How I Won My First World Championship Part VI: Ruben Ricardo León, the Motion Picture, vol. 1

We see the two children sat on the sofa as normal, the typical looks of extreme boredom on their face, showing a desire to right now be anywhere but listening to their father telling them stories. They barely even glance over when they hear their father start to speak.

Voice: Now, kids, I'm going to tell you a slightly different story now, one which doesn't really have anything to do with my career in the Insurgency at all...

Boy: Papa, almost NONE of your stories have had anything to do with your career in IWF. When are you going to get to the bit where you win the World Championship?

Girl: Yeah. I have hockey practice in like an hour and a half.

Voice: Soon, kids, soon. We're coming to the end of the Battle for the Briefcase tournament and it's not long after that. Anyway, this happened not long after my quarter final match, where I beat Corey Casey...

The girl and boy look at each other for a second before simultaneously bursting out in to laughter.

Voice: What's so funny?

Girl: YOU. Beat COREY CASEY?! Pull the other one, papa, it's got bells on!

Voice: I did too beat Corey! Anyway, the sooner you stop distracting me the sooner this will be all over for all of us. It happened the day after I BEAT COREY.



We now see the interior of Ruben Ricardo León's house. We can see Ruben laying on his couch, in a vest and sweatpants, holding an icepack to his forehead over the top of his mask. He occasionally lets out mild groans and other noises of discomfort and pain. After a moment, the telephone begins to ring. Ruben tries to lift his head to look at it, but slumps back in pain.

Ruben Ricardo León: : MARIAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Ruben's girlfriend, Maria comes running out of the bathroom, barely managing to get a towel wrapped around herself in the process, dripping wet from head to toe from the shower she has just leapt from. She has a very anxious look on her face.

Maria: What?! What is it?! Is something wrong?!

Ruben Ricardo León: : ...the telephone is ringing.

Maria's look of concern changes to one of extreme annoyance.

Maria: WHAT?! You got me out of the shower for THAT?! I thought the house was on fire or you'd hurt yourself or something. You can answer the damn phone yourself.

Ruben Ricardo León: : But I'm HURT, Maria. I'm still in pain after my match with Corey last night.

Maria sighs, frustratedly and rolls her eyes. She strides purposefully over to the still ringing telephone and removes it from the holder.

Maria: Hello? Yeah. He's right here being a giant bitch. I'll put him on.

She glares purposefully at Ruben.

Maria: It's for you...

She gives Ruben a look as if she is weighing up the distance between the two of them. After a second she draws her arm back and throws the telephone underarm at Ruben. It arcs through the air and lands square on Ruben's stomach. He yelps with pain as it hits the sore muscles that took two Antichrist Impacts from Corey Casey the night before. Maria smirks and balls her fist in celebration of her direct hit. Ruben picks the phone up from his stomach and holds it to his ear.

Ruben Ricardo León: : Hello?

The voice on the other end of the phone is vaguely familiar to Ruben. He squints his eyes as he tried to place the voice.

Man on Telephone: Howdy, Ruben. You might not remember me... My name is Hank Henry.

The realisation of where he remembered the voice from suddenly dawned. Hank Henry, a washed up action movie star had enjoyed a short and ill fated career in the No Limit Wrestling Federation,d during which time he largely spent his days getting his shit handed to him on a silver platter by Knife to Know You. He had disappeared from the radar, at least from Ruben's radar, after he left the NLWF and Ruben had never expected to hear from him again. A million thoughts played across Ruben's mind as to why Hank Henry would want to talk to him.

Ruben Ricardo León: : Hank, from NLWF, right?

Hank Henry: I did spent a little time grapplin' for those boys last year, yeah.

Ruben Ricardo León: : It's uh, good to hear from you I guess, what can I do for you?

Hank Henry: Well I'm sure you know that 'fore I came to NLWF I was a bit of a movie star in my time.

Had Ruben, not your traditional film buff, been asked to name any of Hank's numerous flicks, he would have drawn a complete blank, but he had vague recollections of seeing Henry's face on old movie posters that his friends collected back at school.

Ruben Ricardo León: : Uh yeah, of course.

