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 |  Subject: The Kill (Bury Me)  Fri Jan 27, 2012 8:33 pm | |
| ANGELINA MARIE HARDAWAY
Loving wife, loving mother, loving person.
August 30, 1982 - March 3rd, 2010
I keep looking at this gravestone, almost every day now, mostly in passing on the way to my day job, just thinking, wishing, hoping that someday I’ll just wake up one morning, and she’ll be right next to me in bed opening up her eyes and looking directly back at me. It’s just the little things you keep hoping for. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jen, she loves me. I’ll be just as happy to wake up and see her face as well in the morning, but she knows how I am sometimes. I’m not going to lie, I’m not the most stable person in the world and her death showed it in me. To the point of hallucinations daily while trying to officially move on with my life. Hallucinations where I had this guardian angel named Mali. It’s a long story, and a really confusing one in that. Let’s just say that I wouldn’t be driving to where I was going it if wasn’t for those damn hallucinations. I remember one time seeing her when I was about ready to blow my brains out.
I remember what movie I was watching as well at our theater room that me and Angie used to share. It was Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 horror classic, “The Shining”. Weirdly enough, that was one of our favorite movies to watch together. I know what you’re thinking…a couple being warmly infatuated with a horror movie that features Jack Nicholson going stir-crazy in an old mansion. This is a harrowing tale of survival against incredible odds of a supernatural nature, and it brings every little morsel of the story to vivid life, capturing perfectly the internalization and externalization of fear among exceedingly real, believable characters that the reader gets to know very well indeed. As has always been the case with Stephen King, it is his incomparable powers of characterization that make the supernatural elements of his story work so amazingly well. Kubrick just took it and threw it into his own world. The way it was shot, the way it was told, the way it was done. Not just that, but the work from the cast that was involved, especially Nicholson.
We were just weird that way I guess. It also took me back to a time where I actually read the book during high school. All four years of it, in fact. Every year, I would rent it out because I loved the book so much. Junior year for me was a little different though. I picked it up and read it once again, but on one familiar spring day, it got to be a little bit complicated and it actually involves Angie. I remember her telling me about her personal problems, and about how I was getting affected by it. Add the simple fact that her mother wanted me and her to break up, and the result was something completely crazy. It’s all a blur, but I do remember almost breaking her best friend’s nose. It was a shaky couple of days.
That next day, I had to be in the same room as her. I remember walking in and her not wanting anything to do with me, going as far as to just walk out of the room, so I took her seat, and picked up where I left off in the book. It was at the point where Jack was pretty much losing his marbles and was trapped in the freezer. I think you all know where I’m going with this, don’t you? So I’ll just save you the troubles and cut right to the good part.
I wanted to bash her brains in. I wanted to bash them right the fuck in. Heh, I had to work that in somehow, you know? Yeah, shocking...I know.
Well, things turned out to be okay and I remember telling her about the incident and we just laughed about it, like two young kids, just wanting to be in love. Whenever that movie comes on or when I put it on, it becomes a good memory into my bank. That scene comes on and we smiled. Of course, the first time I saw it without her…yeah, that was a day I would like to forget. Actually, it was the same day where I was planning to exit this world on a terrible note. I guess not though, because here I am. Here I am in Kansas City…with Jen. The first of two stops for pro wrestling that I have to make this weekend. First, for Rising Monarchy here. Then, completely afterwards, I got to hop onto another plane for a show in the United Kingdom.
Hey…didn’t say that life was easy doing this damn gig, and yet…here I am. I don’t even bother to shave anymore; I’ve lost all track of what’s on TV and the movies, to the point where Jen actually got me an iPad for my birthday. Now I just keep up via Netflix and Hulu. I never said I was the straightest person on Earth. Hell, even Angie knew I was a little bit screwed in the head. I guess that’s why people love my company so much. They need the wry, crooked sense of twisted humor to balance out the straight people they talk to for a living. That’s why I exist. I have no idea if that’s a good or bad thing to be perfectly honest with you. I have no fucking clue why they keep me around.
Does it really matter to me? Hell no, but I guess it’s a good reason to keep me around. I make people laugh apparently. What that has to do with wrestling, no freakin’ idea, but it’s a good sign that people like me and enjoy my company. And right now, IWF seems like a good place for that. And what this has to do with a battle royal this weekend that I’m apparently in, along with god knows how many other people? Don’t know. All I know is that I see a lot of apparent old faces here that never got their chance to shine. Heh, they’ll do anything for a shot at a title.
But me, unlike some of the old faces you’ll see this weekend, I’ll be one of the ones that will stick around, while some of the others you’ll see will be at other promotions, trying the same thing. This is me, ladies and gentlemen. This is Kevin Hardaway here. And I guess you’re all wondering why the hell I mentioned about seeing Angie’s gravestone in passing when I’m all the way out here in Kansas City…
Well, what Jen doesn’t know won’t hurt her. No, it’s not like I desecrate her grave on a daily basis or anything; but rather, I got my treasured secrets that I like to keep along with me to remember.
Hmm, just had a weird feeling of déjà vu.
Anyways, I didn’t say I was the straightest person on Earth. Perhaps I need to re-word that. How about the most normal person on Earth, that’s a better way of saying things.
And there is no normal. |
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