Underground this week, I'll eat your entire future in this business.

I mean, is there is bigger asshole in wrestling right now. You came out last week dressed as Hitler. Who does that? And that Anne Frank song you sang? Somebody needs to knock some sense into your ignorant ass. I'm that man. You'll either experience the crushing pain of the The Moss Covered, Three Handled Family Grudunzle or I'll eat your face. Either way, I'm leaving Rhode Island a winner. And you'll leave Rhode Island inside my stool.

See you soon, Jaguar. I'm getting hungry.

~~SCENE FADES~~

» The Broom [vs.] Fat Lenny
» Fat Lenny [vs.] James Betterman
» Dean Vandal [vs.] Lord Jaguar
» James Betterman [vs.] Shobam Pooni [vs.] Lord Jaguar [vs.] Bobby O'Day
» Fat Lenny