Hank Henry: Well, after professional wrestlin' didn't turn out to be the career for me, I went back to Hollywood, showed them I was all cleaned up from my alcoholism and asked a few of the studios if they'd mind an awful lot givin' an old dog a shot at a new life.

Ruben Ricardo León: : Right. I don't mean to be rude, Hank, but how exactly does this relate to me?

Hank Henry: I was jus' gettin' to that, buddy. Y'see, there ain't no work in front of the camera for a washed up old sort like me these days, 'specially now that our good friend Schwarzenegger has finished his time as the Governator and has gone back to makin' action flicks. So a lot of the studios said sorry, but they didn't have no work for a guy like me, 'til I came to Paramount.

They said I'd be a perfect addition to their creative division. Well, a few months down the line, here I am, and boy have I got a proposition for you.

Ruben looks perplexed for a second, wondering what Paramount pictures could possibly want with him. A thought flashes quickly across his mind.

Ruben Ricardo León: : Look, if they want me to do motion capture work then I'm afraid I'm gonna have to decline. I'm contracted exclusively to Matthews Enterprises Entertainment Division for motion capture work and it's a long contra...

Hank Henry: No, no, that's not it. Ruben. Paramount want to make a film based on your life.

Ruben sits up with a jolt, wincing in pain as his stomach screams at him for moving suddenly.

Ruben Ricardo León: : They want to do WHAT?!

Hank Henry: You live in Texas, right? I have some business in San Antonio tomorrow evening, I could come by Houston on my way and we could discuss things?




We now see the interior of a small cafe in the centre of Houston. Ruben Ricardo León is sat at a table, drinking occasionally from a large mug and reading a copy of the Houston Chronicle. There is a jingling of a bell as the door to the cafe opens and a tall, burly man with shocking black hair which is slightly greying around the edges, a chin you could cut diamonds with and a sharp suit.

Ruben doesn't even glance up from his newspaper, assuming it is just another customer, but the smartly dressed man comes over to his table and sits in the chair opposite him. As he begins to drag the chair out from under the table, Ruben lowers his paper and looks at the man. When he realises who it is he folds the newspaper and places it on the table in front of him.

Hank Henry: Ruben.

Ruben Ricardo León: : Hank. Good to see you. You're looking well.

Hank Henry: Been off the sauce going on a year now, doing wonders for mind and body.

The two quickly run out of small talk and there is a short, awkward silence before Hank takes the initiative.

Hank Henry: The reason I brought you here today, like I said on the phone last night, Paramount sent me because they want to adapt your story in to a feature length film.

Ruben Ricardo León: : OK, but why me?

Hank Henry: You remember that film that came out a couple years back with Mickey Rourke in it? The Wrestler?

Ruben racked his brains but couldn't picture it.

Ruben Ricardo León: : Not really...

[color=red]Hank Henry: Story of a retired wrestler who comes back for one last fight. Anyway, since Mickey Rourke got nominated for an Oscar for that, there's been a bit of interest amongst the studios of getting some more wrestling films greenlit. Seeing as how I spent a few weeks kicking around a wrestling federation, the boys upstairs asked me if I could think of anywhere they could look for inspiration.

Ruben Ricardo León: : So you told them about me?

Hank Henry: No, I told them about NLWF and how it became the Insurgency. I've been following you guys closely since I left. They had a scout through the roster and decided that they wanted to option your story, if you'd give permission.

Ruben Ricardo León: : But I don't get it. Why me? What's so special about my story?

Hank Henry: Rags to riches, Ruben, rags to riches. It sells. You came from nothing to get to where you are today through sheer determination and hard work. You came from being a poor kid in the sticks in the south of Mexico to become a multi-time Mexican national champion.

Ruben Ricardo León: : OK, I get that bit, but what about recently? I've been a pretty big failure since I got to the States. Only ever won one midcard title and kept that for a week, hit the glass ceiling with a sickening thud every time I'm given the opportunity. Hardly makes for great cinematography.

Hank looks sheepish.

Hank Henry: That's why they want to end the film when you come to America.

Ruben Ricardo León: : Oh...

Hank holds his hands up.

Hank Henry: Don't look at it like that. They're just safeguarding their interests. Think about it from a creative point of view. They're protecting their interests, getting the best part of the story and leaving the door open for a sequel if you manage to turn your fortunes around.

