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 |  Subject: TK Jones: Back To The Future.  Thu May 12, 2011 5:17 pm | |
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So I guess I get it. TK is the new kid. TK Jones is that guy, in the corner, the dust collector. But not for long. You see, I’ve seen the world, done a lot of things, met a lot of interesting people---well, mostly interesting people. I met Matt Young, Chuck Matthews and the likes… yeah, you feel me now? Thing is, things got stale over on Bebo. I just kept… winning. Now that’s supposed to sound exactly how it looks, totally narcissistic…because it’s true. You can ask around the locker room, some of the boys know my name, and they know my history. TK Jones is a winner, a winner of fights, a winner of games, and a winner of winning. The artist formerly known as Charlie Sheen… yeah, that’s what they call me. Thing is, times have changed, things are…somewhat… different.
TK Jones doesn’t always get his way now. TK Jones is known in IWF, TK Jones… he’s just another face in the crowd, another name on the roster. Back at square one, insert loud droning sigh. But no matter. TK Jones always has a plan for a quick fix. An idea to go straight to the top. And it’s here in IWF that this bad boys going to be implemented. But plans are meant to be changed, altered, made better. And it seems my appearance at last weeks IWF Battle Grounds caught all my Twitter followers off guard, all those who had “Liked” me on Facebook sudden commenting like mad, trying to be the first to break the news to each other… T-shirt sales are hitting the roof, going through it even. People want TK Jones even more now that there’s that hint they he might now be around for much longer, he’s suddenly branching out… what is this they say!?
I’ve got them all in my hand now. Putty. Libra? He’s just the beginning, a welcomed change to the riff raff I’ve become accustomed to. So here I am, standing on the front door of opportunity… but it’s locked. But I’ve brought my friend... you might know him... initiative? and together, we’re busting through the window and unlocking it ourselves. No real time to be wasted on something so trivial. Championships… feuds… being better than everybody else… that’s what I’m about. And this crowd. THE crowd. They appreciate that… they appreciate ME. It’s funny really, the names, the places, they all change, but the fact remains the same. TK Jones? Walks in. Walks out. Victorious. Continuously climbing this ladder. Continuously reaching out for the next brass ring. Continuously… TK Jones. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------So there I was backstage, time to be cool, be the man, be the TK Jones these people don’t know. So basically, just come out, they don’t know me anyway. So time to get that across, time for a lovely interview, time… for Johnny Electric to do TK Jones… A favour.“So TK Jones, tonight you make your debut against Libra. What do you think your opponent is doing to prepare for you?”“Well… can I say this on TV?”“Yeah sure, go ahead”“Uhh…anal.”(To get the joke:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] tehe)“Ummm…ok.”“Yeah. Anal. What? Libra, where I’m from, Libra is the brand of tam---female hygiene products, but in life, Libra is the starsign of masculinity. So you combine those… and it all makes sense.”“Huh?”“Exactly. So tonight, when I go out there, guns blazing, hitting a Ke$habuster over there, a ChickFlick TearDrop over there, and then a TK.O there. It’s game over.”“A what?”“Agreed. Tonight, TK Jones makes his long anticipated debut, I am the Heat to Libra’s Celtics! The USA to his Osama! The Alpha to his Omega meaning that yes, yes I am Beta than you Libra, wherever you may be! …but before this goes any further, Johnny, I know I know me, but… what do you know about me?”“Well I…”“BECAUSE YOU CAN FORGET WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW JOHHNY! You can take your Brandon MacDonald’s, your Vincent Van Roses, your Tyson Rowle’s, your Matt Rydell’s, your Corey Casey’s, you can take your opinions of them and shove them, Human Centipede right back up your ass. Because now that TK Jones is here, he’s doing things he shouldn’t, saying things he can’t. Because TK Jones is a human paradox, he does the impossible, he breathes the unbelievable, he’s more than a highlight reel, he’s a god damn box set! So welcome to my world Johnny, population, planet earth. Beating Libra tonight, it’s just a formality on my road to the world championship. Making names famous at their own expense, that’s kind of my thing. So Libra, you’re welcome.”Johnny was definitely awestruck, nobody talks, walks, acts like me. I know he’s known for being outspoken, but as I walked away, I sniggered, jaws had dropped, I had done my job, I had---“I just had sex! And it felt so good!”“Chad?”“Oh hey bro!”“I didn’t know you were into The Lonely Island?”“Lonely what?”“I just had sex?”“You too? Up top bro!”Chad put his hand up for me to hi-5, confused, I returned the favour.“No I mean, the song, you were just singing?”“What song?”“The…forget it, you’re weird. I’ve got a match, I’ll see you later.”“Later bro.”As I walked off, the camera stopped focussing on me and more on Chad as from around the same corner Chad had just come from, Ashley Matthews came around zipping up her jeans and wiping her mouth as she came to join her boyfriend…“Hey baby. Wanna go again?”She nodded and they both giggled, turning to head back around the corner as the scene faded out.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------*
But sure, there’s all those that are thinking to themselves, “This guy is such an ass. Look at him, win this, win that, as if we haven’t seen that before” And it’s true, you probably have. But you haven’t seen ME do it, how I do it. To put it as simple as possible… forget, what you thought you knew, because here’s TK Jones. And here’s the Park. And here’s TK Jones walking through it. Ya dig? TK Jones is here to turn this mofo on it’s head, flip three ways from sideways and tell you yes, yes I did just do that. But that’s just me, I see the James Sharks, the Corey Casey’s, the champs, the contenders, the winners, the losers, and I think… it’s all nothing I’ve ever seen before. But I’m not sure how many times it’s gotta be reinforced that TK Jones doesn’t take baby steps, he doesn’t move in leaps and bounds, every time The Doctor of Awesonomics steps between the ropes… he moves freakin’ mountains.
So here I sit, in the locker room, looking around thinking, I could beat you, I could beat you, and you… and… definitely you. So what about my opponent, he’s around here, somewhere… right? So i've heard he's been around awhile, doing the same song and dance... and when I say "been around" don't get it twisted... I don't mean like Ashley Matthews... I mean like duration wise... you would HOPE he knows what he's doing out there. So, little Libra… the guy with nothing… no power… no speed… no charisma… but makes up for it in… heart. Cute. Let me just get the fire, earth wind and water guys together and we’ll bring back Captain Planet. Are you SERIOUS bro? Heart… when god was giving out stuff… you asked for… Heart? Well… I guess that’s cool… something to associate yourself with… Libra… the heart guy… but I feel sorry for the other guys… I feel sorry for those of you in attendance tonight who will see the significance of your birthday… ruined… ripped… torn into shreds. Tonight, I take Libra, and I send him back to his parents basement a loser. Back to washing the dishes, back to doing the vacuuming, back making sandwiches, basically returning him back to his life of imasculinity… ironic really that a guy named after the star sign of masculinity could be so…not.
But each to his own right? |
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