Ruben looks skeptical.

Ruben Ricardo León: : Yeah, I guess...

Hank Henry: And hey, I saw you beat Corey Casey the other night, so you're well on your way to winning the Battle for the Briefcase tournament. You come out with the briefcase and then a championship and that'll make some pretty good story for the sequel if they want one. Wadda ya say, Ruben? It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to have your story told on the big screen...

Ruben stares at Hank for a few seconds, who doesn't move an inch.

Ruben Ricardo León: : I'll think about it...



Boy: Wait, your life was made into a film?!

Voice: Yes.

Girl: Papa, I never thought I would say this, but... that's kinda cool!

Boy: Yeah, why have we never seen this film?

Voice: It's in the DVD rack over there. 'Cobra Lucha.' You should check it out sometime.

The boy and girl look at each other.

Voice: NOT right now!

They both look disappointed.

Voice: Now the next part of the story takes us a little way in to the future...


Ruben Ricardo León: : Chad Fucking Mason? Seriously? That WOO WOO WOO guy? There must be some kind of mistake right? What's that? You checked, and there ISN'T a mistake? Chad Mason made it all the way to the final of the Battle for the Briefcase tournament? OK, I see. You mean, I fought through two of the toughest guys on the IWF roster, squashed Brandon Macdonald Jr. in seconds flat and beat Corey Casey in a MATCH WITH NO RULES and my reward is to fight CHAD MASON?!

Isn't it meant to be, you know, the other way round? I know I had an easy fight in the first round against that English snob, but it kind of went uphill from there pretty sharply, I think everyone would admit.

Piece of advice for the IWF creative team. If you ever decide to make a videogame out of my exploits in the Battle for the Briefcase tournament you might want to miss out the bit where Chad Mason is the final boss, because that would be kind of a letdown after fighting Corey and James, I think. Can you imagine how Tekken 3 would have gone down if Dr Boskonovitch was the final stage?!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna turn my nose up at an easy fight. Hell, after the match against Corey a couple of weeks back I've needed some time to recover. Another easy win this week will leave me in a prime position to cash my briefcase in and take Brandon's IWF Championship from him.

You know, I think I might have been a little harsh on old Chad before. I doubt many people expected me to get to the final of this tournament, particularly when I fucked up my chance at 1st and 4th seeds. When they saw the likely progression of the draw, that I would have to go through Corey Casey AND beat a Macdonald people probably gave me even less chance than our buddy Mr Mason.

Looking at the bracket and some of the names in there this is about the least likely final I could think of, short of possibly Ian Blackwing against Keith Axel. Any one of 7 or 8 men could have come out on top and I'm sure that each one had their vocal supporters. Chris Matthews, James Shark, Death Angel, Corey, James Mac... But every single one fell by the wayside and here we are, two of the least likely people and one of us is going to walk out of Isolation with the briefcase and a free shot at any title we like.

Chad, just like you I'm on a hot streak right now but the difference between you and me is that whilst one time before you got lucky and beat Chuck for the world title, and have been coasting along on that success ever since, I work my ass off week in and week out to earn my place here in IWF and to earn my place in that final, and I will get that briefcase at Isolation WHATEVER it takes.

I'm sure at some point between now and Isolation Chad will take an opportunity to instruct me, in no uncertain terms, to “come at him, bro.” Well, I've got some good news for you Chad, I plan on doing just that. I'm going to come at you like fucking chain lightening. You may have got lucky so far with people barely turning up Chad, but this week is going to be different, and if you think you're going to walk all over me then buddy you're in for one hell of a shock.

I move quicker than anything you've ever seen, anyone you've ever fought. I can twist my body in ways that would make a Thai hooker weep with envy. You will stand and watch whilst you see someone fly through the air like no other man can, and then you will feel a shocking pain in your shoulders as my legs wrap around your neck, right before I DDT you, using only my legs. Then I will bring you up in to the corner, hit the Tequila Slammer and wrench back so hard that your back nearly snaps in two. And then, when I'm done making you scream in pain I will climb the ladder, turn and take one last pitying look at you and then take what is rightfully mine. I look forward to seeing you there.